CEBU, Philippines – Many people take life in one bulk, going through their days with hopes and dreams but without a studied plan on how to attain the kind of life they want. There are some, though, who take the journey more seriously, taking their lifetime in stages. But neither of these two groups is guaranteed of a fulfilled and successful life.
And yet, taking life in stages allows one to periodically reassess priorities and re-calibrate personal attitudes. It makes for a better sense of direction and control, as one becomes aware of what works and what doesn’t, and thus could make necessary adjustments in his plans and efforts.
Older people learn the hard way how to effectively steer their life. They learn from actual experience. But young people need to be better prepared. The times they navigate in now are much harder than those of their elders.
Author Nicholas W. Weiler of “Your Soul at Work,” in collaboration with Stephen C. Schoonover, M.D., figures out six stages of personal growth through a lifetime. One moves through the stages in a progression. From one stage to the next, often with some difficult periods of transition, one learns and matures in the process.
It is in acknowledging and working through the issues of each successive stage that one becomes a better human and spiritual being. The website www.yoursoulatwork.com cites the stages that carry a person from late teens to post retirement. The ages shown below for each stage, however, are only rough estimates. People may pass through the stages several years earlier or later than the estimates shown. Individuals vary widely in their progression through the stages.
Stage 1. Autonomy and Tentative Choices (Approximately age 18 to 26)
In this stage people are typically developing personal autonomy and leaving the family to establish an independent home, finances etc. They’re developing their own sense of personhood as separate from parents and childhood peer groups. They try out new relationships, like romantic interests, professional associates, peer groups and friends. This is typically a period of tentative or provisional commitments. Since there’s plenty of time ahead, changing provisional decisions are okay on things like location, occupation, plans to marry or not marry, friends, key life values, etc. The focus is on defining themselves as individuals and establishing an initial life structure.
Stage 2. Young Adult Transition (Approximately age 27 to 31)
This is usually a period of significant turmoil – of looking at who one becoming to be and asking if he’s really journeying in directions he wants to go. He questions most of his earlier tentative choices. Have he made the right decisions? Does he still have time to change some? Or does he want to make others permanent? Is it time to settle down and have a family? Is time running out? The angst that the process entails is similar to the better known “mid-life crisis.”
Stage 3. Making Commitments (Age approximately 32 to 42)
This is typically a period of relative order and stability where a person implements and lives the choices that survive the earlier sift. He begins to have deeper commitments involving work, family, church, our community ties etc. The focus is on accomplishment, becoming one’s own person and generating an inner sense of expertise and mastery of his professions. By now the dream of what one wants to achieve in life is fairly well-defined, though may not be final.
Stage 4. Mid-Life Transition (Approximately age 42 to 48)
This is the stage of mid-life questioning. Now one tends to question everything all over again. If he has not achieved his dreams, he wonders why not. Were those really the right dreams? If he has achieved his dreams, he looks at what values he might have neglected in their pursuit. Was it worth it? Either way, he is probably disillusioned. A period of reassessment and realignment usually takes place.
Stage 5. Leaving a Legacy (Approximately age 49 to 65)
The period after completion of the mid-life transition can be one of the most productive of all stages. One is usually at the peak of his mature abilities. If the issues of the mid-life transition have been acknowledged and addressed, he can make his greatest possible contributions to others and society. Here he can be less driven, less self-centered, less compelled to compete with and impress others. Instead he can focus on what really matters to him, on developing younger people, on being in community with others, on leaving some personal legacy to make things better for people (whether it’s recognized as our personal legacy or not). He begins to have a glimpse of the true meaning in the overall scheme of life.
Stage 6. Spiritual Denouement (Approximately age 66 and beyond)
This is the stage of tying things up, of completing the design of what one wants to become, of finalizing his growth and fine-tuning the person he has made of himself. This stage can go on for many years. It can be hopeful or cynical – depending on how realistically, humbly, and effectively one has finally resolved the issues faced in earlier stages. Here he comes to grips with the ultimate limitations of life, of himself and his mortality. He tries his best to pass on to others whatever wisdom he has gained. There is acceptance of others for whatever they are, seeing them as growing like he is and part of humankind’s diversity. His sense of community continually expands as he prepares for survival of the spirit beyond his earthly existence.
Awareness of those life stages and the dynamics obtaining in each will hopefully help the person to have a sense of purpose in his earthly time. The young may have some kind of self-restraint in his adventures, so he may have lesser regrets in later life. And the old may come to terms with his past folly, forgiving himself for both being reckless and being ignorant.
But most of all, may it give the person a grasp of the meaning of this whole life journey – that he may not be overwhelmed by the challenge because he can take it a little at a time. And, understanding, may he find his own answers to the questions: What ultimately is career and life success? What am I striving for? Why? What is my reason to be?