Social media versus real communication

CEBU, Philippines – On a crisp Friday afternoon last October, Sharon Seline exchanged text messages with her daughter who was in college. They ‘chatted’ back and forth, mom asking how things were going and daughter answering with positive statements followed by emoticons showing smiles, b-i-g smiles and hearts. Happiness.

Later that night, her daughter attempted suicide.

In the days that followed, it came to light that she’d been holed up in her dorm room, crying and showing signs of depression – a completely different reality from the one that she conveyed in texts, Facebook posts and tweets.

As human beings, our only real method of connection is through authentic communication. Studies show that only 7 percent of communication is based on the written or verbal word. A whopping 93 percent is based on non-verbal body language. Indeed, it’s only when we can hear a tone of voice or look into someone’s eyes that we’re able to know when “I’m fine” doesn’t mean they’re fine at all… or when “I’m in” doesn’t mean they’re bought in at all.

This is where social media interaction gets dubious.

Awash in technology, people can hide behind the text, the e-mail, the Facebook post or the tweet, projecting any image they want and creating an illusion of their choosing. They can be whoever they want to be. And without the ability to receive nonverbal cues, their audiences are none the wiser.

This presents an unprecedented paradox. With all the powerful social technologies at our fingertips, we are more connected – and potentially more disconnected – than ever before.

Every relevant metric shows that we are interacting at breakneck speed and frequency through social media. But are we really communicating? With 93 percent of our communication context stripped away, we are now attempting to forge relationships and make decisions based on phrases. Abbreviations. Snippets. Emoticons. Which may or may not be accurate representations of the truth.

A New Set of  Communication Barriers

Social technologies have broken the barriers of space and time, enabling us to interact 24/7 with more people than ever before. But like any revolutionary concept, it has spawned a set of new barriers and threats. Is the focus now on communication quantity versus quality? Superficiality versus authenticity?

In an ironic twist, social media has the potential to make us less social; a surrogate for the real thing. For it to be a truly effective communication vehicle, all parties bear a responsibility to be genuine, accurate, and not allow it to replace human contact altogether.

In the workplace, the use of electronic communication has overtaken face-to-face and voice-to-voice communication by a wide margin. This major shift has been driven by two major forces: the speed/geographic dispersion of business, and the lack of comfort with traditional interpersonal communication among a growing segment of our employee population: Gen Y and Millennials.

Studies show that these generations – which will comprise more than 50 percent of the workforce by year 2020 – would prefer to use instant messaging or other social media than stop by an office and talk with someone. This new communication preference is one of the “generational gaps” plaguing organizations as the Baby Boomers try to manage to a new set of expectations and norms in their younger employees, and vice versa.

With these two trends at play, leaders must consider the impact on business relationships and the ability to effectively collaborate, build trust, and create employee engagement and loyalty.

Further, because most business communication is now done via e-mails, texts, instant messaging, intranets, blogs, websites and other technology-enabled media – all without body language – the potential for misinterpretation is growing.  Rushed and stressed, people often do not take the time to consider the nuances of their writing. Conflicts explode over a tone of an e-mail, or that all-important cc: list.

When someone writes a text in all capital letters, does it mean they’re yelling? Are one- or two-word responses a sign that the person doesn’t want to engage? On the flip side, does a smiley face or an acknowledgement of agreement really mean they’re bought in and aligned? Conclusions are drawn on frighteningly little information.

We Need a New Golf Course

The idea of doing business on the golf course seems anachronistic these days, but the reason why the concept became so iconic is because it proved that when colleagues spend personal time together – face to face – more progress can be made, deals can get done and relationships can deepen, allowing the colleagues to function more effectively off the course.

This concept has been proven over and over again with correlations between face-to-face relationship-building and employee engagement and loyalty.  And years ago, we learned about the power of “Management by Walking Around” in Tom Peters’ groundbreaking book “In Search of Excellence.”

So in this wired world, what’s our new golf course? How do we communicate effectively and build deeper, more authentic relationships when we have only words (shortened at best) instead of voice, face and body expression to get all the important and powerful nuances that often belie the words?

Assuming this trend is here to stay, we need to create cultures where managers, employees and their key stakeholders redouble their efforts to get at the real messages and issues. Here are some suggestions.

Six Tips for Keeping E-Communication Real

Address your issues. If you are drawing a conclusion (i.e. they’re in a bad mood, unsupportive, or unwilling to engage) or are experiencing a conflict based on an electronic exchange, pick up the phone or have a face-to-face conversation to clear things up.

Check yourself. Take some extra time to check your own communications to ensure you aren’t unwittingly sending an inaccurate message.  Make an effort to put forth an accurate picture of reality.

Acknowledge the challenge. As a manager, chances are that you’re dealing with different generations who have markedly different communication preferences.  Talk with them about this dynamic and ask for input on the best way to keep communication flowing through your team.

Don’t cop out. It’s very easy to sit behind a closed door and do all your work from behind a computer screen or hand-held device.  In fact, it takes the pressure off many of the complexities and messiness of management.  Don’t fall prey to this.  Find a way to stay connected to your people as human beings.  Their relationship with you – their leader – is one of the determining factors in their level of engagement in the job and loyalty to the organization.

Beware of the say-do gap. It’s easy to write an eloquent, motivating communication that paints a rosy picture, but remember that if your actions and reality are not consistent with your words, this disconnect will damage your credibility and impede your ability to lead effectively.

Keep the communication two-way. Just because you’ve fired off an e-mail or text, it doesn’t mean communication has taken place.  It is a two-way dynamic.  Pay attention to what’s coming back to you to see if your message is understood and embraced.

As leaders and global citizens, we must find a way to take advantage of all the amazing benefits of our technologically-enabled world while ensuring that we aren’t losing touch with our most important relationships, personal and professional. (www.forbes.com)