Teaching good manners to kids

CEBU, Philippines - It is hard to deal with toddlers and their tantrums. Given the right training and motivation, however, they can actually learn basic manners that will guide them to behave properly.

You might even be surprised how far your toddler can learn these principles, which have been tested in the way they interact with others.

All parents want to have happy and lively children with good inner standards and moral values, notwithstanding their different parenting techniques.  The important thing is how effective particular parenting styles are in raising well-mannered children.

Parents, being the first moral teachers of their children, shall make sure that lessons on good character are in place in the little ones. Below are good manners the Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc.-Dolores Children's Fund, an advocate of early child care and development, encourages parents to try to raise toddlers to be well-rounded and well-founded adults.

Start with the basics.

Saying "please," "sorry," and, "thank you" are usually the first bits of good manners parents teach. These words shall be used in daily communication with kids. Harsh words can only lead to more resistance. Often, kids misbehave because they do not understand what their parents are trying to say. Requests shall always take a polite tone and a pleasant voice.

Saying "thank you" is also a way to inform children that their actions are appreciated. It makes them feel that they have done a great job. It encourages them to do more good deeds, especially if the gratitude is said with a smile.

Develop a mutually respectful relationship.

Children are most influenced by the people whom they have the strongest attachment with and deepest respect for. It is important for parents to make sure that they exhibit exactly the kind of behaviors they want their kids to pick up and copy from them.        

Treat your children and the people around you with respect. When your children see the way you treat others, they will do the same way. Let the kids understand that everyone deserves to be respected no matter how old or young.

Children are also more likely to learn about the right behaviors when their parents calmly discuss ideas and rules with them. Parental teaching may include wise and fair consequences for the kids' wrong actions.

Promote strong conscience development.

Conscience is the inner voice that helps us know right from wrong. It is the foundation for decent living, solid relationships and ethical behavior. Talk with your children how important conscience is especially when in the middle of choices and decisions. 

Be watchful of your casual actions or snide comments. How you treat your friends and neighbors send a powerful message to your children. Your willingness to help your neighbors teaches your children to be helpful, as well. Remind the kids how simple acts can affect other people's feelings ("You should not get what is not yours. You will hurt your brother's feelings.")

Foster empathy through service.

At an early age, illustrating compassion to others let children understand other people's feelings.  Parents may also read or tell stories of people that foster sensitivity to others.

One of the best ways to help children develop empathy is to get them involved in service. Ideally, the service should also fit their talents, maturity, and interests. This way, they will be exposed to real situations and could deal with them firsthand. 

Talk with your children on how they could help others, even if all they can give is friendly company. For example, if you see your child's friend, alone and in deep thought, say to your child, "We should better go and ask him what's wrong." It opens the mind of your child that he could help others in simple ways. 

Teach the kids self-control at an early age.

Self-control or temperance is the ability to govern one's self. It means regulating one's thoughts and actions with the choices at hand. Also, self-control enables the person to delay gratification in the service of higher and distant goals.

As the child grows up, petty quarrels among his peers may come up. Teach your child to stay calm and open-minded in such situations. Provide them with strategies to help them resolve conflicts without punches and hurtful words involved ("Close your eyes, breathe deep, count to 10 and exhale.").

Demonstrate kindness.

Children like to be shown rather than be lectured on. Demonstrate to them how to see the world from other people's perspectives.

Create opportunities for your kids where they can show kindness to others; encourage them to reach out. Let them be involved in social programs and civic activities. Ask your child, "How do you feel helping other children?" This will make your child feel great about himself on what he has done.

Kindness in thoughts, words and actions starts at home. If the family has a strong foundation on helping others, the child, influenced by the value, would grow up doing the same good act.

Show fairness in words and actions.

You need to give the correct treatment to each child. Set rules and standards at home. Explain to the children why rules are needed and why everyone must follow them.

Setting rules make the children aware that not at all times would they have their way.  Let your child understand how fairness works and how useful it is in real situations.

Display tolerance to others.

We have our own prejudices over things and with other people. Sometimes, we are not aware of them and don't understand why we have negative feelings about other people.  Children shall be made to understand this by their parents' example.

Allowing your children to explore different cultures and traditions of different people enables them to be open-minded. Allow your children to engage and hang out with other people in the neighborhood.

Be the role model.

Children's misbehaviors are oftentimes a reflection of their parents'. What children see and experience at home becomes their normal. If they see their mom yelling at dad, they will eventually do the same.

Raising good kids is no easy task. Some parents leave the job to Elmo or to Barney while others leave the responsibility to teachers. The behavior the child shows to others is a reflection of how their parents rear them.

Teaching children good manners is not an overnight process; rather, it is a lifetime process of education. You need to take slow but sure steps for them to learn good manners.  

(Reference: www.askdrsears.com)