Encouraging Kids to Talk

CEBU, Philippines - Does your kid just silently sit at a corner and talk to no one in class?  Does your child opt to play with gadgets than mingle with friends or interact with others?

Does he prefer to stay home or hole up in his room than go out and be with the neighborhood kids?

Why is that? It is because not all children are gifted with the natural capacity to connect easily with other people. Maybe because of low self-esteem, shyness, or some other reasons, some kids find it hard to build friendships with other people. They would rather play alone or be alone, an island in the vast expanse of humanity.

Contributing to kids' having less interest to interact and converse with others is the advent of technology, where almost everyone has access to media and entertainment such that it is not rare for even adults to be lost in his own world, even when with others but absorbed in his personal entertainment gadget. This is also true for children. Some children even have their own "virtual" friends, which have gone a long way since the virtual pet "tamagotchi" became a craze.

But sharing one's thoughts and feelings to others is part of the whole process of growing up. It allows a child to have his space and time to explore and discover himself and the world beyond him.

The Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc.-Dolores Aboitiz Children's Fund (RAFI-DACF) believes that parents play a major role in cultivating their children's ability to understand and express their feelings. Parents can do ways to encourage the kids to share their feelings and open up to others.

Some of the ways that RAFI-DACF believes might be helpful for parents in encouraging their children to talk are:

. Share your own feelings.

Model emotional expression to your kid. Talk out loud about your feelings as you experience them. "I really love the flowers blooming around the neighborhood. The roses and lilies are just beautiful." Being a parent means leading by example. If you are hesitant to share your thoughts to your toddler, he will likely develop the same attitude, too.

No matter how busy you are, always make time to converse with your children. Talk as much and as often as you can. Start with an interesting topic during dinner, such as "How's school today? Did you enjoy your new books?" Watch their faces carefully whenever they try to share their thoughts. Focus on what the child says and ask questions, to let her talk more. You can also talk about his new classmates or friends at school.

. Read books and share personal stories.

Reading books is a powerful tool to develop a child's creative mind. Allow the child to lead the reading. As we encourage the love for books, it also translates to love for reading and use of language.

Allow your kid to select his own books. Offer him with a variety of choices, but do not decide on what books he must read. Be the storyteller while your child the audience. Let the kid stay on one page for a few minutes if he wants to talk about the flow of the story. Let her be the one in control.

Make reading a pleasure to the child, not an obligation. Make storytelling an engaging opportunity for him to react, ask, and share his feelings about the character. Give him space to determine by himself what the story is about. Do not scold your child whenever he cannot answer your questions.

One good reading material is the "Akong Bugsay," which tells the story of a little boy named Andoy who goes on a fishing trip with his father. On the sea trip, Andoy learns valuable lessons on planning and working hard to achieve a goal.

The book teaches the famous "Bugsay" philisophy of Ramon Aboitiz Foundation Inc. president Roberto "Bobby" E. Aboitiz.

.Acknowledge your child's emotions.

Label both your feelings and your child's feelings. When parents acknowledge their kids' emotions, the children become reassured and talk about it with their parents. Parents must show affection and comfort. They must try to read the child's body language for thought and feelings he cannot express in words.

"You seem scared when the dog barked. Are you okay?" Encourage your child to open up by assuring him that it is safe to express any kind of emotions. Pay close attention to non-verbal cues. Sometimes a child's body signals indicate that he is going through something wrong.

Talk to your child as you both go through the day. Let him describe his day. Children love to talk when they have experienced what the topic is about.

.Build up your child's self-esteem.

Some children don't want to talk to others because they are afraid of what others might say to them. When children feel that someone is superior to them, they don't feel like opening up because they feel small, insecure.

To boost your child's confidence, try this simple activity. Have your child share with you ten things about himself. Encourage your child to share his ideas and opinions. Communication is a two-way street. When one is talking, the other should be listening and vice versa. Speak frequently to your child about the things he needs and what things he should deal with.

.Seek professional help, if necessary.

If you notice that your child just won't open up despite your efforts, it may be time to seek professional help. Some children are delayed in their speech and language development. It is hard for them to talk because of speech-related problems.

Seek help from a speech therapist on what you could do to develop your child's speech capabilities. The therapist would evaluate your child and suggest possible solutions.  She can also keep track of every little progress your child makes along the way. (FREEMAN)