Mother

CEBU, Philippines - I was reading one of Bishop Fulton Sheen’s books once and he wrote that a woman’s most natural instinct is to nurture and to give love. Thus, a woman’s most natural instinct is to become a mother. Some women mother ideas and causes. Others, find themselves in professions that are involved in caring for others. But most, become mothers in the most natural way—by having children.

Becoming a mother may be the most natural event in the world. But that doesn’t mean it’s the easiest. To shift from an ‘I-me’ or a ‘we-our’ (if one is married) perspective can’t be that easy. Parenting children, I have observed, is a 25-hour, 8-day a week job that one cannot ever retire from. It can’t be easy for a woman in her 20’s or 30’s, who is still getting comfortable with her independence and identity to then be completely responsible for a dependent child who demands constant attention. It must be quite difficult to have to be more selfless in a way that one is not accustomed to. It must be stressful, too, to have what used to be time to be creative and to relax, to be taken away. And it must be quite daunting to suddenly realize that every little thing you do can hurt or heal the one person you love the most. They say all lasting changes are painful. And since becoming a mother is possibly the most lasting change in a woman’s life, then being a mother has to be really painful.

And yet, all the young mothers I know have said that it’s the best thing that ever happened to them. 

And I believe them. Not because of what they said, but because of who they have become. In order for that statement to make sense, you’d have to know the women I’m talking about. They are the women I grew up with—my cousins and my sister. And to be very honest, my cousins and my sister were not the most nurturing of people to grow up with. Intelligent, yes. Entertaining, definitely. Imaginative, beyond compare. But nurturing? I looked to adults in my life for that. I looked to the adults to be loved. And to other children to be challenged. This was the order of my world. And I was perfectly content.

But things change. The children grew up to be women. And the women got married and became wives. And the wives had children and became mothers. And what mothers those women turned into! My cousins and my sister now talk about diapers and parenting styles. They follow their young children around and make sure that they are safe, secure and yet independent. They plan their days based on what the baby does, or how the baby sleeps best. A child cries and they are there to soothe, calm and nurture. They smile and their eyes light up when their child is in the room. They have not turned into supermommies or even superwomen. They have not become infallible saints incapable of committing mistakes. And they are still intelligent and entertaining and imaginative. But they have turned into a more nurturing, more selfless, more patient version of themselves. And it is truly a sight to behold.

People talk about seeing a child born and a person getting cured and call them miracles. But I think, seeing a woman become a mother (although this takes a while to notice) is a miracle, too. A miracle that even God wanted to take part in. After all, when Mary agreed to become a mother, she gave the world a Savior. And God gave Himself, a mother.