Beach Ettiquette

CEBU, Philippines - Borrowing a towel.  Before getting into the van, check if there’s a clean towel in your backpack.  Do not intentionally leave your towel behind just because you don’t want your backpack to look bulky and destroy the zippers.  If you really love your backpack, use a much bigger bag like a duffel bag or a gym bag.  If you don’t have any of these bags, use an extra plastic bag for your towel.  People won’t laugh at those who carry plastic bags.  Towels are personal items, not to be borrowed.

Borrowing underwear.  If towels are personal, undies are very personal.  If you forget to bring extra underwear, do not swim.  It is as simple as that.  Just sit back, relax, and envy your friends who are enjoying themselves.  Of course you can always jump into the water anyway. You can always keep your underwear (the one you’re using at the moment) for reuse after swimming.  But that would be a concrete sign of immaturity on your part, isn’t it? 

Old bikinis or swimsuits.  If you don’t want unpleasant comments on your FB after posting that picture, don’t ever pose wearing old bikinis or swimsuits.  Buy a new one (the “in” style).  They won’t cost you that much because they’re on sale right now.  Just don’t buy those very cheap ones because the threads might break at the gartered seams while you’re on a photo shoot.  You wear the new one because FB friends always remember the old ones in one of your albums.      

Heavy drinking.  “Drink to feel good, not to get drunk,” my uncle used to say.  It’s good to know one’s own limit but with alcohol nobody seems to know where the limit is.  The limit is different for each of us.  Yes, if you follow studies they’d tell you it’s 400+ mg/dL.  But that would mean you’re in a coma or depressed respiratory function already (almost reaching the tunnel with the famous light at the end).  Mine is three small bottles of pale pilsen (I’m not drunk but I’m not also sober.  I’m in the middle).  Don’t go beyond the middle, because disaster awaits you if you do.  I’ve seen drunks walk naked on the beach. There’s his friend or his wife chasing after him with a sarong or big towel hoping to cover him up before anyone could take a video, or before the story could reach the guards or tanods.  (Mind you, minors are watching!)

Over-eating.  Be careful with shells, especially when they’re not part of your usual diet.  You might end up with LBM.  Some say they have to eat shells with rum or whisky or Sprite or Seven-up.  But mollusk tolerance is relative.  Sometimes nothing happens.  But sometimes, maybe the day after, you’ll wake up with an upset stomach and feeling feverish.  You say it’s the talaba or the vinegar, but you wouldn’t know which one really is the culprit.  If you really want to have a taste of all the food on the table, make sure you do it moderately, then drink plenty of water.  Over-eating can lead to several stomach disorders— hyperacidity, dyspepsia, and LBM.    

Wearing T-shirt while swimming.  If you’re over 40, dreaming of finally wearing a swimsuit at the beach all this time, break free once and for all!  Stop acting too conservative!  If you go to the beach with your swimsuit or two-piece, don’t cover it with a big t-shirt while swimming.  In a crowded beach, nobody will even notice your presence.  Unless of course if you’re Anne Curtis or Lindsay Lohan.  God will not castigate you if you wear swimsuits and look sexy while swimming.  What God wants is for you to get rid of those inferiorities and just show the world who you really are.  Yes, you really deserve it.  And don’t worry about what people will say, they’re so busy watching their sons and daughters swimming. Remember: a T-shirt is not a swimsuit.      

Loud Merry-making.   It’s okay to laugh or shout, but not too loud. You’re not the only one at the beach.  If there’s somebody who has the right to do that, that’s the owner of the resort.  But I have not even seen one do that.  Nobody is invincible that he can do anything he wants in public places.  Take note that not all people go to the beach because they want to get wild.  Some just go there to rest or chill out or spend quality time with their families.  I just wish you won’t end up running away with tattered boxers, a swollen eye, and a broken rib.  You can even end up dodging a bullet! 

Posing without thinking. Most times we just pose right before a camera without really thinking how we would appear in the picture later on.  Although we can always delete any takes we don’t like with digital cameras today, we don’t own all cameras.  When the owner of the camera arrives home, he starts randomly posting his shots right away on FB.  And if he does,  do you have the power to delete it right away? What if you text your friend to delete it and he’s out somewhere far away from a computer or internet connection?  You will spend the entire day waiting until the photo is totally erased from the album.  But that would mean so many likes and comments shall already have been made.  Just a friendly advice: before you pose, check first your appearance. Emerging from the water, do not immediately run to join the group for picture taking without fixing our face first.  (Pssst! You can always ask a friend if you look okay or not, before striking a pose).

Smoking near babies or children. If you really feel the urge to light another cigarette and you’re near children or babies, don’t do it.  Some children and babies have asthma.  And babies are sensitive even to dust.  How much more with second hand smoke?  You do it and you trigger their asthma and the next thing you see is a baby heavily breathing.  Good if the mother or father is not asthmatic because if they are, they will start breathing heavily, too.  You better run as fast as you can before somebody hits you hard. But if you have a nebulizer and some Ventolins in your bag, you can offer after you say sorry.  Smile and evaporate!