Cattski Espina on ‘Falling Apart’ to start anew

CEBU, Philippines — As the founder of 22 Tango Music Group, Cattski Espina oversees the development of artists in the label which she established in 2009. She describes her hands-on approach with the 3Ms – mentoring, managing, and marketing – often putting her artists first before herself. This time, she takes the front seat anew with the release of her latest single “Falling Apart.”

“I have learned it’s necessary that I do this so that I can be efficient to my artists. It’s not that I should put myself last so I can serve them better. It’s more like I should serve myself well so that I can serve them well too,” she told The FREEMAN.

While she has always written her songs, this track is penned by Jericho Streegan with Espina producing. They were working on Streegan’s debut album when she noticed how the song veered away from his usual compositions.

“As his producer, I have a Google Drive where Jericho dumps his songs once he finishes writing them. I was studying where Jericho’s album was going so when I listened to ‘Falling Apart’,” she shared.

“The more I listened to it, the more I could hear myself and how I would interpret it. The song gave me this catharsis, an opportunity to let out something deep within me that was stagnant.”

She described “Falling Apart” to be the “idea of getting sick so you can get well, falling apart so you can start fresh and live your new life, shed down the old self and let the ego die.”

Espina also mentioned that she is going through a “dark night of the soul” phase, a spiritual concept wherein someone goes through a difficult transition so they can see a deeper meaning to their life. This was reflected in the jacket photoshoot for the single where she was covered in black substance. She recalled “feeling angry at her ego” and had a strong “willingness to let go of that ego” during the photo shoot.

“I am letting myself sit with the discomfort, the pain, and the anger. I am not numbing it nor escaping from it. I am embracing it. I am at a point in my life where I am building boundaries and I am cutting people off.”

“I am holding on to whoever is here. I’m going through some changes, shedding off my old self, old beliefs, old patterns. Understanding where they are coming from, like going to therapy. This is the song where I can express all of these pains to help myself heal.”

Musically-inclined family

Espina’s father was a tenor singer for a Manila choir. An uncle is a Doctor of Music and Arts whose works are displayed at the Carnegie Hall in New York City. Two aunts are concert pianists, while another aunt is an opera singer and teacher.

“There’s music everywhere at home. My dad had a huge record collection, 25 percent of which I inherited,” she said.

Her dad pushed her to be an active music listener.

“He taught me to respect the artist and the art form when music is being played. He taught me to read the music credits, read the lyrics, and absorb everything. I would look at the back part of the [vinyl] record and read all of the people involved in creating that piece of work.”

Espina’s appreciation deepened during her visit to Nashville, Tennessee, where she performed in the music club bar The Bluebird Cafe where singer-songwriters like Taylor Swift played before their careers skyrocketed.

“When I played there, I could hear a pin drop. Everyone in the crowd was quiet because they are waiting for you to play your song,” she recalled.

She found out from a waiter there that the music club practices the “Shh…” rule where everyone has to be quiet and not use their phones when an artist is performing and orders will not be taken until the set is done.

This rule inspired her to create “The Listening Room” sessions where artists perform for an intimate audience in unconventional venues throughout the country, such as co-working spaces, museums, art galleries, and libraries.

From band to solo

Those familiar with the Cebu music scene in the 2000s would recall that she started in a band with her as frontwoman. That time, it was more common for artists to play covers because performing originals was highly discouraged by establishments that hired them.

“There were just a few of us who played originals. Those who did were forced to play for free and would even apologize when they play originals. I knew it was a toxic mindset because you are devaluing yourself as an artist,” said Espina, who has managed to increase the value of Cebuano artists performing originals in gigs today.

Espina stressed it was important for her and the band to express themselves by performing their own work. “That’s the absolute joy. It doesn’t matter if it’s good or not because music is subjective anyway. I am never attached to the outcome of my songs, but more attached to the process of creating, writing, recording, and performing.”

The band started with the 2011 EP “Cattski”, followed by their 2004 debut album “Vaccum My Inside”, 2009’s “Sound Mind Speaks Volumes”, and 2010’s “Cattski Ten - The Anniversary Album”.

Espina decided to go solo after a falling out with one of the members. She continued to use the name Cattski starting with the release of “0:00:00” (pronounced as “Zero) in 2012 which was her first time producing.

“I had the most fun doing ‘0:00:00’ and it was fulfilling because it was just me. I spent for it, I wrote everything. When I dabbled into production, I felt like I didn’t need my bandmates anymore to create the music. I could just do it on my own, hire a studio, sound engineer, and co-producer. I [basically] became a Taylor Swift,” she said.

She credits British singer-songwriter and producer Imogen Heap as an inspiration to go solo and create her own music. Heap was from a duo called Frou Frou before deciding to go solo (She returned to Frou Frou in 2017).

Since then, Espina has dropped singles such as “Usa Ka Libo ug Isa Ka Panamilit”, “Smitten”, “One”, “Now”, “Fall”, and “Make Love.”

Espina intends to create an EP that focuses on mental health, specifically tackling her “emotions, traumas, inner childhood pains, and toxic behaviors.”

“I have a topic breakdown of what I wanna say and I am going structural with this approach. I have been journaling since January. There are times I do ‘vomit journaling’, sometimes I would do ‘revenge journaling’. I write my thoughts down so that I can study them, how they operate and how I can control them.”

Reflecting on how her sound has changed since she started, she said “it’s important to evolve because you change as a person and as an artist. I grew from doing rock to doing electronic. It was an intellectual thing because electronic music is like building stuff and I love it. It’s like architecture. The music evolves because it’s coming from you.”