Attachment can lead to suffering

Being too attached to people and not learning to let go can cause suffering. When my eldest son, Saldy and his Danish wife Ragna decided to stay for good in Denmark, I was devastated. I cried so hard.  The void of emptiness and longing of their presence ripped the inner fiber of my existence.  Then I realized what Kahlil Gibran, a Lebanese writer said about children.  “Your children are not your children. They are sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. They come through you but not from you. You may give them your love but not your thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, for their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow which you cannot  visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you, for life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday…”

Liza Oz, a health educator of Sharecare wbsite exclaims, “Whenever you have attachment to people, things or situations, there exist the inherent risk that they could be taken from you. This opens you up to the constant possibility of pain. When you lose something you care deeply about, you suffer.  The  Buddhist solution to this unpleasant reality is to shun attachment.”

In order to healthily detach from strong emotions,  the wikiHow website cites the following tips:

*Self-reflect.  One way to healthfully detach is to focus on observing yourself like an outsider, from an objective stand. When you are alone, simply observe how you are feeling and thinking. Ask yourself, “How am I doing today? What am I thinking about?”

*Take a deep breath. If you are stressed out, your body naturally tenses and sends your thoughts racing. Breathe deep and slowly to avoid a lack of oxygen that can add to the problem. Place yourself in a comfortable position and practice breathing deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth. Focus deeply on your breathing and how it feels throughout your body to inhale and exhale. Do this for at least 5 minutes.

*Take action physically. Go for a walk, a bike ride or any other cardiovascular activity. Aerobic activity is proven to boost endorphins and will help you be in a better position and change your reactions to emotional predators.

*Express your feelings in a safe place. Giving yourself the space to feel your emotions in a safe way is integral to being able to detach. Set a time each day to feel your feelings. If you want to cry; cry alone. Crying in front of the one who is harassing you will only provoke them to taunt you more or continue with their harassment.

*Distract yourself. Think about or do something else. Try distracting activities like gardening, playing a game, watching a movie, reading a book  or magazine, playing an instrument, painting, drawing, or talking to a friend.

*Accept your emotional state. If we accept our emotions as valid and normal, we can be better at detaching from them. If  you accept your emotion, and find a healthy way of coping with it, then it losses its power over you and you can healthily detach.