Was there a moment in your life when you were struggling with pain; when you felt afraid, discouraged, or lost? A moment when you feel like a nail being hammered down to the wood of sorrow again and again and again; a time when your only wish was to have a pause in all your burdens - a minute of peace?I know of a person who experienced such journey and he is my lolo.
I was 7 when I first visited my lolo. My first memory of him was his heartfelt laugh. The second visit was when I was 12. It was a visit that's full of laugh and jokes. And then the third was when I was in college. His humor filled the whole room but it was his story that caught my attention that I decided to interview him for a film project.
I have known him as the lolo who financed my papa's studies; the lolo that my papa is indebted with, but for the others, he is the priest who got married after 11 years of service.
He was ordained as priest on April 6, 1968. He was married on June 12, 1979. The decision to be married was not easy, the process was strenuous and the life after being married was gruelling.
Lolo said that it was and has always been his dream to be a priest. At 6 years old he served at the Holy sacrifice of the Mass. Rain or shine he would go to the church and would mumble Latin prayers.So the fascination of becoming a priest was so apparent that becoming one happened with such ease. He graduated Suma Cum Laude in a seminary; took a scholarship in Rome, apprenticeship in USA and served the ministry for a number of years until he met his wife.
It was the time when realities of life forced him to change. The time when he just prayed "Lord, let there be a chuckle in this tear."He decided to get married primarily because of his love for God and respect for the active ministry, secondly because of his love for his wife and children; so from reverend father to real father.
But in order to give his children his name and to give lola the honor that she deserves. Lolo needed dispensation from the Pope.
A priest who received dispensation remained an ordained minister but his right to practice is taken away or say suspended.
This was not easy. First there were suggestions to not file the dispensation from his seniors due to lack of priests, but lolo filed anyway.
Then the strenuous part, the first letter of request was allegedly lost which made him write the second letter that according to the ministry did not met their specifications. He wrote again but this time he was asked to say that either he was forced to priesthood or to marriage. This my lolo did not agree. Feeling hopeless he wrote a letter to an Italian Spiritual Director who directed him towards several of names all to no avail.
"Lord, let there be a chuckle in this tear."
After nine years of seeking for help he wrote a letter to Archbishop Vidal and in less than 2 years, finally he received dispensation form Pope John Paul II. It took 11 years before my lolo say his vows to my lola.Then, his life after the dispensation happened. He called it Kenosis or emptying.
" He emptied himself from the comfort of being a celibate priest.
" He emptied himself from the honor of presiding a mass and settled with being a sacristan
" And he emptied himself from the dreams of becoming a priest that he had always wanted to be and become a father.
The change was death to my lolo. As if not enough, he felt the remorse that other people felt towards him.He experienced a colleague say to him, "If I were God I would not give you favors because you turned away from priesthood."
Lolo simply replied, "I thank the Lord that you are not He because I am more closely to him than I was in active ministry."
But deep inside he prayed, "Lord, let there be a chuckle in this tear."
It was at this time of despair when he was then hammered down when a fire burned their house together with 1, 783 others, leaving 10, 000 people homeless and 7,000 unemployed.
Immediately, negative emotions and feelings of self-pity came, asking"is this my penance? Saving the honor of my wife and giving name to my children a sin?"
Lolo knew he ought to control the feelings with the power of his will. Again in prayer he asked, "Lord, let there be a chuckle in this tear."
He told that it was life's meaning that kept him going. Lolo knew that we can only gained precious things through painful lessons and it is only through waking or shaking us up that we may repent our sins or imperfections.
Today, lolo is pleased with his three children living on their own. He is delighted in writing religious articles, glad in delivering invocations in programs or seminars and contented in leading recitation of grace before meals.
When I asked, given the chance, would you still live the same life? He said yes, I am a person who wants to try everything that Life has to offer, the sweetest sweet and the bitterest bitter.
And because of this journey that he learned to just laugh - how to be happy even when life has other plans for you.