Getting into that thing they call Motherhood

MANILA, Philippines – It must be a one-of-a-kind experience. You have your tummy checked by the doctor, he affirms. You go through the nine months: of craving the weirdest things (from the sourest mangoes to Magnolia strawberry ice cream), of insane mood swings, of testing your husband’s love for you. At the end of it all, your water breaks, you go through insane labor and the breathing exercises that now don’t seem to work, then boom! You’re finally holding that warm, soft bundle in your arms and in that instant, everything, and everything in those nine months have all been worth it. Looking back to maybe just a year ago, you realized how much you’ve changed.

“As people age and experience new things in life, their tendencies change,” says Czarina Medina, social sciences instructor at Ateneo de Manila University. “As we said, ‘No one is being, everyone is becoming.’ Such as in the case of women being mothers, they have to reconceptualize their identities. And now, ‘I’m not just a wife, I’m not just a daughter, I’m also a mother.’”CELINA BELTRAN: The complete 360 at 20 Celina Beltran at 24, and main provider for three-yearold daughter, Zoey, can be labeled the ulirang bayani mother.

She had Zoey at 20 years old back in college. She’s now working at pre-school center Cradle of Joy. In the past years, she’s provided for Zoey mostly on her own, with support from her family. Unexpected blessing “Those were my so called dark ages because I haven’t realized then that Zoey was a blessing,” says Celina of the time she found out she was pregnant. “That she was given to me so that I could change my lifestyle which could have been destructive.” So scar ed and in denial was she, that she even reached a point when she contemplated abortion. “My life did a complete 360 once Zoey came,” Celina says. “The hardest adjustment so far is living a life not just for myself but for Zoey also. In other words, giving up the free, no responsibility, single life. There’s always a Zoey factor in making simple and hard decisions.” Zoey had been one of the greatest blessings in her life, no matter how unexpected. Interestingly enough, the name Zoey means ‘life’ in Greek.” Raising Zoey Celina is one happy young mom. “It has been really great!” she says. “Though I’ll be the first to tell you also that it can be stressful and it’s not always a happy day.”

She says that being a mom is an entirely new experience – like seeing everyday things in an entirely new light. “Going to the zoo is more exciting, swimming is more enjoyable and burning calories is more accessible since you have to follow your child everywhere.” As a mom, she sees to it that she’s the “bad cop” – being more of the disciplinarian, while her mom, the – lola, is more lenient. As the main provider, Celina is the one responsible for mostly the milk, clothes and education for Zoey. Celina says that family support is priceless. “No babysitter or royal nanny can take their place,” she says. “If I have to delegate, I needn’t worry because I know that my family will go all-out in stepping in for me.” Difficulties In her short time as mom, Celina says that she doesn’t think she’s encountered the most difficult challenge yet, but cites her unemployment as a trying time.’“I’d worry every night during those days on how I would provide education, a proper future for Zoey, and where to get money for her milk.”

“The most rewarding experience would be watching Zoey sleep peacefully at night because I know that that day was another happy day where nothing awful happened to her.” The homemaker “I can’t say that motherhood has made me stronger or smarter because I still have fears and still make bad decisions,” she says. “It has, however, made me learn a few new things about myself. For example, I learned that I’m more of a Martha Stewart than a Paris Hilton, and that I could be the idyllic housewife. Now if only there were an idyllic husband to match!” It has also made her more appreciative of what she has. “I’m now thankful for the things that I took for granted before like rent-free living accommodations, travels abroad, DSL Internet and shopping sprees at the supermarket with my mom,” she says. More importantly, it made her value family more. Celina expects difficult and tear-jerking days with Zoey in the future. But she’s driven to surpass the negativity. “I’m positively sure that our happy days together would trump the sadness and problems anytime and any day of the week.”

ITIN GONZALES: Rearing, the Filipino way “I suppose motherhood’s made me braver and more confident. It’s also showed me that motherhood is, when you get right down to it, a full-time role. Once you’re in it, you can never shake it or turn it off. I love it,” says Itin Gonzales. Itin, 29, is currently a part-time preschool teacher based in Sydney, Australia. She moved there in 2004, and was joined in 2005 by husband, Third. Aside from establishing their own household as well as professions (she as former full-time preschool teacher, and he at the Woolworth chain of grocery stores), Itin is now the proud mother of ten-month-old Emilio, or Mio, for short.

The Filipino way “It’s a totally different culture here in Sydney and working in schools here, I’ve seen Fil-Aussie kids with very different values compared to children raised in the Philippines,” Itin says. “We are hoping (and will try our best) to raise him as Filipino as possible.” Having worked in Filipino-Aussie schools, Itin stresses that they want Mio to learn the traditional Filipino values, complete with pagmano, and the use of “po” and “opo.” Itin says that of course, they want Mio to be well-read as he grows, with a diverse set of interests. “We want him to] be into sports,” she says. “Be like David Beckham! Maybe drive very fast Ferrari cars! But we can only support him and will never tell him what or who to be.” Everyday sacrifices Living in Sydney offers various comforts like cleaner air, less political woes, and a view of the Opera House on a good day. But just like most Filipinos living in greener pastures, mothers abroad have to do without yayas. “I had to quit my full-time job so I can be with Emilio while Third is at work,” says Itin. “Having no maids means juggling ‘Emilioduties,’ wifely duties and house chores 24/7.”

Their everyday routine includes Third coming home from work and taking Mio, while Itin takes care of the dinner, as well as organizing things. It also involved lifestyle changes for the young couple with the decrease of “me time,” and spending, since almost everything is Mio, Mio, Mio now. “We are now staying home more often and trying to spend as much time with family and relatives,” she says. “Budget- wise, we are stricter. No more shopping for bags, shoes or clothes. It’s now buying just the essential stuff and good stuff for Mio.” Contentment Itin is now working part-time in the preschool center. She says that it’s a big decision for her and Third for her to go back to work full-time. But having Mio is rewarding on so many levels. Itin says that one of the things that she loves about being a mom is being part of her son’s milestones. “From something as seemingly trivial as Mio learning what the nurses would call his ‘suck reflex’ so they could allow him to take his feed via a bottle and not the naso-gastric tube which they had placed on him (Mio was born premature), to his more recent ones like sitting up by himself, crawling, standing up, and his first syllable ‘Ba!’” She also loves it when her son smiles. “After a long day of working in the kitchen, cleaning, washing clothes, ironing, changing his diapers, giving him a bath, running after him, I look at him and Third and I wouldn’t change anything,” she says. “It’s all worth it. I still miss having my own time, but I have accepted and loved the fact that ‘me time’ now includes my boys.”

ARA SISON: Her hidden bundle of joy “I never thought I can love something or someone this much,” says Ara Sison, 23. “It’s different than anything I’ve ever felt before. It’s different from what my husband and I have. I have someone from my own flesh and bone, which grew inside of me for nine months and the feelings I have right now is so hard to put into word. That’s how Ara feels about motherhood. It’s only been more than a month since she’s had her baby (she gave birth last April 7), but she’s overcome with feelings like awe and love for her son, Matthew. Hidden pregnancy Part of Ara’s love story and pregnancy can be featured on a telenovela, or a dramatic suspense novel, complete with secret wedding. A stewardess based in Abu Dhabi, where getting married out of wedlock was not allowed, Ara found out that she was pregnant by then boyfriend, and current husband. Ara had to keep her pregnancy undetected during the early months. “I was in a country where getting pregnant out of wedlock is punishable by law,” she says. “It was such a risk for myself and the baby because I know that once the authorities find out about me, I will be locked up and detained until I give birth.” Ara was also working as a flight attendant then. Concealing her morning sickness at 40,000 feet up in the air proved to be no joke! “I had to keep myself from throwing up in public and put on a smile despite the nausea,” she says. “Calling in sick for a flight and during a flight became common to me. This of course affected my performance and got me reprimanded a couple of times.” It was a better option though, compared to getting caught on the job. Ara was also on probation then so quitting her job would mean that she had to pay the bond.

“I had to wait for my annual leave to come because by the time I come back, I’m already a regular employee and can resign whenever I want without having to pay the bond.” While on leave, Ara and her boyfriend married in secret. When Ara went back to the UAE, she declared everything, worked on ground and then resigned. She then went home to the Philippines. “My family was scared for me even after I got married because I can still be prosecuted if anyone finds out that I conceived prior to my wedding,” she says. Jobs, hormones and body issues Ara says that one of the biggest adjustments she’s ever done in the course of marrying, and having a baby, was quitting her job. “This is the first time I’ve been dependant on someone else aside from my parents,” she says.

“I’ve always been on my own, very independent and self-reliant, and now I’m adjusting to my husband trying to take care of everything.” She says it was also hard because when they were in Abu Dhabi, her husband was unemployed for seven months. He is currently working in Manila. “At least now though, being back in Manila, things are a bit better since he started working again,” she says. “I know it’s been tough on him too because like me, he have never had to worry about anyone’else but himself, and now we have this bundle of joy to feed and clothe and house.” The physical and emotional changes have also been challenges. “It didn’t help that my hormones went crazy during pregnancy, but I was able to manage and still managing now, even after birth,” she says. Physically, she is still adjusting to how her body is reacting to the baby. “From the beginning of the pregnancy when I was having was bad morning sickness until after childbirth, when every time my baby cries, my breast would begin to flow of milk.”

Body image has also become an issue. “I’m still adjusting to how my body looks now,” she says. “I’m a long way from my days on the beach sunbathing with my bathing suit and not being so selfconscious. My husband tells me I’m still as beautiful as I was when we first met, but it’s hard to believe that, when I see a different woman in the mirror, where everything doesn’t look the same to me.”

Maturity becomes Ara Ara has also realized how selfless and responsible she’s become. “Before I had no care in the world except for my own self indulgences, but now I always think twice on everything I do,” she says. “And it’s not like it’s a negative thing. Like right now, I’m more excited shopping for my baby than for myself, and I am filled with joy every time I leave the mall with bags in my hand and all of it is for baby.” Ara also understands now where her parents come from. “I never really understood why my parents were the way they were towards me until now,” she says. “Every time I look at my son, all I want to do is keep him safe and happy and support all his needs the best that I can. And I understand now the hardship and struggle parenting really is.

” She says that seeing her husband and baby smile however, make the sacrifices all worth it. “My baby can’t do much since he’s barely a month old but whenever he sleeps and tries to push himself against my body to feel me, I know it’s his way of telling me he loves me.” Ara is excited to face motherhood. And with her husband by her side, she hopes to raise Matthew into a good man. Aside from the changes that moms go through, the social sciences instructor says that motherhood is about maximizing your potential as a woman. “If you’re willing to take [all of the things that come with being a mom], why not, what’s stopping you?” Medina says. “What matters at the end of it all is that you are true to the core relationships that you want to maintain, that work with you, and who you are, and who you want to be. Then you can take on the challenges of being the supermom of today. Sabi nga, ‘Those who have a why, can take on almost every how.’”