Understanding the dream

Every parent has a subconscious wish for their child to follow in their footsteps somehow. If you’re a doctor, you’d like your offspring to join the family trade. If you’re a politician, the shared surname is a powerful tool for continuity. Unfortunately, in reality, Sports does not really work the same way. Many children would rather step out of the shadows of their famous, formidable parents. It is even more rare for a child to excel in the same sport at the same level as his or her father or mother.

This writer has had three opportunities to see how parental influence can help mold or at least guide children in sport. My sons are now in their 30s. Sports definitely had to play a big role in their lives. In fact, when they hit their teens, I recruited them to be in front of the camera for my old program, The Basketball Show. We tried a wide variety of sports, from swimming to wall climbing to aikido and so many others. One thing you will have to learn as a parent is to understand the dreams of your child. And with that comes a degree of letting go of your own personal preferences.

Naturally, you would think that being in a particular field would give your progeny a headstart over other children. But you have to factor in one very important aspect: choice. It is perhaps the most difficult thing to accept when you have dreams for your own children. They may not want to do what you want them to do. They may not want to become what you want them to become. You have to let them discover that for themselves.

Inevitably, friendships, relationships, environment, trends and technology will come into play. If you insist on what you want them to become, it’ll take three times the energy for them to do it. And they could resent you in the end, anyway. Even if you think you’re right, you would risk burning bridges with your own kids. My sons were very competent basketball players in high school. It was very difficult, but they were able to get into the university of their choice. But the school’s basketball program was just flooded with talent. Thus, they were renovated to the B team. After three years of this, they decided that basketball was not the path meant for them. It hurt when this happened, but this was their choice to make. Fortunately, the discipline and willingness to continuously take care of themselves took root, and they still regularly work out. Basketball is now a fun option.

When my daughter was two, her pediatrician told me that she would be at least 5’10”. My mind wandered to how she would be able to buy shoes her size and not feel awkward for being extremely tall. But another part of me felt a revived hope that perhaps she would become the next basketball player in the family. It was hard to hold back from pushing her in this direction.

She fell in love with swimming, which, curiously, was her father’s first sport. When this happens, a Dad’s first impulse is to think way way ahead. You imagine what kind of career she would have; is there any money in that sport, can she become a professional, eventually a coach? It’s funny when you project your thoughts 20 to 30 years into the future.

Inevitably, the passion that may drive a child to indulge in a sport for endless hours in a day may taper off. Eventually, their interest may be pulled by other things. My daughter loves the arts. She can sing, dance, right and do voices. But her single greatest talent is animation. Mind you, she’s only 13. So now, the most her parents can insist on is swimming for fitness, structure, and discipline. Who knows if, in the future, she will discover some other sport, although we know it might be too late by then. But you have to understand your child’s dream. It is not yours to follow. All you can do is back them up, stand on the sidelines, cheer them on, and be happy that they have found their passion and purpose. Most people take a lifetime to get it.