Spanking and motivation

“Years of research have shown that spanking children is ineffective and potentially harmful. These facts have led the American Academy of Pediatrics to recommend, in a new policy statement published Monday in the journal Pediatrics, that parents not spank, hit or slap their children.” – Elizabeth T. Gershoff, professor of human development and family sciences, The University of Texas at Austin

The research and its subsequent conclusion were published online before the weekend. It updates a 30-year old statement issued by the 67,000-member group encouraging parents to find alternative means of disciplining their children. When this writer posted the news on social media, it spawned a lively debate, which thankfully did not descend into argument. But many of the opinions on both sides made sense, for and against spanking.

A small child cannot distinguish between doer and deed. If you are not very clear and consistent with your communication, the child’s self-esteem will take the hit. He or she will be confused. My parent says they love me, but why do they hurt me? 

“Spanking teaches a child that the world is not fair, that consequences are much bigger than the fault,” said a TV network sports producer. “Sometimes, I wonder if our generation is right in sparing the rod.”

That latter comment is in reference to an observed entitlement that has been seen to become more prevalent. In the 1990’s, giving out participation medals became a trend, particularly in the US. Kids were basically rewarded just for showing up. So they become more frustrated when they don’t get what they want. Even in sports, children would just need to be there to get medals. A handful of American professional athletes proudly told their offspring to return the undeserved medals because they didn’t earn them.

I’ve seen coaches scream and shout at their players, and that was the mildest consequence of all. I’ve seen coaches hit players on the head, deprive them of water (an extremely dangerous practice), yank them by the jersey, and otherwise humiliate them unnecessarily. Thank God all that has gradually become unacceptable. 

One commenter quoted the “spare the rod, spoil the child” quote from the book of Proverbs. A television weatherman and triathlete replied that it was a symbolic and not literal quote. “The rod is a representation of authority, of responsible governance,” he said, “while A rod is a piece of stick.”

Others recommended alternatives like making the kid stand in a corner, deprive him or her of their gadget, or make them do chores. 

“I am a fan of spanking children,” replied a UAAP coach. “I believe the issue is whether the parent spanks venting their own anger or whether it is punishment based in love and what you believe is best for the child. Further, there must be discussion following corporal punishment. This is where comprehension of the reasons for punishment are explained and love is reinforced. If you strike out of anger, you will cause damage. Discipline without self-discipline is not discipline at all. It is abuse.”

Each child is different. There is no cookie-cutter way to bring up a child. Understanding, communication and love are the best paths to choose. No matter how challenging (and maddening) it can be. 

Your child is worth it.