GOLF RULES

In last Saturday's column my old friend Merv Simpson, an American who's now more Pinoy than Kano (since he has lived longer on our Lupang Hinirang than most of us Filipinos) pointed out an unwritten rule that could help us police our ranks of all the assorted creeps that take the fun out of the game. "Remember Rule 41," chortled Merv, "Don't Play With Bastards." Yup, just make it hard for these spoilsports to find a game.

But there's another unwritten law: Rule 35. Callaway, golf's biggest clubmaker, has decided to enter the cutthroat golf ball market, joining the fray with two balls, both under the name Rule 35. It's a word play on the fact that there are only 34 Rules of Golf. Rule 35, according to Callaway, is "Enjoy the Game."

What ball are you currently playing? Will you buy Callaway's Rule 35 ball?

To switch or not to switch, that is the question, as Hamlet might have wondered. Ely Callaway, the company's chairman and CEO, is betting that you will. "Vision without courage isn't worth a dime," he said. "We showed a lot of courage when a lot of our friends on Wall Street said we shouldn't be doing this. It would have been easier for us to buy a premium ball company and stamp our name on it."

Instead, Callaway built its own ball plant and incurred $170 million in start-up costs before the first ball was sold. Even the packaging is unorthodox: it lacks performance information; and the balls are sold in 5-ball sleeves for $22 and 10-ball packs for $44.

But what are the balls made of? Mysteriously, Callaway isn't saying -- only that the balls are a three-piece construction. One of the balls simply comes with a red logo and is called Firmfeel; the other has a blue logo and is called Softfeel.

Will the world take Callaway's ball to its bosom? That remains to be seen. Many industry insiders question why Callaway, whose stock plummeted from almost $39 a share to below $10 during an industry downturn, would enter such a tough market, one owned 40 to 45 percent by industry giant Titleist, with Spalding and Maxfli firmly in numbers two and three.

Anyway, folks, I gathered the above from the April issue of Golf Magazine. Obviously, Callaway has high hopes that the world's golfers will love their balls in the same way they've fallen head-over-heels for their clubs. Will they? Will you?

Callaway stockholders, I imagine, are probably keeping their fingers crossed.

Man Plays From Red Tees

Q. [from a "Forbes Park Resident"] Now infirm, I normally play from the more manageable red tees, where my gross scores usually range from 105 to 110. When I look at club-members' posted handicaps, I notice that my handicap -- which revolves around 35 -- is indexed at 31. But the gross handicaps of players using the blue tees remain unchanged. Kindly enlighten a discouraged player on the logic of such an indexing procedure.

A. Since you're practically next door to Manila Golf, you must be a member. If so, contact that club's Lisa Mendoza at Tel. 817-0266. She handles handicapping matters and would be in a position to explain everything to you. In any case, let me say that a handicap system allows players of different abilities to compete on fairly even terms (a player's gross score, less his handicap, should give him a net close to par). But such a handicap would not be accurate if used on another course, or even the same course but played from another tee. For this reason, handicap indexes were devised. Your handicap index allows you to compute a fair handicap for yourself on any properly rated course anywhere, one with a "slope rating" (based on its degree of difficulty) for each of the differently colored tees. In other words, you don't take your handicap to another course, instead you bring your handicap index (which is updated every month if you play regularly). Using your index and the handicap table at the clubhouse, you can determine your fair handicap. You'll see -- whether playing on your home course or away -- that your handicap will be lower from the red tees, higher from the white tees, and higher still from blue tees. Hence, you'd get an even chance to win -- no matter on which course or tee the competition is held. NOTE: For your index to be properly computed, you must always indicate on your score card from what tees you played: blue, white or red.

Why The Yakking Stopped

Merv Simpson tells the tale of the old couple driving home after a round of golf. The car was chased and stopped by the police. "Sir," the officer addressed the elderly driver courteously, "your wife fell out of the car five miles back."

"Why, is that all? Thank God! I thought I'd gone deaf!"

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