Apologies

Sorry!” It’s not, “Please accept my apology,” or “I want you to forgive my wrongdoing.” Just plain “Sorry!” How often have I heard someone attempt to convey regrets with that one word?

I couldn’t help thinking of this when newspapers showed a picture of American Admiral William Fallon, bowing before the Japanese families of victim who were killed by a US submarine in a training accident. Bowing is little understood by foreigners, but how you do it can be the difference between insulting someone or expressing sincere regret.

In Japan, the most elaborate expression of contrition is called dogeza that literally means “sitting below ground.” It is a full kowtow with the kneeling supplicant’s head touching the floor. Attitude and posture are everything. “The first consideration,” said an authority on Japanese culture, “isn’t how guilty you are, but rather a desire to show your concern for the other person.”

Reaching out in humility to find healing can save a marriage or any relationship. The apostle Paul talked about a sorrow that leads to repentance and a sorrow that leads to death. One is false and the other is genuine, accompanied by humility and repentance. It is the heart bowing to another, acknowledging that you have wounded a person.

Honestly, we have a lot to learn, not just about culture but also about genuine contrition and repentance. The white-haired admiral, with six inches of gold braid on his sleeve and head bowed, gave us a good model. Genuine contrition goes far beyond the word, “Sorry!”