Sigmund Freud, the Viennese psychiatrist who has become the guru of the profession, once said, "One must forgive one’s enemies, but not before they have been hanged." I couldn’t help but think of those words as I conversed with a dignified, cultured woman in her 70’s. She told me she had grown up with a strong sense of loyalty instilled in her, but when someone crossed the line and betrayed her, that person became an enemy until death.
Late in life, something happened that forced her to re-examine this whole premise. Jesus Christ became real to her, and she was struck by what He said, "For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins" (Matthew 6:14,15). She reasoned, "If God won’t forgive me unless I forgive my enemies, I guess I had better learn how to do it."
Forgiveness not only violates our culture, but it violates human nature itself. Author Philip Yancey calls it "an unnatural act." In an article by the same title he writes, "You don‘t find dolphins forgiving sharks for eating their playmates. It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there, not dog-forgive-dog."
To hold on to your bitterness and hatred is easy; to release it and to extend forgiveness to your enemy isn’t natural–it is supernatural. It takes the grace of God, but God’s grace is there and will help you accomplish just that.
Pondering the issue of God’s forgiveness helps us to understand how illogical–and, yes, unnatural–this whole matter of forgiveness really is. Why should God think up any reasons to forgive us who have shaken our fists at heaven and walked away, turning our backs on the cross?
Understanding that I could never summon even slightly persuasive reasons as to why God should forgive me, I am stripped of any reason as to why I should not forgive someone else. My debt forgiven by God is far greater than that which I must address involving my wife, my neighbor or my friend. Writing to the Ephesians, Paul teaches us a new pattern: "Forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you" (Ephesians 4:32).
What does forgiveness do? First–it breaks down the door of the prison where you have been both prisoner and jailer. Bitterness has imprisoned you, and your isolation from someone who was once your friend has nailed shut the door. Life is far too short to live with anger and hatred.
Second–forgiveness restores and heals broken relationships. "I’d so much like for my brother to come to my wedding," a man told his counselor. "Well, why don’t you invite him?" "Oh, I can‘t do that. We haven’t spoken to each other for years." "How come?" There was a long pause before the man said, "You know, it seems foolish, but I can’t remember. Something happened and we just drifted apart." That drifting apart is the natural result of an unforgiving spirit. To forgive reverses that trend and brings you back towards each other.
Third–forgiveness also adds years to your life and health to your soul. Is that a scientific fact? It is. Make a study of individuals who have lived beyond 80 years and you will find people who generally are at peace with themselves and have learned to forgive their enemies.
Philip Yancey is right. Forgiveness is an unnatural act, but it is one we desperately need today. - Resource reading: Psalm 68