Handling your anger the right way

"Do not be quickly provoked in your spirit, for anger resides in the lap of fools."- Ecclesiastes 7:9

"You can be angry and still be good," says Dr. Neil Warren, a practicing psychologist and a born again Christian. "Right," you say, "that is what I want to do, be good and mad but still be good." Knowing how to do it is the secret. Here are five ways you can learn to cope with anger.

Guideline #1. Learn to cope with anger by avoiding stressful situations. Naturally we cannot avoid all stress, but we can avoid some. Organize yourself so you eliminate stressful situations that evoke anger, like getting up too late consistently so that you have to drive fast to work, or failing to leave for the airport on time, or planning your time so tightly that the slightest change of schedule really angers you. Plan ahead and eliminate some of those situations that are apt to trigger your temper.

Guideline #2. Learn to cope with your anger by putting the situation that angered you into perspective. When you start to feel the slow burn, ask yourself, "Is it really worth the emotional stress and strain to get angry?" Maybe you need to ask, "Is that person worth my losing my temper?" The problem with too many today is that they are temperamental–too much temper and not enough mental. Is it worth the risk of getting fired to tell your boss off? What does your anger do to your family? Put the circumstances into perspective, and you will learn to keep your temper in tow.

Guideline #3. Learn to discipline your emotions. There are times when the kingdom of God is better served by your learning to discipline your speech and keeping your temper under control. A 6-foot 9-inch basketball player by the name of Baynard Forrest discovered this when he was playing for Athletes in Action. "If I cannot control my temper out there (speaking of the basketball court)," Forrest told a reporter, "I am not going to be a great witness. I know it gets real tough under the basket and that hard, physical contact is part of the game, but I have to retain my cool if I am going to be a Christian example."

Guideline #4. Vent your emotions so anger does not breed in your heart. The following are five practical ways to do this: 1) Physical exercise is a great stress-reliever. 2) Music is a good outlet to release emotions. Leonard Bernstein once said, "It is a remarkably lucky thing to be able to storm your way through a Beethoven Symphony. Think of the amount of rage you get out. If you exhibited that on the streets, or in an interpersonal relationship, you would be thrown in jail. Instead, you’re applauded for it." He is right. Beat the keys of the piano instead of your wife or kids. 3) Vent feelings through painting; or 4) Talk your emotions out, preferably with the person who has angered you, but even another person can be a sounding board to vent those deep emotions. 5) Cleanse your emotions through prayer. "Have we trials and temptations," wrote Joseph Scrivens, "Is there trouble anywhere? We should never be discouraged, Take it to the Lord in prayer."

Guideline #5. Learn to cope with anger by eliminating stressful situations that you can change. Sometimes a change of jobs is better than a constant slow burn. Perhaps it means changing churches or buying a new car. There are some things, of course, that cannot be changed, and sometimes we just have to learn to live with them. And that’s where the grace of God makes the difference.

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Guidelines for Finding Your Way is available in bookstores nationwide. For more information, write to Guidelines Philippines, Box 4000, 1284 Makati City or e-mail [email protected]. Visit our website www.guidelines.org.