Here Comes The Sitman

One funny item recently in the otherwise depressing business section of the paper was that Toto, the
Japanese toilet manufacturer, is soon to export its Shower Toilets to China and the US at $4,000 a pop. It’s
their locally successful all-in-one toilet and bidet with a control panel on the side.

Now you don’t have to wipe your posterior because the luxury models have a post-spray warm air dryer.

After the conference, I bullet trained it to a couple of other cities on the cheap and stayed in budget hotels. There were sadly no more Totos. I was hooked. I want one and will get one when it becomes a hit and the price goes down.

Giggle now, you puritans. I’m predicting sales that’s going to push Japan’s economy out of its doldrums. Remember the Walkman? Here comes the Sitman.

I’m in Tokyo for a conference and put up in a fancy hotel. There’s one in my bathroom so a consumer test is unavoidable.

My bathroom model is not Toto– but close enough. The first thing that’s different is you sit on a warm seat. In fact, there’s Low and High seat temperature buttons on the side. The manufacturer thinks I want my morning tooshie heated but when I sit on it, I get the weird feeling like someone has just sat on it a few seconds earlier. Total turn off. I’ve always liked my seat cold when I press butt. (How to override it? Lift ing the seat and leaving it–a guy thing–turns the heat off).

Then there’s a Shower button. I think for a few seconds if that’s the right term, like bad English on their t-shirts. You press it and a pipe sticks out under the seat and begins to spray your fanny. There’s a Bidet buttontoo; press that and your fanny also gets sprayed. I tried switching back and forth figuring out pressure or nozzle differences but didn’t think there were any. Then again, I’m no connoisseur to such high-tech ablutions.

But here’s the marvel of Japanese technology. I’ve tried several other of these models in other Japanese settings. One really weird thing is that the spray always, always hits the bull’s eye. I don’t know how they do it. Perhaps an infrared beam scopes your behind, and in a nano-second, locks onto target and hits home. All the time.

I’d move my behind some degrees here and some degrees there and, splash, still a perfect douche. Like the mysteries of the internet (where do my messages get stored?) I just chuck it to the nerds to figure this one out.

Of course the spray comes in all temperatures and in the fancy Toto models, you can override the automatic and joystick the spray wherever you want. Oooh! That tickles! And if you’re into denial, there’s an air purifier somewhere in the bowl that ionizes nasty smells.

As responsible manufacturers, they have warning instructions right on the lid. Like: Never immerse the shower toilet or splash it with water (Say what?) or Never disassemble or remodel the shower toilet (Wouldn’t think of it).

This new invention could only come out of antiseptic Japan. This is the country where you don’t have to touch a door knob, turn a faucet or flush a urinal. Sensors do all that for you. You’re already germ-free and they still hand you towelettes in every restaurant.

Now you don’t have to wipe your posterior because the luxury models have a post-spray warm air dryer.

After the conference, I bullet trained it to a couple of other cities on the cheap and stayed in budget hotels. There were sadly no more Totos. I was hooked. I want one and will get one when it becomes a hit and the price goes down.

Giggle now, you puritans. I’m predicting sales that’s going to push Japan’s economy out of its doldrums. Remember the Walkman? Here comes the Sitman.