Understanding the other half

This email from my friend Tet came with the admonition: "Send this to smart women who need a laugh and to the guys you think can handle it."

Let me say straight out that yes, this is sexist, chauvinistic even, politically incorrect (or at least askew), and some of you readers will probably rush to your computers and heap scorn and venom on me through email. On the other hand, there will be those who will nod in agreement or otherwise express affirmation, as several who have read this (both men and women) have done. Hopefully, though, this will cause you to smile or, better yet, burst out laughing, which is the point of this email.

Relationships in this age of the chat room, sexual harrassment and even sars (now you have to check if your date has traveled to sars-infected territories recently) have become so convoluted it may seem better–easier, for sure–to just get a dog or a plant or a quart of chocolate ice cream. This is just to remind you not to take things–or men, or women–too seriously, and that one of the most important ingredients in relationships is laughter. Read on and, I hope, laugh. You can hate me later.

1. The nice men are ugly.

2. The handsome men are not nice.

3. The handsome and nice men are gay.

4. The handsome, nice and heterosexual men are married.

5. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men, have no money.

6. The men who are not so handsome, but are nice men with money, think we are only after their money.

7. The handsome men without money are after our money.

8. The handsome men who are not so nice and somewhat heterosexual, don’t think we are beautiful enough.

9. The men who think we are beautiful, that are heterosexual, somewhat nice and have money, are cowards.

10. The men who are somewhat handsome, somewhat nice, have some money and are heterosexual, are shy and never make the first move.

11. The men who never make the first move automatically lose interest in us when we take the initiative.

Men are like a fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it’s a woman’s job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.