Respecting Differences

"Wives, submit to your husband as to the Lord...Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her. " – Ephesians 5:22, 25

Nearly 200 years ago, Matthew Henry wrote that when God made woman, He did not take a bone from Adam’s foot so he could trample a woman under his feet. Neither did He take a bone from Adam’s head so he could dominate her. Instead He took a rib from under his arm so he could protect her, and close to his heart so he could love her.

That men often don’t know how to treat women is obvious! It is not only a cultural issue; it’s a genetic issue as well. While God gave men the instinct to lead, He never gave them license to dominate or abuse. Peter, the fisherman-turned-preacher, wrote, "Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers" (1 Peter 3:7).

It is not only in physical strength that men and women differ. What drives them is different. How they communicate is different. How they approach their work or relate to their families is different. Even how they express themselves is different. Failing to understand those differences produces arguments, abuse and layers of misunderstanding.

The feminist or women’s rights movement has been an attempt to put an end to the lopsided abuse which some women have received. Yet the very attempt to put an end to injustice has robbed some women of motherhood, companionship and marriage.

When sexual differences are respected, three things happen: First, individual needs can be met in marriage. Ambrose Bierce wrote, "Marriage consists of a master, a mistress and two slaves, making in all just two."

God never intended sexual differences to pit men and women against each other in an unending battle of the sexes. It was His intention to let those differences meet each other’s needs–for each one’s strength to play the other’s weaknesses complement in such a way that a couple forms a bond in marriage, allowing each to meet the needs of a mate, giving and receiving satisfaction and happiness which can come no other way.

The second result of recognizing sexual differences is that an inter-dependence in marriage produces harmony and happiness. The concept of absolute independence just doesn’t work. A plus and a minus produce a whole, but two minuses only produce negative feelings and emotions. When each person learns what part he or she plays in a marriage, a team spirit develops.

The third result is that there is an intimacy which touches every part of a person’s life. This is far more than sexual, but an emotional union which includes the spiritual as well as the emotional and physical.

Following God’s orders in relation to our differences is not only good for a marriage, it is good for the individuals involved. You just can’t improve on God’s way.

Resource Reading: Ephesians 5:22-32