Her fans will have to make do with that very personal album (sprinkled with enough trivia about crushes and growing up in a big family) for the next couple of months. Family and health has, again, overshadowed her 19-year-old singing career. It was while justifying her guilt for going on a forced hiatus (unless she wants her chronic laryngitis to turn into nodules) that life took a painful turn with the near-fatal accident of Vandolph late last year.
As the old adage puts it: Life happens after you’ve made your plans.
Zsa Zsa’s life is worth more than just an album of old reliable love songs. During our mid-afternoon chat at the Cosmopolitan Café a short stride from Tomas Morato, the singer-actress could not help dishing out advice about how to survive life.
Why not when she’s got 37 years of good material to base it on? "No one has ever thought of me as a victim of life. I’m a survivor," she insists. "I’ve always shown a very strong veneer. Even in my own home, no one sees or hears me cry. They just know I’m feeling bad because my eyes are puffy. Sometimes my strength hinders my acting. When I’m asked to cry in front of the camera, it’s hard for me to show emotion because I don’t take problems seriously. I know that things happen in life and I just have to be strong."
She may not have the look of a hard-nosed survivor–from the tip of her parlor-lavished hair to the ends of pretty little toes–but Zsa Zsa has a thing or two to say about living and loving. Who best to give us a survivor crash course than the diva who has been there, done that and done it some more?
Even consistently controversial singer-actresses enjoy normal times. Here are a few things Zsa Zsa swears you’ll need to do when your life is set on cruise.
Show appreciation for those who support you.
Gratitude is a virtue she has learned from life partner Dolphy. It’s no secret that the Comedy King has not lost his title simply because he remains approachable to fans. So even when Zsa Zsa would rather walk anonymously at the mall, she never declines a request for an autograph.
"Honestly, there are times when I feel bad because our kids have to stand aside while we sign autographs or pose for pictures. Those are precious moments for us because we get to spend time together as a family. But I try to remember that without our fans, we would not be successful. Those few minutes we spend with them are also very precious. Imagine, these are people who will support you through thick and thin. Why shouldn’t you show them appreciation?"
Don’t let courtesy compliments drown out the truth.
Having a strong support system isn’t always beneficial. Sometimes, your rah-rah team can actually protect you from painful truths.
"Sometimes, when I’m worried about something, I ask the people around me what they think. The only problem is that, most of the time, these people have a tendency to tell me what I want to hear. Of course, an employee won’t tell her boss that she looks fat. Yes, it’s good for the ego to have people say you look good or that you’re doing well. But try to listen to other people too. You may be tuning out the truth because it hurts."
When dieting, it’s better to take things slow.
As a celebrity, Zsa Zsa feels even more pressure than most women to stay picture perfect. But, despite the prevalence of diet pills, she refuses to use drastic measures.
"I have to admit that I’m beginning to feel my age since it’s getting harder and harder for me to lose weight. But I don’t believe in popping pills. I’d rather go on a slow but sure diet. What’s mine? Through the years, I’ve noticed that I gain a lot of weight from eating carbohydrates. So, what I do is that I cut down a lot on the carbo. Find out what diet best suits you and stick to it. That’s the healthy way to do it."
I believe in vigilant parenthood.
When it comes to parenthood, Zsa Zsa believes the times call for vigilance. It’s not easy raising daughters (Nicole, 11 and Zia 10) on a diet of risqué material served by the mass media as well as the internet.
"I grew up in a generation that knew nothing about sex education. But I see the need to be open with my kids when it comes to their sexuality. I mean you can’t protect your kids from the world. You may not want to know things but how do you keep them from seeing, hearing and watching sensitive material on TV, cable and the internet? Once, I saw their eyes pop out while watching the trailer of a film about lesbians. I was also shocked because I didn’t realize that even trailers should be censored. So I had to talk to them about homo-sexuality–that it isn’t bad but that it’s a choice that a person makes. I believe that parents should discuss these issues with their kids. We live in a world where sex has become a commodity. As a mother, I make sure that my daughters know how important their virginity is. It’s tough because you have so many competing messages out there. I also warn them about boys–how their reputations can be ruined by boys who kiss and tell. They may be more susceptible to rumors because their parents are celebrities but I think all girls should be made aware of this."
There is no such thing as quality time.
Zsa Zsa considers herself primarily a working mother. She may be a lot more popular than most working mothers but she shares the same push-and-pulls of a career and family life.
"It’s easy to say that my priority is my family. Actually, I bring my daughters with me when I’m working. But what’s important to children is not quality time. It’s your presence. They expect you to always be there. It’s not easy with my schedule. I’m lucky that Dolphy and I are able to share the responsibility. We take turns attending important school events."
Learn from your regrets.
There are things in life that you may never live down. For Zsa Zsa, it was that impulsive time in her youth when she did not consider the consequences of her action. Pity spilled over from the hearts of the public for then little Kaye, an innocent victim of circumstances.
"I don’t need to broadcast what I’m like as a mother to Karylle (as she is now better known as a budding singer) just to correct whatever misconceptions the public has about me. I don’t want to be accused of using my own daughter to improve my image. It’s a private thing between us. I’ve been honest enough to admit that I regret what I’ve done in the past. I can’t take back the years I didn’t spend with her. But I was young and impulsive. I felt alone because my entire family (parents and siblings) was living abroad. Nobody was there to remind me that what I was doing was gonna hurt so many people. But that’s life. God allows us to make mistakes so we can learn from them. I’m no longer impulsive now. I think before I do something. I’ve learned my lessons well."
Allow your kids to spread their wings.
Though she believes that she will forever be a mother to her kids, Zsa Zsa knows that every parent must learn to let go.
"This early, they’re starting to have dreams of their own. Nicole wants to be a lawyer. Zia hasn’t really made up her mind yet. Sometimes, she wants to be a superstar. I encourage them to aspire for goals. Actually, I’ve suggested that they should study abroad when they’re older. I know it’ll be tough for me to watch them leave. They don’t call it the empty nest syndrome for nothing. But I’ll survive. I got married at 16. My parents survived that."
Not every day is Christmas.
Life is a cycle. Normal times don’t last very long. The trick is knowing that everything is temporary–that only change is constant.
"I’m a realist. I know I won’t be active in my career for very long. Ang tawag na nga sa amin ngayon mga lola na. I can’t tell how long I’ll be around. I don’t have that hunger anymore. It’s also premature for me to say that I’m retiring in so many years. I didn’t get to where I am all by myself. If you remember, there was a time when nobody wanted me because of my scandalous romance. With the help of a lot of people, I slowly got offers again. It would be unfair to them for me to suddenly drop everything without considering their contribution to my career. What my life has taught me is that not every day is Christmas. I should be thankful that I have so many blessings."
Don’t kid yourself: No one is ready for the inevitable.
Being a realist also means admitting that you can never prepare for the bad times. Everyone knows that Zsa Zsa’s May-December affair won’t last forever. Every New Year, psychics predict the end of the King of Comedy’s reign.
"They always stay on the safe side by warning him about his health. They predict the obvious," she smiles sweetly. "Am I prepared for what may come? No one is ever ready for that kind of loss. I don’t think I can do anything to prepare for that. It’s difficult to imagine life without him."
Ok, so the good times don’t last that long.
Tough times happen to everyone. Zsa
Zsa has had her share of heartache. Here are some of the lessons she learned.
Things happen for a reason. God knows what’s best for you.
"The worse thing a singer can be asked to do is to stop singing," she explains apologetically after saying that she had gone through a depression during the early stages of her hiatus (not quite official but, hopefully, soon).
The doctor’s diagnosis came months before Dolphy lost his friend Nida Blanca and almost lost his son to a car accident. It was only then that Zsa Zsa realized that things were falling into place. She was relatively free to stand behind her man (Dolphy tends to brood over problems).
"Come to think of it, I was probably warned that he was about to face tough times. Around July or August of last year, I had a dream about him. I was surrounded by my dead relatives (including my lolo who died before I was born). Dolphy was sitting by himself looking grief-stricken. When I asked them why he looked that way, I was reprimanded. They said: ‘Tingnan mo ang asawa mo o, mamamatay na yan di mo pa pinapansin’ (Look at your husband, he’s already dying and you’re not paying him any attention.). I suddenly felt so guilty about neglecting him and the kids. Maybe the dream was warning me that I needed to be more supportive. You really can’t question God. He knows what’s best for us. During crises it’s hard for us to see why things are happening. It’s only much later that we understand the meaning of events."
Families thrive during crisis.
Nothing binds families tighter than a heavy-duty crisis. Just take the Quizons with their spiderweb of confusing relations. Even the most painful grudges melt away in the face of strife.
"Everyone rallied behind Dolphy because we all knew he needed our support. I can’t say I get along with all his children. I’m closer with some of them. Of course, Vandolph is the one I’m closest to because sometimes he stays with us. I think people really saw how we set aside our differences to be by his side. Please make sure you say that Dolphy and I are not taking all the credit. Ness (Alma Moreno, his mother) and Joey (Marquez, his stepfather) did so much too."
As for the Quizon brood, Dolphy’s frail condition is enough reason to have reunions on his birthday and on Christmas.
You can’t shelter kids during a crisis. Instead of isolating them, make them feel they are part of what’s happening.
A lesson for Zsa Zsa involves daughters Nicole and Zia who naturally felt left out during all the confusion of Kuya Vandolph’s hospitalization.
"They are growing up to be such wonderful girls. When Vandolph’s accident happened, of course Dolphy and I poured a lot of our energies (as did the rest of the Quizons and his mother Alma Moreno) into his recuperation. Isn’t that how parents divide their attention? The one who is hurt comes first? But I didn’t realize how much the accident really affected our family. Now, the struggle is getting back to normal. The other weekend, I was able to bring the two girls to a bowling alley. They were so happy. I realized that we hadn’t gone out together since the accident. The nice thing about it was that I didn’t hear any complaints from them. They understood why life was suspended. But I consider it our fault that we never thought of how the crisis would affect them."
Let controversies blow over.
People like talking about other people. Unfortunately, we Filipinos like talking about bad things. But no matter how infuriating crab mentality can be, Zsa Zsa says the best alternative is to keep quiet.
"I’m really not the type of celebrity who would go out of my way to explain my side when issues come out in the papers. I prefer letting the controversy blow over. But until now there are unfair things said about me. Like if I’m suddenly seen out with friends at a party, they start speculating that I’m unhappy at home. These are people who don’t even know me. They’re not even reporters. People like to talk. Unfortunately, I’m a familiar face. Admittedly, Dolphy and I have such a wide age gap that it’s natural for us to have different interests. The problem is that people won’t let me grow. It’s as if I have no right to be seen without my family. Isn’t it natural to want to meet and talk to other people? I want to know a banker. I want to talk to a tindera or someone who owns a small business. As it is, I rarely go out. I know that as a celebrity I’m what you would call public property. But it would be nice if, when people see me in public just unwinding while I’m off-duty, they wouldn’t have such malicious thoughts. What do I do when I’m the favorite topic of conversation? I stay out of sight. Eventually, another person is bound to do something even more interesting."
Get mad but don’t stay bitter.
Keeping the peace doesn’t necessarily mean ignoring the issues. It’s okay to feel bad. Rant and rave if you must. But Zsa Zsa is a firm believer that you shouldn’t carry excess baggage.
"There are people who want to say bad things about me. It sometimes feels like they’re picking on me. But I’ve never filed for libel. I believe that vengeance is not mine. There is payback for anything bad you do. I’m the type who needs to express negative emotion. Then, I forget whatever it is that bothered me. Sometimes, I even tell people: ‘You know what? I was mad at you but I don’t know why. It was really bad because you made me cry.’ Ganun lang. And then, I let it pass. I’m happy that these things have not made me a bitter woman."