Lala Ilao Dinglasan: How to cope with grief

It’s been exactly three years since Lala Ilao Dinglasan’s husband Rafa passed away. Their paths crossed in 1999 at the Metropolitan Basketball Association, where Lala was a courtside reporter for ABS CBN while Rafa was assistant coach for Iloilo MegaVoltz. On Jan. 31, 2003 they got married, shared 18 happy years together and were blessed with two daughters Eneka, now 19, and Marina, now 17. Unfortunately, he contracted Covid in 2021 while saving a life.

“His passing was a profound loss, but his heroic actions continue to inspire us,” shares Lala. Rafa was a legend in DLSU, and was team captain when it won its very first men’s UAAP basketball title in 1989, and again in 1990.

Lala now keeps herself busy managing their garment manufacturing business, Movement 688, which produces uniforms, merchandise, costumes, among others, for various sectors including hotels, resorts, restaurants, hospitals, and multinational companies.

She is also a choreographer, dance teacher, performer, financial advisor, and health and wellness advocate. Their daughters continue to excel academically and athletically, carrying forward Rafa’s legacy.

“Grief is a deeply personal journey, and while it’s challenging, embracing these pieces of advice can help navigate the path towards healing. My marriage to Rafa was not perfect, but we were the best of friends and lovers. People often say I’m the female Rafa and he was the male Lala. We shared so many aspects of our lives and created wonderful, fun, and loving memories together with our daughters,“ continues Lala.

Moving forward, Lala carries these cherished memories, finding strength and joy in them, especially when she sees the smiles and faces of Eneka and Marina. Lala’s parting words as we end this interview, “Remember, you’re not alone, and it’s okay to seek support and find ways to honor your loved one’s memory.”

Here are 10 pieces of advice for navigating grief shared by Lala.

Lala and her daughters Eneka and Marina.

Navigating grief and finding strength: A journey three years after loss

1. Keep yourself busy and productive. Engaging in various activities can help manage the overwhelming emotions of grief. I run Movement 688, a garment manufacturing business. My role encompasses everything, from production management to client relations, ensuring our products meet diverse needs. Alongside this, I work as a choreographer, dance teacher, performer, model, financial advisor, and health and wellness advocate. Balancing these roles with parenting, such as cooking and preparing meals for my daughters, helped me cope in the initial year. Eventually, I learned to slow down and take necessary pauses.

2. Surround yourself with positive people. A strong support system is crucial. My family, friends, and Rafa’s siblings, relatives, and friends have been instrumental in providing emotional support. I’ve learned to distance myself from toxic individuals and surround myself with those who uplift me. A good friend once advised me to avoid people who don’t add value to my life, which has made a significant difference.

3. Allow yourself to grieve. Grief is a process that should be embraced. It’s okay to cry and feel the pain. I’ve found solace in rituals and the act of sharing my feelings. It’s essential to remember that the intensity of grief may not diminish over time, and it’s important to let it out. Sometimes, revisiting old memories, like watching Rafa’s videos, helps me feel connected to him.

4. Pray and seek spiritual support. My faith has been a cornerstone in my healing process. God has been my greatest support, providing me with strength and comfort through this challenging time.

5. Exercise and maintain your health. Physical well-being plays a crucial role in emotional healing. I stay active by dancing, lifting weights, and eating well. Even though I enjoy indulging in good food, staying healthy helps me manage stress better.

6. Travel for healing. Traveling has been a powerful way to find solace and create new memories. After Rafa’s passing, my daughters and I traveled to El Nido, providing much-needed distraction and peace. We then visited Australia to relive and recreate Rafa’s most memorable experiences there. Last August, we journeyed through Europe, fulfilling Rafa’s dream of taking our daughters to London, Paris, Madrid, and Barcelona. Each trip not only honored Rafa’s memory, but also allowed us to create new experiences and strengthen our family bond.

7. Strengthen your relationships. Maintaining a close bond with loved ones is vital. With my daughters, Eneka and Marina, we ensure that we spend quality time together. They are my life and my source of strength.

8. Connect with old and new friends. Reconnecting with old friends and making new ones can be therapeutic. It brings joy and a sense of continuity to your life. I cherish these relationships and the new adventures they bring.

9. Speak openly about your loss. Talking about Rafa and sharing our experiences has been therapeutic. It’s important to express your feelings and know that you’re not alone. Engaging in conversations about your loved ones can be a meaningful way to honor their memory.

10. Prioritize self-care. Taking care of yourself is essential for overall well-being. When you invest in your own happiness and health, it enables you to better support others. Engage in activities that bring you joy and remember to care for yourself as you find your way through grief.

We welcome your suggestions and comments. Please e-mail me at [email protected]. Follow me on Instagram @monsromulo.