10 ‘Motherhood’ statements to live by

Within a span of 3 1/2 years, Rissa Mananquil Trillo, cofounder of Happy Skin, the country’s first homegrown makeup label, successfully set up 13 stores and close to 100 beauty counters across the country. The brand has won 40 beauty awards from top fashion and beauty glossies, was hailed by Ayala Malls as the Most Promising Retailer for 2015 and 2016, and garnered Watsons Philippines’ award as the Most Promising New Cosmetic Brand for 2016 and People’s Choice Award for Cosmetics in 2017. Happy Skin is also the first local cosmetics label to collaborate with the international juggernaut, Disney.

Rissa was awarded Woman Entrepreneur of the Year 2017 by Entrepreneur of the Year (EOY) Philippines, a program founded and globally funded by Ernst & Young and founded in the Philippines by the SGV Foundation. She was also awarded by the local entrepreneurship platform Go Negosyo and was recognized as an Inspiring Filipina Entrepreneur of 2018.

Most recently, she was asked to participate in the United Nations Women’s campaign on promoting the Women Empowerment Principles (WEPs). Her business and beauty insights are shared in her bestselling book, Read My Lips: What It Takes to Build a World-Class Homegrown Brand.

Rissa is a BS Management graduate of the Ateneo de Manila University. She later earned her Executive MBA degree at the Asian Institute of Management. Despite her success in business, her number-one priority is her husband, Paolo Trillo, and three children:  Enzo, Celestia, and Audra. For her, family always comes first.

When asked how challenging parenting is during the pandemic, she replied, “Working, single and fulltime moms are now juggling tasks that had been outsourced to schools, grandparents and yayas. They are folding clothes while attending Zoom meetings. They’re policing screen time while paying the bills online. If the pandemic has taught us one thing, it’s that women really go the extra mile for their family and children. They’re expected to work like they don’t have children and raise children like they don’t work. Some days can feel like a work break, while some days can break you.”

She continues, “In our home, chores and tasks are equal for all regardless of gender. This is very important for me and Paolo to show this to our daughters, because this shapes gender attitudes and career aspirations of what girls can or cannot do. There are tasks that Paolo naturally enjoys doing, like cooking and gardening. Some tasks that play more to my strengths are organizing and teaching. If Paolo is away for work, I will not hesitate to repair or assemble furniture at home.”

Read on as Rissa shares with us pointers on being a parent.

1. Being a mom can make you a better _______. You can fill that blank in with whatever it is you dream of doing or what you are currently doing for a living. Being a mom has made me a better entrepreneur. It’s seeing my children each day that makes me more mindful of what kind of world I’m leaving with them and their generation. It motivates me to contribute harder and with more urgency to the big problems of the world, which is the focus of high-impact entrepreneurs. No matter your profession or your passion, don’t be fazed by old mindsets that say being a mom will cripple you or hold you back.

2. Your maternal instinct can help you lead better. More and more, people are looking for leaders who don’t just exhibit excellence, but also empathy. The mark of a great leader isn’t just an ability to sustain a well-oiled team, but also how well they’re able to understand what drives their people and what holds them back. Being a mom has made me more sensitive to that. This isn’t a call to treat your employees, team, or colleagues like children, but rather to encourage you to discover and tap into your style of leadership, however out-of-the-box that may be.

3. Raising a child takes a village. Being a mom does, too. Allow yourself to be helped, whether that’s by your partner, your family, your team at home or at work, and even your kids! Many ask how I’m able to “do it all,” and the truth is, I don’t. But I am able to do as much as I can, because I have a support system. My husband Paolo always steps up to the plate, not just in being my husband, but also my tag team in raising, nurturing, and educating our children.

4. The best present is presence. It’s normal to want to give your children the world. But when we put so much pressure on ourselves to do this, we feel overwhelmed. When this happens, I remind myself that children naturally have time as their language. For my kids, it’s my present presence that matters. So when I’m with them, I try my best to be there 100 percent. Not just physically present, but mentally, too. No matter how old your kids are, they just need to feel that you’re present; that you’re there when they need you.

5. Honor your emotions. It can be instinct for moms to downplay our emotions. Somehow, we teach ourselves that a display of emotions might make us appear less capable to our children. I’ve hard to unlearn this, because I realized that I want my children to allow themselves to feel all kinds of emotions — not just the good ones — and to acknowledge them. When we honor our emotions, we teach our children to honor their own emotions, too.

6. Allow yourself bad days. Even the mom who appears to have everything together doesn’t have it all down pat all the time. Think of bad moments like a yellow light that serves as a sign for us to slow down, reflect on our thoughts and feelings, and process all that’s going on inside of us. Let go of the pressure to be perfect, and just simply do your best, even if that looks different some days.

7. Partake in self-care. Carving out time for ourselves causes us to feel guilty. But remember, it’s the people around you who will also benefit when you’re mentally and emotionally healthy. The next time you take time out to do something that you simply enjoy for yourself, and the mom guilt starts to creep in, remind yourself that when you’re at your best, it gives your kids the confidence to be their best as well.

8. Use everyday ideas to teach life-changing lessons. Kids will always surprise you with the breadth and depth of their mental and emotional intelligence. I’ve always believed, perhaps because of my own experience growing up, that raising empowered, inclusive women starts at home. Even simple things, like a box of crayons, can be a teachable moment that will eventually shape their belief of what they can do. I want my daughters, Celestia and Audra, to understand that their gender and how they look have nothing to do with their leadership skills, goals, capabilities, and their worth. For me, raising the next generation this way becomes a public good.

9. Motherhood shouldn’t put a deadline on your dreams. Being a mom is often synonymous with sacrifice. We hear many stories of mothers giving up their own plans for their family. I know what that is like, and when you willingly choose that path, the fulfillment it gives is unlike anything else. It always feels worth it. However, there are mothers who have been told that for them to be “good” moms, they should drop their dreams. These archaic standards can leave mothers feeling unfulfilled, as if life has just passed them by. But when a mother is well-supported by society and her home, it becomes possible for her to pursue other things she’s passionate about. By no means does she have to do it all, but she also doesn’t need to be limited to just one path. I started my business after more than a decade of being a mom. Sheryl Sandberg became COO of Facebook while she was a mother. When we empower mothers, we will raise empowered children, too.

10. Celebrate your wins. No matter how small or big! Mark your own milestones and share them with your partner, children, or community. You don’t know who will be helped by your story, simply because you chose to use your voice. The more we see examples of female role models, whether they’re single, married, or with children, the more it will inspire other women to think bigger.

(We welcome your suggestions and comments. Please e-mail me at [email protected]. Follow me on Instagram @monsromulo.)