How to cope with loss & grief

Losing a loved one is one of the most painful experiences in anyone’s life. I know this firsthand because on Nov. 8 last year, my dear sister Lupe, whom we miss so much, peacefully joined our Lord.

During these lowest moments for my family, most especially for my parents, while my sister was comatose in the hospital, it was Lupe’s college friend from the Ateneo  Fr. Carmelo “Tito” Caluag, through his homilies during the Masses and our conversations with him, that kept us strong as we were trying hard to accept the unfolding situation. Looking back now, it was probably Lupe who was whispering to Father Tito on how to help us cope and finally accept that it was her time to join our Creator.

When I asked Father Tito how should I introduce him in this article, his immediate reply was, “I am a teacher and fell in love with being a priest. I studied, worked at the Ateneo, and was a Jesuit to which I owe much of who I am now.” At present, Father Tito is very active working with public schools, ABS-CBN and the Diocese of Novaliches.

With Father Tito during the World Teachers’ Day celebration are (seated) Quezon City Vice Mayor Joy Belmonte, Judy Roxas and Elizabeth Quesada.

“I lost loved ones — my grandparents, parents, best friend and mentee — that made me learn how to grieve the loss, forget the pain and remember the grace. I think one does not forget one’s  loved ones who have passed away, but rather one forgets the pain and emptiness of the loss,” Father Tito shared.

As we approach All Souls’ Day, a time when we all pause and remember our departed loved ones, I asked  Father Tito to share with us how to move on after a heartbreaking experience of losing someone we love. I hope and pray that this article will greatly help our readers who are going through or have been through this heartbreaking experience of losing someone they love.

Fr. Tito Caluag is a friend, teacher and priest to many.

1. Stay with the pain of the loss and allow the grieving process to take its natural course.

2. Take a break from the usual routine you used to share with the departed loved ones.

3. Do something new. Chances are we have many shared activities with our departed loved ones and they are very much a part of our day-to-day routine. So, doing something new/different will help us move on.

4. After grieving or as a part of the grieving process, accept that the departed loved one has gone ahead.

5. Reflect on the circumstances of the passing away of the loved one to understand the meaning of his/her death. Hopefully, you will realize it was a timely and beautiful death when you understand he or she had a meaningful life — and death.

At the ceremonial groundbreaking of the Eugenio Lopez Jr. Center for Media Arts Senior High School in 2016 are (from left) Fr. Tito Caluag, Gabriel Orendain, Quezon City Vice Mayor Joy Belmonte, ABS-CBN president and CEO Carlo Katigbak, COO for Broadcast Cory Vidanes, Department of Education regional director Ponciano Menguito, Division of City Schools-Quezon City’s Elizabeth Quesada, Quezon City Councilor Aly Medalla, Sebastian Ripoll and Philippine Transmarine Carriers business development manager Leslie Suntay.

6. Be grateful for the blessings or graces shared with the loved one; gratitude is a “cure-all” blessing.

7. Remember the departed in a way that keeps alive the grace he or she had been in your life.

8. Pray for the departed. There is a way prayer  can make things positive, so praying will help heal the sense of pain and loss the death of a loved one brings.

9. Renew one’s faith in the Resurrection. Renewing one’s faith in the Resurrection makes one regain perspective. The Resurrection makes us realize life does not end in death and we will all be reunited one day. In a sense, death is a transition from this life to eternal life; a transition we will all go through.

10. This one is from Shadowlands, the story of C.S. Lewis and his wife Joy. Joy, afflicted with terminal cancer, “forced” Lewis to face her imminent death and told him that the joy they share in their life together is part of the pain when death comes. Thus, I think it is the joy in the memory that will heal the pain. In short, live with and love the people who mean much to us while they are with us.

(We welcome your suggestions and comments. Please e-mail me at [email protected]. Follow me on Instagram @monsromulo.)