Sense of a Woman

What makes survivors out of women who have experienced the deepest pain, and yet have emerged from the dark cocoon of their sorrow, stronger and more beautiful than they ever were?

I am sure you have seen a lot of women going through ravaging internal storms looking like a golden ray of sunshine even sans makeup — the widowed Jackie Kennedy, the separated Princess Diana, even Kris Aquino during turbulent times.

I think it’s because they didn’t retreat to the depths of their grief even if they honored it.

STAR columnist Mons Romulo bagged a beauty endorsement while nursing a broken heart. It was because she radiated beauty even in pain — she never gave up on life though tempting it was to throw in the towel.

Now that her marriage has been annulled civilly and in Church, Mons admits she has been attracted to other men but is “scared” about getting into a new relationship. She has suitors but is not dating anyone.

“Most of my suitors are married. Or there was something wrong, not perfect. I think our standards get higher,” she laughs. 

She was Olay Conversations’ first ever guest, in 2013. At the time, she was at a crossroads in her life, going through big changes and a lot of hurt. There is a third installment to that video, and viewers find out what has changed, they get to know the new her, and learn how a woman can turn her life and turn herself into her “Best Beautiful.”

Women who watch the video see themselves — not so much because they’re in the same boat, but because pain has taught Mons how to navigate life and she’s teaching other women how to navigate it through the crosscurrents.

That latest Olay #BestBeautiful video has so far notched 1.449 million hits on YouTube.

Mons Romulo receives an award for her volunteer work for Dugong Alay, Dugtong Buhay from founder Nap Marilag.

 

I had my own conversation with Mons, and am sharing it for all those who want to look their best beautiful even when they’re feeling their worst:

Joanne Rae Ramirez (JRR): What’s the best thing that hard times/adversity taught you?

Mons Romulo (MR): Everything comes to pass. You just have to face adversity when it’s there. You just have to face it knowing that it will not last; it will pass.

JRR: How long is the waiting time, now it’s easy to say that it comes to pass but when you’re in the midst of it?

MR: It was very hard, Joanne, at the time. Like what I said in my earlier interview, at the end of the day, we can be all so happy now with friends but the moment you lie down and close your eyes, it’s just you again, it’s you alone. Even when I would have my hair shampooed and I would close my eyes in the salon, I would feel everything. There was a knife going through my heart.

JRR: In those moments when you were alone in the darkness, how did you cope?

MR: I just had to keep asking God to help me, ‘God, take out the pain.’ Always God.

JRR: Did you ever think of ending it?

MR: Yes, I did in the beginning. But I have three kids and I wanted to be strong for them. Someone once told me how you face this problem is how they will face the problems that will come to their lives later on. I had to become a role model for them. If they see me handling it this way, hopefully that’s how they will handle the problems that will come in their lives.

JRR: Did you turn to work as therapy?

MR: I had to work because I didn’t have money. There were times I would have a colleague with me and I would just end up sitting, not able to move. And my colleagues in the business would understand and they would take around the client. It was hard. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t move. If I could stay the whole day in my bed not eating, I would just be there. I lost 20 pounds.

JRR: Were there warning signs? What should couples watch out for?

MR: When your relationship starts becoming like a ‘single’ married life. You’re married but you go on your separate ways. You really have to be together. You really have to enjoy things together. I never fought with him because they said why will a guy go home to a monster?

JRR: Have you started seeing someone new?

MR: No.

JRR: What made you finally decide to go out. To give the interviews, to do the Olay Conversations?

MR: I did it for myself. I know my dad (former senator and Foreign Affairs Secretary Alberto Romulo) and my brother (Pasig City Rep. Roman Romulo), who are very conservative, wouldn’t have approved but I did it for myself and hopefully inspire other women and comfort them — that it happens, it can happen to them.

JRR: To those who were not too pleased about your openness, what can you say?

MR: I was hurt in the beginning. I’ll be honest with you, after a year, Tita Susie Ortigas came out with more details of her life that was published in a newspaper article. When Tita Susie’s story  came out, they all felt for her. A prominent society columnist told a high-profile young matron, “How come during the time of Mons, you condemned her?” I realized, not everyone who tells you that he or she feels for you, who tells you he or she will be there for you will really be there for you. In the end, it’s really you and God.

JRR: You said you’ve also experienced how it is to be left by friends when your father was no longer in power?

MR: Yes. I’ve seen people also in and out of power.  There are four things that will make people gravitate towards you: money, power, influence and beauty.  When you lose more than half of that…

 For my dad, there were those who turned away but there are those who are still there especially the employees at DFA who would visit him every year or twice a year, during Christmas. They said it was my dad who would even talk to the janitors,  who would ask them, ‘Kamusta na ang pamilya mo’?

JRR: What are your plans now?

MR: I’m comfortable with my life. I’m at the point of my life when I don’t want to be the bida anymore. I’m happy if it’s my son or it’s someone I love or Roman.

JRR: Have you thought of running for office?

MR: Yes. We’re not sure if people will elect me. If I win as Pasig representative, then good. If not, I know where to go already. I’m happy already. I can continue my charity work. With that, I’m thankful to Roman and Irene Francisco, because she’s the one who took me in all her charity organizations. Originally, Irene and I were both with Bantay Bata, then we founded Pink for Life, we’re both with Child Protection Network. I’m also the head of Responsableng Pasigueño.

JRR: Is finding this purpose of serving a cause greater than yourself the silver lining?

MR: Going back to your question how did I go through this problem in my life —  it was when I started doing more charity work that I found out that others have bigger problems than I did. When you see that the problems of others are greater than yours, you feel you can surmount the odds. You feel blessed, and you feel like reaching out.

(You may e-mail me at [email protected].)

Oops…

In my column last Sept. 22 titled “Leni to go where her prayers lead her,” I wrote that Leni Robredo “may well be the country’s first woman Vice President.” It should be “second” woman Vice President.