'Love & Lust in copious amounts forever & a day'

Thus says journalist and former TV talk show host Jullie Yap-Daza of her new book Mistresses Play… Men Stray… The Wives Stay.

Jullie, she of the long-running, widely-read column Medium Rare and author of six books, made her first million by writing about mistresses.

Yes, mistresses.

According to Jullie, her first book Etiquette for Mistresses… and What Wives Can Learn from Them, published in 1992, has had more reprints that she can count on her fingers and toes.

Since the stories of mistresses are the stuff that screenwriters make a mint on, the book was relished by women  the curious, the ravenous, the angry, the aggrieved, and the guilty. Most probably, the book was also devoured by the men  the curious, the ravenous, the angry, the aggrieved, and the guilty.

People know they exist, people know of their circumstances, but most mistresses aren’t like floral centerpieces  though most are physically attractive, they are not laid out on the table. A lot of so-called “mistresses” in Philippine society have not and cannot “come out of the closet.” They can go to jail for committing adultery. Nowadays, with more and more wives aware of their rights and no longer afraid of “what other people will say,” jail is no longer a figment of mistresses’ imagination.

So what goes on inside the closet of mistresses is juicy news that attracts an insatiable audience  the way telenovelas beguile millions.

As in her first book, Jullie dares to bring the tales of mistresses, under pseudonyms of course, out of the closet and on to the coffee table  without judgment, condemnation or condonation.

And I daresay there are more so-called “mistresses” per square kilometer in the Philippines because it is the only country in the world without divorce, and annulments are expensive. Some “mistresses” have actually lived longer with their men than the latter have with their legal wives. Some are actually already accepted by their partners’ children. If there were divorce in the country, they would probably be already “second” legal wives by now.

But there are also mistresses who are plain wicked, mercenary and insensitive. Homewreckers!

 And Jullie’s new book Mistresses Play… Men Stray… The Wives Stay sheds light on why men take on mistresses, why women allow themselves to be mistresses, and why the wives stay despite it all. Her new book, available at National Book Store, is part sociology (it dissects Philippine society and why it has become a cradle for philandering males and mistresses), part legal drama and part telenovela. From beginning to end, it is also like your favorite entertainment column as it is studded with blind items, written in Jullie’s signature picturesque style. Some stories are open-ended, some have tearful endings, some have happily-ever-afters.

Book author Jullie Yap-Daza.

In the book, you will meet Polly, her ex-husband’s mistress; Steve, who was returned to his wife, with the mistress’ apologies; Crystal, who risked her pampered life for a bum; and Xavier, disgraced, disbarred but happy at last.

I would recommend the book not just because of its entertainment value but also because of what mistresses, husbands and wives can learn from it. Among them, as Jullie herself learned from mistresses she has “met, known and remember” are: “Revenge is sweetest when it is lucrative” and “There’s a greater enemy than his wife!”

At the end of the day, I firmly believe that what keeps this society sturdy is the family, and when the threads within the family are strong and tightly woven, there will be more inspired and productive citizens to keep the country going.

But, as many would say, “It’s complicated.”

“There are lessons to be learned from the adventures and misadventures of human beings who believe that ‘love is blind’ and therefore lovers are to be forgiven their follies,” Jullie writes in the introduction.

Enjoy the book (“All who love danger, virtual and otherwise”) and whether you’re mistress, husband or wife  just protect yourself and the children, okay?

*    *    *

Here’s one story of the complicated trinity of wife-husband-mistress shared by a colleague. His best friend’s mother, whom I shall call Anita, dropped everything in her life one day to be a loving caregiver to Elena, an aging invalid who was a few years older than she was. For many years, Anita was utterly and totally devoted to the invalid Elena, who was difficult to care for because of her debilitating illness. Elena’s own children found it an agony to care for her. Through the years, however, patient and caregiver became friends.

The invalid Elena was the widow of Anita’s lover of many years, who fathered her (Anita’s) four children. Anita wanted to atone for her sins against Elena, even if the latter did not know of her. Or so she thought.

One day, Anita found out Elena knew all along who she was   her late husband’s mistress. Elena was never nasty to her caregiver, but she probably sometimes thought the woman deserved to empty her bedpans.

Elena had forgiven Anita, and Anita, finally, forgave herself. The women’s friendship endured till the day Elena died, in Anita’s arms.

(You may e-mail me at [email protected].)