'What a mother she was and she still is'

When Cory Aquino and her daughters visited South Africa after her presidency, another democracy icon, Nelson Mandela, took her eldest daughter Ballsy Cruz aside and told her: “You certainly know how to pick the right mom.”

“He couldn’t have said it any better, because what a mother she was and she still is, even if she’s no longer here. I can still feel she’s just there helping all the five of us,” Ballsy says of Cory. I was privileged to interview Ballsy a few days before what would have been Cory’s 78th birthday (today) in the same sunny yellow conference room where I used to interview her mother. Cory always used to seat at the head of the table, and I would seat to her right. Ballsy did not take her mother’s seat and instead sat across me. Throughout our interview, the empty chair at the head of the table was a poignant reminder of Cory.

Cory wasn’t particularly fussy about her birthdays. But she was very particular about thanking those who sent her presents. On her last birthday as President and she had to be in Singapore for an Asean Summit meeting, she told Ballsy she wanted to open all her gifts herself, instead of letting her staff do it as they normally did. When she came back from Singapore, her room smelled funny and she discovered to her amusement that one of the sealed gift boxes had a cake inside! Still, Cory enjoyed opening her presents.

“She was not the type to celebrate. Kung magkakaroon siya ng party, it’s because her former Cabinet will say, we will give you a party. And she didn’t want to bother them. Normally, her thing is to hear Mass. And then after Mass, lunch.”

Cory was only 22 when Ballsy was born to her and Ninoy, and though the late president was close to all her five children, she spent the most time with Ballsy. Ballsy was Cory’s private secretary when she was President and she continued to work with her mom even after her presidency.

“When Pinky (Abellada) nga makes kwento to others, ‘My God, the two of them are together the whole day, pag-uwi, four or five times pa silang nagtatawagan. Pinky is exaggerating, of course, but there are days na talagang ganyan kami,” recalls Ballsy with a smile.

“Mom was my best friend, she was my soulmate, my mentor. She knew everything, she could fix any problem I had,” Ballsy continues.

It was Cory who tried to calm and soothe Ballsy when the latter’s worst fears were confirmed: that Cory had cancer. She recalls the CT scan Cory went through when her blood tests did not come out normal, and how everything was clear till the scan reached the liver, and the doctors were suddenly tight-lipped.

“But then when Mom was finished with the scan, she said, ‘It’s not as bad as I thought. What did you see? Tell me.’ They were saying, ‘Tita Cory, this is your heart, your lungs, clear. This is your liver, we saw lesions here and here and here’.”

President Aquino with daughter Ballsy Cruz. Photo by VAL RODRIGUEZ

“‘So I have cancer,’ she asked. When the doctors said yes, Mom said, ‘It’s okay. Wow, I’m prepared to go. I’ve had a full life. I cannot ask for more, I’ve been so blessed. I’m happy with my children’.”

“Mom was trying to make the doctors feel better. Then she said, ‘It’s been a long day, you all have to rest. I just want to use the restroom.’ So when she went, I asked the radiologist, ‘So doctor, how bad is it?’ He was quiet. I asked the doctor, ‘Is it gonna be fast?’ Tumango sya. ‘Like a year?’ Wala syang sinabi. ‘Six months?’ Wala pa rin. ‘Doctor, I’m sorry to be kulit but when she goes out of there, I cannot ask you these things anymore’.”

When she was told it might be fast, possibly three months, Ballsy consoled herself by saying, “Maybe this is God’s answer to Mom’s prayer because she wanted to go fast. And she used to tell people, kung di lang ako naaawa sa mga anak ko, I want to go like Ninoy. Not that I can choose, gumanon pa sya. Nung sinabing baka three months, ah, baka this is the answer na lang to her prayer.”

“When I found out she had cancer, oh my God, there were so many things I wanted to tell her,” continues Ballsy. “How do I start, when do I start? Two days after I wrote her a letter, telling her this is really the saddest day and I want to tell you so many things I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know I’m just so scared that soon, you won’t be with us anymore,” Ballsy recalls. She was sobbing when she wrote that letter.

Ballsy also told Cory, “You know Mom, I’m no leader that’s why I cannot profess to be the leader of the five of us when you’re gone. But what I can promise you is that I’ll make sure the five of us stick to one another and we’ll continue to be close. I know that no one of us can take your place but if each of us will help one another, kanya kanya lang yan like I always tell my siblings, ikaw magaling ka diyan, ikaw bahala diyan, basta tulungan. I know if the five of us will do our thing, everything will be okay. I just want to tell you so many things but I’m just really so sad and I don’t even know where to begin. But then after two days, I felt that I was just being so selfish, just thinking about myself with you gone, who’s going to fix our problems?”

Ballsy said that to Pinky, Noynoy, Viel, Kris and herself, their mother was their “takbuhan.”

“Any of us. Worried about anything, tell her. Somehow she had this gift of making you feel after that, ah oo nga bakit ko ba prinoblema. Even my friends were saying when they knew my mom was sick that they were so worried about me because they knew even when we were little, that was one of my greatest fears, losing my mom. And I said, how true. How will life be without her?”

But with Cory’s help (Ballsy is sure of that), the Aquino siblings are coping without their rock. They are holding on to each other for strength and support, and their love for each other is a fortress.

“And I don’t worry as much anymore. I really felt I was the worrier. Somehow yung pagka-cool ng Mom napasa niya sa akin. I think she’s really praying for all of us,” Ballsy says. “Noynoy has become more patient, more tolerant.”

Today, the family will hear Mass, as they always have, to celebrate Cory’s birthday. And when she prays by her mother’s resting place, what will Ballsy tell her?

Her eyes radiating the serenity that she inherited from her mother, Ballsy says, “You know my message to Mom is not something just for today. There are some nights, many nights, I still talk to her and I really feel her presence. So what I want to tell her for her birthday... once again I just want to thank her for having been my mother. Maybe my message is too personal being her daughter but that’s really how it is. Because with Dad, I talk about him as a hero because I think more than being my dad, he’s more of a hero to me because I just felt he could do anything. His courage, bravery, love of country. I remember my dad more on what he was as a Filipino more than as a father. But my mom is really mom. Parang secondary na yung pagka-presidente nya, yung pagkapangulo, yung naging ina ng bayan.”

But Cory was also deeply grateful to all her children. To comfort Ballsy when the latter was devastated by her (Cory’s) illness, Cory texted Ballsy: “I’m really grateful to God for giving you to me because you just helped me so much to make me be the best that I can be.”

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