Woman of Grace

This is a story of how being nice is never really lost on those you’ve been nice to.

We all live in a jungle where there are predators in Prada and where the toughest and sometimes, most heartless, rule. More and more people have begun to believe that nice people finish last.

But the paradigms are shifting, and the people’s mindsets are changing. The Today Show recently featured the authors of the book, The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World with Kindness (published by Doubleday), which presents cold (or should I say, "warm"?) facts and statistics to show that being nice is its own reward. And not just in the business world.

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When you mention the words "Mrs. Zafra" to an Assumption girl (from high school batches ’73 to 2000), chances are she will say, "Nice and graceful."

Mrs. Lulu Zafra was our dance teacher and we loved to watch her dance, especially when she wasn’t teaching, because her feet were as light as air. By being nice, she taught her students more than just jazz – she taught them the steps to being a well-liked person.

Marisyll Pengson of Batch ’77 remembers:

"When I think of Mrs. Zafra, I think of the ago-go sixties – mini-skirts, poufed hair and hoop earrings. I think of the bugaloo, the monkey and the swim. I think of cool, jazzy and sassy. With Mrs. Zafra, everything becomes hip, even the tinikling, sayaw sa bao and mariposa. From Assumption Herran to Assumption San Lorenzo, Mrs. Zafra was a friendly face, a nurturing spirit. She always had a ready smile and encouraging words, especially for those born with two left feet... (She would say) ‘Come on ladies, a little more swing, a little more sway.’ Whenever I think of dance classes in Assumption, I think of Mrs. Zafra just as when I think sports, I think Mrs. Tena. There can be no other."

From Gina Gabaldon Hechanova, also of batch ’77: "Mrs. Zafra was the liveliest PE teacher we ever had. A face that smiles even how frustrated she is."

From Si Nyunt Goneconto, also of batch ’77 (Hmmm, ’77 seems to have been Mrs. Zafra’s favorite batch!): "Oodles of time have flown by but I remember Mrs. Zafra with great fondness. How I hated P.E. – hot, sticky and sweaty I didn’t want to be. Mrs. Zafra turned this seemingly horrendous period into fun. Taught us how to hold perfect posture and still sashay while dancing. I thank her for the reprieve from greater physical tortures and I am more graceful for having been taught by her."

From my batch (’79) came two great dancers who for a time joined Hotlegs, a professional dance group. Mrs. Zafra says she is very proud of Jojo Marquez (Ocampo, now a vice president of BPI) and Carmela Ongsiako (now an ophthalmologist at the Makati Medical Center.) From Batch ’81 came another Hotlegs dancer, Mabeth Webb, daughter of former Sen. Freddie Webb. Mrs. Zafra made special mention of them.

My batchmate Cynthia Tinsay Gonzalez remembers Mrs. Zafra as "a happy gentle teacher."

"I can’t remember ever being scolded by her and I was awkward and had two left feet. I remember her as being inspiring and always happy. And this was confirmed by my two daughters from Assumption, who she also taught just before she retired. They have nothing but kind things to say about her," says Cynthia, who now runs a very successful pre-school.

Margie Abary Duavit, of Batch ’87, has this to say: "As a politician’s wife, I have thought of Mrs. Zafra quite often throughout the years especially during the campaigns and the several political events and parties I’ve been attending and hosting. Mrs. Zafra taught me the most fundamental and one of the most important things in life that I am almost always using and am extremely glad to have learned from only her – how to dance the cha-cha (as decently as possible with my two left feet). She has given me the courage and the know-how to get up and dance with the best of them as soon as the beat starts. For this, I am extremely grateful. Thank you Mrs. Zafra!"

It says a lot that those who seem to have the fondest memories of Mrs. Zafra are those who claimed to have "two left feet." She turned what would have been an ordeal into a pleasant learning experience, which as Margie Duavit’s case has shown, served her well in life.

For my part, I usually dreaded PE because (like Marisyll, Cynthia and Margie) I had two left feet and was totally not into sports. I had a teacher who would embarrass me when I couldn’t catch up with the dance steps.

But not Mrs. Zafra. She was encouraging. I think she knew each of her students was unique, and each danced to a different beat. Some would be great dancers, others would be politicians’ wives and others – well – maybe others would end up writing a column!

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Mrs. Zafra began teaching in Assumption (in the old Herran campus) in 1973. She only retired her dancing shoes in 2000, after 28 years of teaching, when a wound in one of her toes (on her right foot) would not heal. Actually, that wound was there for more than a year but she largely ignored it.

A mother of four boys and now a grandmother of four, she found out that she was diabetic. Because only 15 percent of both her kidneys are functioning normally, Mrs. Zafra has also had to undergo dialysis sessions twice a week, which virtually wiped out her finances. Just when she thought she was at her rope’s end, one of her former students (Nanoy Reyes of batch ’78) found out about her illness and jumpstarted a major effort to help her.

The response was truly amazing – the outpouring of support probably made Mrs. Zafra dance with joy, no kidding! The effort to help Mrs. Zafra cut across batches – she created quite a reservoir of goodwill and fond memories among her students!

"I am so overwhelmed!" Mrs. Zafra, now an active member of the Handmaids of the Lord, cried when I called her up yesterday.

On Oct. 20, a Friday, Mrs. Zafra’s former students will hold an auction and a dinner at the Friendship Hall of the Urdaneta Village in Makati City to help raise funds for her continuing treatments (She spends from P4,000 to P7,000 for every dialysis treatment, not counting her other medications). Those who want to attend the dinner may just proceed directly to Urdaneta (tickets are at P500 each) or get in touch with their class reps.

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Grace and "niceness" cannot be taught, but they can be learned. Especially if you had a teacher like Mrs. Zafra.

(You may e-mail me at [email protected])