12 Things I know for sure (As inspired by Oprah)

What do you know for sure?

That is a question the phenomenal Oprah Winfrey often poses to her guests, leaving some of them stumped for an answer. That is also the title of an easy-read book (almost a pamphlet) of the various articles Oprah has written for her magazine O that dwell on the subject. (The book was lent to me by Mons Romulo-Tantoco, who likes to refer to it when she needs emotional guide posts along life’s way).

Recently, Oprah guest host Uma Thurman asked Meryl Streep the same Oprah-patented (well, virtually) question, and Meryl answered, "What I know for sure is that life is short."

After seeing that episode and reading the book Mons lent to me, the windmills of my mind began to spin, generating thoughts on the emotional guide posts that I had learned, but which life’s experiences have later validated. There are many things you learn from your parents, teachers, friends, books (including the Bible) and from prayers – but when do you really know them, "for sure?"

Only life teaches you those things, "for sure." And now, in my fourth decade, what I know for sure is that every year is a treasure trove of lessons and realizations. Seize the trove and open it like it would yield only riches. Experience is really the best teacher and the older you get, the wiser you really are. Now, most women would rather stay pretty than become wise. But every new wrinkle is a reminder that, hey, God has given me another year in His precious gift of life. Anyway, there’s always Titan, Thermage and Obagi.

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Here’s my own list of "what I know for sure." When I’m older, my list will even be better. A lot of the lines I picked up from movies, books and other sources, so I’m not claiming originality here. I just know that these lines are true, for sure. Here goes:

1. Tomorrow is always another day. Gina de Venecia once told me that after her husband lost the bitterly fought presidential race of 1998, she would sing to him the song from the musicale Annie, some lines of which go, "The sun will come up, tomorrow, bet your bottom dollar that tomorrow, there’ll be sun... Just thinking about tomorrow, wipes away the cobwebs and the sorrow, till there’s none."

2. Success is nothing without the people you love to share it with. There’s nothing lonelier than having champagne by yourself.

3. Not everybody is going to be happy with your success, but be successful anyway. Not all the advice you’re going to get as you climb up the ladder will be well-meaning, because some people don’t want to see you go up the ladder. But climb the ladder anyway and look out for pieces of advice that are banana peels in disguise.

4. Nice people don’t always finish last.

5. You know you’ve made a good decision when you can walk into any room, hold your head high and be happy with what you’ve just done. Be it a career change, a partner change or a nose-lift.

6. When having a difficult time making a decision, do some math. Make a list of the "pro’s" and "con’s" of your decision and quantify each pro and each con. Subtract the "con’s" from the "pro’s" and if you get a positive bottomline, go for it. I did that when I decided to leave a good post at Malacañang (even if I had civil service eligibility) in 1992 for my present job. I never looked back.

7. Don’t sweat the small stuff. If it won’t matter a year from now (like getting caught in traffic before an important appointment), if it won’t count at your deathbed, it’s not worth the aggravation.

8. Learn to forgive yourself. I lost a baby girl born prematurely at 22 weeks 13 years ago. For many years, I blamed myself for the miscarriage, for I felt I was all my baby had – she was in my womb, her only protection – and I had failed her. And then one day, I was watching a movie wherein a soldier (played by Denzel Washington) confesses to the parents of his best friend that it was him who had accidentally shot their son during combat. It was an accident, but he had tried to cover it up because of the horror of it all. And then his best friend’s parents told him, "You’ve done a terrible thing, but you cannot carry that burden forever. We forgive you, but you have to forgive yourself first."

I decided then and there that it was not a matter of whether it was my fault or not that I miscarried my baby, but that I should forgive myself for what I perceived was a failing. Since then, I have stopped having those "early morning awakenings" when I would be bothered by guilt and regret. I have forgiven myself and moved on.

9. It is important that as you make a living, you continue to have a life.

10. Love what you’re doing, and you don’t have to work a day in your life (to paraphrase Confucius). In my sophomore year at the University of the Philippines, I decided to shift to Journalism from Business Administration (a more "viable" course in those days, when there were only three newspapers and four TV channels). I didn’t love Accounting at all, was barely passing, a big blow to the ego of one who was an honor student in high school. So I shifted to my real love, Journalism, and again, never looked back.

11. If you have kids, enjoy them while they’re still kids. Let them cling to you. Let them dominate your time. There will be a whole lot of time later to have a "break" from them, for they will be the ones wanting to have a "break" from you!

12. Life is beautiful. That’s the first thought that comes to my mind when I wake up in the morning to the chirping of the birds on my window sill. For all the valleys we must traverse to get to our peaks, life is still one helluva journey!

Merry Christmas!

(You may e-mail me at [email protected])