Hope comes wrapped in a silver lining

Cancer, they say, spares no one. Even if you are fortunate enough to be spared from it, chances are you have a colleague, a friend, a relative or a neighbor who has it. Ann Montemar-Oriondo, my assistant in putting out this section, is putting up a valiant fight against cancer. We, her colleagues, are witness to her courage and her will to live. But we also are witness to her pain.

Thus, more and more people are reaching out to cancer patients and survivors and embracing their cause.

At the beautiful home of Julie Manning, wife of HSBC CEO Warner Manning, cancer survivors belonging to the "I Can Serve" Foundation founded by Kara Magsanoc-Alikpala and their support group gathered for lunch to celebrate life and help others celebrate it, too. Each table setting had a pink ribbon – a symbol of the foundation – as napkin holder.

Julie lost a dear friend to breast cancer after the latter’s 13-year battle with the disease. Thus, she is no stranger to the pain caused by cancer.

"In the past, no one wanted to ‘touch‘ cancer. Donors would give to other causes – to street children, to the homeless – but not to cancer patients. But after having been through it, I would say that cancer is much more than death. It’s living life to the fullest. All of those who have had cancer now have a sense of urgency about living their lives," said Kara, who now has a child of her own.

In fact two breast cancer survivors who were in the lunch were heavy with child – Crisann Celdran and Dayday David. Having completed their treatments and after waiting out the "grace period" that followed their chemotherapy, Crisann and Dayday eagerly embarked on the road to parenthood. They are proof that cancer can be vanquished.

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Among those present in the lunch was Bibeth Orteza, who found out she had cancer late last year. Her advocacy is to help other cancer patients. "I go to my chemo treatments in a car, and go home in a car. There are people in my house who will prepare my food. But other patients go home in a tricycle. They have to go to market the next day. Some still have to endure the beatings of their drunken husbands."

Kara says the Philippines has the highest incidence of breast cancer in Southeast Asia ("Is it the bagoong?" I wondered. "No," countered Ruby Roa, sister of Rio Diaz-Cojuangco, who succumbed to cancer last year. "I think it’s the pollution from the jeepneys.").

Kara says very few women who undergo cancer treatment actually finish the cycle – for lack of support, financially and otherwise.

A solid presence during the lunch was Charlie Cojuangco, Rio’s husband. "Being here brings back memories of Rio and our struggle. But let me tell you that her sickness gave us a sense of what life is all about. It makes you think, why did my Creator create me?"

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On Sept. 10 at the Westin Philippine Plaza, the foundation will hold "Silver Linings," a whole-day symposium for cancer survivors. Several tents will be set up by the gardens overlooking the bay, and each tent will be a hub for certain topics, like lifestyles after cancer, grief therapy, new drugs, etc. There will be an entrance fee of P100.

From my mailbox comes a letter from Lala Rosales, the daughter of Batangas judge, Voltaire Rosales, a courageous and incorruptible judge who was slain in cold blood last year.

I’d like to share with you portions of Lala’s poignant tribute to her father during his first death anniversary.

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Moving on by Lala Rosales

"Shock and an overwhelming calm came over me exactly a year ago. A numb panic took over – while my mind kept screaming, my body froze.

"Murder is something you hear about in the news and an assassination usually a plot on Alias. But shows like Alias end relatively happy – the hero swoops in just in time to save the day, delivering the target to the loving arms of a waiting family. "Apparently, there are no Sydney Bristow’s in real life and happy endings are few and far between.

"Every passing moment after my father’s murder slowly ticked by; bringing the day-time soaps to life – quiet denial, ear-piercing anger and soul-tearing sadness.

"As painful as it all was, I couldn’t let go. Most days I was calm, though still sad, but at night, images haunted me and the lull in my soul kept me up. My mom stayed strong though I felt her heart breaking over and over again. My brother changed for the better even when the murder gave him the temporary "get-out-of-jail-free" card.

"And as I mourned, I learned more. I always knew that my father was a dedicated judge and a smart man. He and I would often be awake until five in the morning accomplishing our works in adjacent rooms.

"But those familiar with the way my dad was at home know that of all the daddy-qualities that he possessed, the most important was that he was ALWAYS present. He wasn’t there just to make me smile with presents, make Vic laugh with stories, or comfort mom with kisses. He was also there to put me in-line when I misbehaved, calm Vic down when he was rowdy, and hold my mom’s hand when she felt weak.

"In times of extreme stress he knew exactly what to do – how to make me smile (even if I didn’t want to) and how to help me (just enough so that I could grow strong). And with him gone, Vic cracked the jokes and my mom became the stoic pillar. We all took on roles to try and make up for our loss but none of us still really accepted it.

"We moved forward but didn’t move on. We buried his body but clung to his spirit. We each dealt with what we could – facing what we should for brief moments when we were sure to stand strong. And about a month ago when I was asked if I was ready to let go, I was resolute when I said "no." But now, I’m beginning to let my daddy go, I’m accepting God’s plans – not just for him but for me as well.

"My father was driven by his fear of God and gratitude for His love. He always felt that anything he did on this planet was to prepare him and maybe someday make him worthy of our Lord. This is why he felt it so important that he left behind a family that knew how to turn to God.

"And now, a year from his violent assassination, I turn to God and I lift it all to Him. Because I’ve tried, we’ve all tried to comprehend the evils of this world. We’ve tried to fight for justice and tried to keep him with us. But all was futile for we tried too hard at the wrong things. Justice will be served in His kingdom – I must no longer fear that it will not. And sorrow, grief and anger cannot take hold of our lives – for a while there we almost let it."

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