Paul recalls his conversion, his vision of Christ on the road to Damascus. But he also recalls his unworthiness. "I am the least of the apostles. I do not even deserve the name." The guilt of having persecuted the Church of God is still with him. But he has been touched by God’s favor, and so he is able to boast that he works harder than all the others.
Peter, like Isaiah and Paul, is awe-struck in the presence of the divine. At the sight of the large catch of fishes, he falls to his knees saying, "Leave me, Lord. I am a sinful man." But the assurance of Christ, "Do not be afraid" is sufficient to encourage him and he is able to leave everything and follow Christ.
Most of us can readily identify with the first feelings of Isaiah, Paul and Peter. However, there was much in our early Catholic upbringing, with the heavy emphasis on sin, which contributed to our feelings of inadequacy. Much of this was conveyed to us under the banner of humility. We were the children of God. We were to be childlike in our obedience to Mother Church. God would provide. The "good child" was the quiet and docile one. Silence and docility were virtues to be rewarded. And this carried through from childhood to adulthood. The "good Catholic" was the quiet one who went to Mass every Sunday (and was quiet like there!), the docile one who did what he was told and didn’t complain.
But then Vatican II and a call went out, not for children, but for a people, a people of God. We were told that we were not to be silent but active participants. We were reminded that each of us had received the divine call, not as dramatically, perhaps, as Isaiah and the burning coal, or Paul and the blinding vision, but a call to action just as clear. And our initial response was much like Isaiah, Paul and Peter. "Not me, Lord. I’m not good enough. Not smart enough. Not holy enough." Isaiah, Paul and Peter were initially reluctant in responding to the divine call, but they also had true humility. They did not put themselves down. They did not deny their talents and abilities. They took an honest look at themselves, seeing themselves for what they were, good and bad.
Humility is truth. It is Peter saying, "We’ve worked through the night, but if you say so, I’ll lower the nets once more." It is Peter knowing himself and saying, "I can do okay with fish, but I’m not cut out to be a fisher of men." And it is Peter believing that the Lord can transform his life, and leaving boats and nets and everything to follow Him. Humility is recognizing the talents and abilities that are mine as well as my limitations, and acknowledging that with God’s help, we can do all things. With Paul we can say, "By God’s favor I am what I am." The question we must each ask ourselves is whether or not we can also say "This favor of his to me has not proved fruitless."
5th Sunday in OT, Luke 5:1-11