To fight for the right without question or doubt - A POINT OF AWARENESS By Preciosa S. Soliven

At around the same time that Fr. Corsie Legaspi was speaker at the Value Formation Seminar of the O.B. Montessori Professional high school students last January 15, the Philippine political scene was taking center stage with another milestone in Philippine history unfolding. The Filipino people were walking the streets reinforcing the impeachment proceedings against Joseph Ejercito Estrada. It was this street protest, People Power II, and the defection of the Armed Forces that convinced our 13th Philippine president to leave Malacañang last January 19.

Street protests can also be disastrous

Our young high school students, idealistic as they are, must also be able to realistically view the other side of the street protests. When protesters march into the streets, it becomes a venue for the radical left to infiltrate, and use the crowd for their own devious objectives. Then these protests become disastrous, causing disruption of classes and offices, and losses in business leading to economic crisis. Unfortunately, we, the Filipino people, are the ones who suffer most. Thus, Fr. Corsie cautions and reminds the students:

"Mga bata, mag-iingat kayo sa street protests specially when you are fighting for justice for the sake of our country. Before you shout for justice outside your homes, make sure justice prevails in your home. I know of a priest who has always fought for justice in the streets. Kaya nga lang pagdating sa kumbento niya, hindi siya nagpapa-sweldo ng wasto sa kanyang mga tauhan. Hindi rin nagbabayad ng SSS. At hindi nagpapakain ng wasto. Saan ang katarungan na sinisigaw niya sa kalye? "(In his own convent, he doesn’t pay his staff properly. Neither do they have SSS. They don’t eat right. Where then, is the justice he is clamoring for?)

The principle of playing fair: right

vs. privilege, and need vs. want

It is the obligation of parents to provide their children with food, clothing, and shelter. In contrast to teenagers in the west who are usually doing part time jobs to earn their allowance, Filipino high school students generally expect to be given allowances by their parents – even when they have to date someone.

"Kung kayo ay ayaw pakainin ng mga magulang, isumbong mo sa inyong barangay captain. Pero kapag ayaw kayong bigyan ng magulang ninyo ng perang pang shopping, ito ay kanilang desisyon" (If you are not being fed by your parents, you can tell that to the barangay captain.). However, if they don’t want to give you money for shopping, you have to respect their decision to draw the limits of your privilege.

If your parents let you use the family car, this privilege comes with corresponding rules for its proper use. Otherwise, they can take away this concession. Similarly, there are many things we want which we may not necessarily need. Fr. Corsie describes a young boy who insists on having an ice cream cone right after he stuffed himself for lunch, "Dapat ang sagot ng magulang ay, ‘Anak, kapricho mo lang yan. Hindi mo na kailangan iyan kasi busong ka pa’." (This boy must be told, "Your want for ice cream is mere caprice. You don’t really need it.")

Its not just money or properties that are stolen – even loved ones

Stealing is when you take something that is not yours. This may be big or small. It’s not money or property that are taken illicitly – even loved ones. Don’t try to grab somebody else’s loved one. Get your own. There are many other fishes in the sea. According to Fr. Corsie, some girls tend to do this, specially when they particularly like someone who already has a girlfriend. She may even go out of her way to lure him.

"My godson, Peter, had a girlfriend. Both made a wonderful pair. After finishing college they made marriage plans. But an aggressive young woman came along. She had an eye for Peter. She even boasted to her friends that she could seduce Peter. Unfortunately, she succeeded with her plans, but, not without getting herself pregnant. Her parents insisted on marriage."

"Although Peter did not love her, they had a church wedding. As expected, he became unhappy and soon he was living the life of a bachelor. He would seldom go home. It didn’t take long for this marriage to collapse. Today they live separately."

There are more unhappy marriages than happy marriages

Divorce statistics in the United States for the last 20 years remain constant. In California alone, three out of five marriages end up in divorce. Very few married couples stay and remain happy. Not all couples are lucky in love and in marriage. Actually, many of them should never have gotten married. "Yung mga naunang mag-asawa nagsisisi. Itong mga wala pang asawa nagmamadali mapasama sa statistics." Those who got married were the first to regret. Meantime, those still unattached seem to be in a hurry to find a partner. They are likely to be included in the statistics of broken marriages.

Although Ireland and France are predominantly Catholic, they recognize divorce. The Philippines and Malta are the only countries in the world that do not honor the validity of divorce. "Matindi sa Pilipinas. Here, it’s difficult when you are stuck in a very unhappy relationship. Where do you go from there?"

Obviously, there are more unhappy marriages than happy marriages. It is not just the husband and the wife who are affected, but more so, the children. Unfortunately, they too, have to suffer from the unhappiness of both their father and mother. Thus, without the parents really conscious of it – they may destroy their children’s personal identity and character. These unhappy parents tend to be over-protective of their children, or restrictive and rigid. To make up for their guilt, they would indulge and spoil their children with gifts.

How parents unconsciously destroy a child’s character

Strict and rigid parents always say, "I only want the best for my children!" However, when rules implemented by parents are abusive and disrespectful, they can destroy the child’s character. They don’t realize that their rules actually defeat their purpose, for they are negative. Frequent reminders to children are, "Don’t go out of the house. Just play at home. You might acquire the bad habits of the other children, or you may get into an accident." In adolescence they are warned not to socialize with the opposite sex, insisting that they too young. This preconditions the young lady that boy-girl relationship will not be readily accepted by the parents.

"Parents usually admonish their children, "Follow first before you complain. Huwag na kayong mangangatwiran. Basta sumunod kayo. It is common for parents to dictate to their children without letting them express themselves. This was how they were raised by their traditional parents. Since tradition comes in cycles, you, their children, will be raised similarly."

Fr. Corsie further explained that this frequent shame and guilt imposed by parents are the most corrosive of all negative experiences. "Shame makes one feel – something is wrong with me. I have damaged the family honor. I am no good. Guilt makes one feel – I have done something wrong. I have to suffer the consequences."

How does one suffer from personal crisis?

Very recently, Time magazine and CNN revealed a youth crisis in Japan. There is an alarming rise in teenage prostitution due to materialism and consumerism of its society. Japanese teenage girls would have sexual liaisons with older men for the money. They then use this to buy "name-brands" clothes and accessories to keep up with their peers. The child’s personality splits into two.

"When identity crisis hits the whole society it is called the crisis of adult-children. "Ibig sabihin nito na ang takbo ng kanyang isipan ay parehong bata at matanda because the child has to survive in the world of the adults." The common example is teenage pregnancy. A pregnant 14-year old girl makes her a "child-mother", deprived of the joys of a normal teenage life with all its promises of a future. If she were more careful, ten years hence she would have become a happier mother at the age of 24.

Child rearing practices affect personality formation

You are what you are because of the kind of upbringing you had at home. The lifestyles of the sophisticated business entrepreneurs, the simple farmers, the educator parents, lawyers and doctors influence strongly their child rearing practices are. Their various perspectives in life influence the child’s personality formation.

"Do you notice the impact on your personality by the way you were reared by your parents? Each family is a dynamic social system with its structure, rules and regulations. All these produce the kind of person that you are now and how you will react to situations in the future. If your father is with the military service, you will be reared in rigidity and discipline. You will grow up not demonstrative of your emotions. Napakahirap I-separate ang isang amang military, na pagwala na siya sa opisina ang tingin niya doon sa asawa niya at mga anak ay parang military din. Pag ang parents niyo ay military, pati sa bahay ay gagawin niyang sundalo kayo. Lalo na kung ang tatay niyo ay nag-aral sa PMA. (Fathers in the military service tend to treat members of his family like soldiers. He finds it difficult to disassociate military life even within the family.)

In the Philippines, it is considered disrespectful for children to reason out with their elders. They are not to negotiate at all. In contrast, the American society accepts the right of children to reason out, argue, or even object to adults. They are taught not to take anything lying down. You have your own rights. Fight for your rights. Tell them what you feel and tell them what is in your mind.

"Filipinos are stifled when it comes to demonstration of emotions. That’s why when our old traditional-minded parents are asked to live with their married children in America, they are shocked by the way their grandchildren reason out. Cross-cultural psychology then becomes a problem when their older parents insist on imposing their "old-fashioned ways. Just remember, your parents were brought up by their grandparents of the ’30s."

Values of yesterday for the children of today

Like most of the activities we have, this seminar concluded with an open forum. The high school students comfortably threw in questions on how they can effectively deal with the different crises related to: courtship, love, parents, family, and even controversial present day issues like homosexuality, pre-marital affairs and extra-marital affairs. Father Corsie properly addressed these crises in life as seen and felt by teenagers.

Teenagers of the 21st century are more informed and sophisticated. Parents are anxious of this cyber generation. Yes, the 1930s’ way of rearing up children may not quite apply anymore to the present. However, there shouldn’t be anything wrong with trying to inculcate some of our "old-fashioned values" to the children.

Indeed, Father Corsie has put a new perspective in the lives of these students. As they journey on through their lives, they will soon find out that their purpose is not simply to enjoy life. What is important is they be able to make a difference in other people’s lives. Only then will they find meaning in their own lives.

Fr. Corsie then concludes, "Pag ako namatay, yari na ang mga plano, pati sa aking epitaph, ’yung lapida doon sa nitso ilalagay ko ito, FATHER CORSIE, HE MADE A DIFFERENCE IN THE LIVES OF MANY… Ganoon lang, walang apilyido because that is the truth of my life. I made a difference in the lives of many. I wish the same thing can be said of you when you die."

(Next week: Fr. Corsie’s open forum with teenagers, last of a series on Fr. Corsie gives the facts of life to teenagers)