‘Love is something you do’
Those who have heard the Sunday homilies of Fr. Dave Concepcion, chaplain of Sto. Nino de Paz-Greenbelt Chapel, either in person or online, always have a substantial takeaway. His words are food for thought. His thoughts are simple yet liberating. The priest always has the capacity to touch the heart, even softens it. His words fortify the delicate soul. His is a steady, solemn voice that strengthens the weakening spirit. His words are fodder for the faithful’s own reflection.
A few Sundays ago, he said in the pulpit: “Love is something we do.”
I agree, love is action. Love requires movement because it is a conscious effort to display emotion and affection through action. It is not merely a feeling — though feelings are part and parcel of the experience of love — because the pillars of love are the deliberate actions of the human being.
Love is intentional work. More than words, it is an action that defines commitment.
“We can love people in many ways. You can love people by serving them — by taking care of their needs. You can love by helping them,” Fr. Dave said.
Methinks intimacy and trust are developed because there is an intention from the parties involved to harness them. Love comes in many languages — service is one. Quality time and physical touch forge a bond between lovers, between friends, between a couple. Trust is also a love language. To trust someone is to let him/her take custody of your strength and vulnerability. When it is broken, everything collapses — including intimacy. Repair is a process; it takes time. And like love, you can’t hurry healing. (But don’t take my word for it for I am not God, the one and only Supreme Being capable of mending things in a jiffy.)
“Second, you can love people by sacrificing for them — by giving them what is important to you. Perhaps, even dying for them,” Fr. Dave said.
There’s no love if there’s no sacrifice. Think of a mother’s sacrifice for her child — from conception to rearing. Think of a father-and-son tandem where the former helps shape the virtues of the latter, lessons from boyhood to manhood. Think of two friends who made it through life because they supported each other through thick and thin. Sacrifice is an action word. It is love.
“The third way is: you can love people by forgiving them.”
Fr. Dave said of the three ways to love, humanity has always had a hard time complying with the last one — forgiving the person who hurt you. But it should be done.
“Ang pinakamahirap sa magmahal o pagmamahal ay ‘yung patawarin mo ‘yung nakasakit sa ’yong kalooban. Sapagkat puwede kang magmahal, puwede kang maglingkod ng walang puso. A husband can give you all his money without his heart. A wife can give you her body without her heart. People can give to somebody else maybe everything they have — except their hearts. Ang pinakamahirap ay magpatawad,” explained Fr. Dave.
He added: “Alam ninyo, hangga’t hindi pa kayo nasasaktan, hindi ninyo pa ‘yan maiintindihan (kung gaano kahirap magpatawad). Only those who have been hurt are capable of understanding the pain of being hurt.
***
Fr. Dave shared this anecdote between a parent and a child to demonstrate that love is both sacrifice and commitment, to underscore that love is an action, that love is something we do.
“Anak, pagkatapos mong kumain, basagin mo na ang pinggan para wala ka nang huhugasan. Pero pagdating ng araw, wala ka ng pinggan — kaya hindi ka na rin kakain.”
“Kung nagmamahal ka, hugasan mo ang iyong pinagkainan.
“Kung nagmamahal ka, lagyan mo ng tubig ang pitsel bago mo ibalik sa ref.
“Kung nagmamahal ka, huwag kang magreklamong wala nang mainit na tubig — salinan mo ang termos para ang susunod ay may makuhang mainit na tubig.
“Huwag kang magreklamong madumi ang bahay — tumulong ka sa paglilinis. At sabi ko nga, simulan mong magbayad ng kuryente.
“Then you’ll understand — ang hirap pala. ‘Pag ikaw ang nagsasalok ng tubig at ikaw ang nag-iigib, ayaw mong sayangin kahit isang patak.
“What I’m trying to say is: we fail to understand — and that is the reason we fail to live a life worthy of love. You cannot say you love, if you have done nothing,” he said.
“Love is simply doing good things for others — by putting your heart into it. Love is to order ourselves for the good of others, as Saint Ignatius of Loyola once said.
“It’s good to examine ourselves, as we often say. Because at the end of our lives, everything will be measured in love. And the standard is the love of the Sacred Heart. It is not something we just celebrate — it is something we are called to emulate in our lives.
Fr. Dave said love that is returned is an easy kind of love. What if it is not requited?
“Kasi madali lang talaga magmahal kapag nasusuklian ng pagmamahal. As human nature dictates, we love those who reciprocate our love. Alam natin ‘yon. Kaya nga, kapag hindi ka na binibigyan, hindi ka na rin nagbibigay. Kapag hindi ka na pinapansin, hindi ka na rin namamansin. Kapag hindi ka na minahal, hindi ka na rin nagmamahal. Ang tawag natin doon: user-friendly.”
***
Love is an action word because it requires effort. Clearly I understood that from the homily of Fr. Dave. It’s not a passive stance but an active process of choosing to love — that means there’s conscious effort to serve, to commit, to sacrifice.
Love is always a choice. Making amends, forgiving, choosing patience and more prove that love can be maintained.
“These ways of loving remind us that love is something we do, not something we receive. You cannot say ‘I love’ by doing nothing. You can only say ‘I love this person, that person,’ based on what you have done for that person. So if you have done nothing, you have not loved at all,” Fr. Dave concluded.
For your new beginnings, e-mail me at [email protected]. I’m also on Twitter @bum_tenorio and Instagram @bumtenorio. Have a blessed weekend.
- Latest
