‘To grieve is to love’

Love has something to do with grief. Memories of love lessen the pain of losing someone. Love is a balm to those who are left behind.

“To grieve is to love,” said US-based Filipino psychiatrist Dr. Geraldine Mayor.

“People grieve because people love. The deeper the grief, the deeper your love must be for that person. Thinking about grief as love lessens a small amount of discomfort associated with grief,” added Dr. Mayor.

And those left behind by Antolin Tiglao Naguiat, 79 — a revered family man, a businessman, a car enthusiast, a military reservist, a lover of life from Angeles, Pampanga — know exactly that grief is love.

His name is of Etruscan origin that means “highly praiseworthy.” In life and in death, he lived up to his name: Antolin.

His life was celebrated by his family recently via words that he already heard when he was alive — because his family did not scrimp on showering each other with love. His eldest son Anton Naguiat, son-in-law Paolo Delgado and grandson Nico Alonte Naguiat remembered his life and works in their eulogies.

Grief is the price

“Grief is the price we pay for losing someone we love,” said Anton. “We would have wanted more time with Dad even if it was just enough to say one more ‘I love you’ but if that meant more physical pain for him, like being intubated or unconscious with a respirator, letting him go in the way he did is a testament of God’s great love for him. Our grief is actually a great blessing for Dad because he was spared from physical pain.”

Anton, amidst his grief, managed to smile when he added: “Dad was a complex and strong character. He marched to the beat of his own drum and there was no stopping him in doing whatever he wanted to do. Dad was always direct to the point, transparent with his words and actions and always had good intentions at heart… He was great at talking but sometimes, not so good at listening.”

Anton said, “When it comes to ‘giving’ and ‘sharing’ — he was bar none… Dad was always generous, always happy to share whatever he had with no hesitations. He was always so happy and excited to share his prized fruit harvests from his farm when they were in season.”

Death, like life, is a season. Anton said, “I am overwhelmed by the thought that just like that, he is now gone forever. I rarely use the word ‘forever’ — I find it to be a silly word. With the passing of my dad, ‘forever’ has become a word that totally knocked me out in a single blow.

“I will now forever not see Dad, forever not talk to him, forever not be kissed and be hugged by him, forever not hear him say he loves us. However, I am not letting ‘forever’ have the last word because we know with absolute certainty that Dad forever loves us, that we will forever love him, that he will always be forever in our hearts, that we are forever blessed and proud to be his family… That I will be forever proud that I am the eldest son of Antolin and most importantly, that he is forever in eternal peace with God,” said Anton.

Dad was a good family man

Paolo and his father-in-law Antolin built a solid connection that started with their penchant for cars and progressed to their meaningful conversations as military reservists. Antolin was a lieutenant colonel in the Air Force Reserve.

Paolo recalled, “In later years, when I became more active in the military, (my relationship with Dad) deepened. In his youth, he spent years traveling the country, supporting the soldiers and wearing his green flight suit.

“He was a good mentor, guiding me on military procedure and protocol. I remember how proud he was at the thought of having both Len and me active in the Air Force as reservists.

“Dad was grateful for the sacrifice of our men in uniform, and would support them wholeheartedly.”

As grandfather to Nico, Bel, Andres and Emilia he was a doting grandfather, according to Paolo.

“You would always hear him laughing heartily when he spent time with his apos. He was always concerned about their activities: from swimming competitions, to band tryouts, riding motorbikes, or shooting guns. His grandchildren meant the world to him.”

Paolo also said his father-in-law also had plenty of strong opinions. “He was always ready to share them, usually at inopportune times. But he never held judgment; his philosophy was that you could do what you wanted with your life. Live and let live.

“He was quick to temper and pikon. But he gave as good as he received, choosing his words well and really ‘twisting’ his joke into you. Always with joy and a big smile! Not a good person to verbally spar with as he would often get the better of you.”

He added, “Dad was a good family man. I will miss my father-in-law, my co-mechanic, my enabler and friend.”

Lucky to have had Dadad for 19 years

Antolin was “Dadad” to his grandson Nico, eldest son of businessman Steve Naguiat and his wife, Binan City Rep. Len Alonte Naguiat.

Nico, who was in the middle of his college schooling at Fordham University in New York when his grandfather passed away, sent his eulogy that was read at the wake of his Dadad. He gave his lolo the praise the latter deserved — for his doting, for his constant love, for his being practical.

“Knowing Dadad, he would’ve gotten mad at me if I had come to his wake when I should have been busy with my studies in New York,” Nico said in his letter.

He added: “I honestly find myself very lucky to have had 19 years of life with my Dadad. He was the best lolo anyone could ask for. He always had funny stories to tell and was always ready with his crazy comments, whether it was a compliment or another complaint about something small. Believe me, he had his fair share of complaints.

“But what I would always cherish and remember him for was his love for his family… I can’t even count the times in my childhood that I would go to his place in Pampanga wearing just the clothes on my back. No parents in tow, no diapers, no supplies at hand — just me, Dadad and Lala (grandmother Lourdes).”

Nico ended, “If I were able to talk to Dadad again, I would just say: “Dadad, I love you and I always will. I know that you’re proud of me and I can’t wait to see you again. So, take it easy. No need to get inis anymore. Just kalma lang. I love you.” *