Don’t mistake romance for love and think that marriage means a lifetime of romance. Once the novelty wears off, the only thing that’s going to make it work is if you and your partner are best friends.’
MANILA, Philippines - Many on the cusp of adulthood — or Millennials, as we have been baptized — have chosen to forego the typical route of adult life. Instead of picking and sticking to a career while building a young family, many have gone rogue, straying away from their parents’ paths and picking at life’s grand buffet. Pushing marriage and family life further down the bottom of their priorities, many often wake up in a panic near the 30-year-old mark because where has the time gone?
Still, there are those who have chosen to have their cake and eat it, too. Although there are decreasing numbers of young families today, some have decided to face the alleged romance-sucking monster: marriage.
One of those couples is Isabel, 25, and Nicky, 27. Still nestled in the sweet spot of the honeymoon stage, they have been married for just four months, but have been dating for three years and engaged for a year.
Another young couple has been married for five years, under not so uncommon circumstances. Hewlett, 27, and Twiggy, 24 (obviously not their real names) tied the knot when they were 22 and 19, respectively, after only dating for a couple of months.
YOUNG STAR: What made you decide to get married?
ISABEL: We had been talking about it for a while already, but we were worried about stability and the other things that go into that “checklist†before marriage. Eventually I realized that was silly, because the circumstances will never be perfect.
NICKY: I always had this idea in my head that I had to have this much money before getting married but then I realized that those things don’t really matter. If you’re sure of committing to someone for the rest of your life and you feel like life isn’t worth living without her, then you just go for it. When I realized that, I just went for it.
What has been the hardest part of married life so far?
I: Maybe the hardest part is our families. We used to be able to spend time with our families whenever we wanted. Also, we love to surf. So every weekend it’s like having to pick: my side, his side, or surf? There’s always going to be some kind of guilt, like we’re letting someone or ourselves down.
N: The hardest part of married life is the tendency to conform to what other married couples expect like having kids right away or making big investments. It’s hard not to care about what other people think especially if they mean well but I think it’s so important to know your own pace and not to make decisions out of “social norms.â€
What is your favorite thing about it?
I: I really love waking up next to my husband. Reaching over and being able to feel him there makes waking up so much better. Living in our own place is also really cool, and I love our place.
N: My favorite thing about marriage is how it still feels like a big adventure. From spontaneous surf trips to just eating in our favorite restaurants to just sleeping in on weekends; creating and sharing memories is just the most amazing thing.
What should young people know before getting married?
N: I think young people need to know themselves first and really be honest about what they want in life. And from there, they need be honest with their significant others and be able to talk about what kind of life they want to live.
I: Marriage is not an end. It doesn’t mean you stop changing as a person, or that you need to start making babies and stop doing the things you enjoy doing. You don’t stop being you. Also, marriage is awesome. Good luck.
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YOUNG STAR: What made you decide to get married?
TWIGGY: Nabuntis ako! Though no one has to get married just because they’re having a baby. But traditional Filipino family pressure really took a toll, along with the idea that I’d be Canadian, too, if we got married. I was so young and confused but it all turned out good in the end. By the way, I’m still a Filipino citizen.
HEWLETT: We didn’t know each other well at all. Nine months is a long time, though, and I thought about the kind of environment I wanted my daughter to be raised in. My dad left my mom when I was seven and it set off a series of lose-lose choices that my mom had to make and my family had to endure. His decision narrowed my playing field and it will probably affect me for the rest of my life. I didn’t want to copy his mistakes.
How has marriage changed your life?
T: It changed everything about it. At this point, I think it’s been really great. We’re basically growing up together, learning together. I think that’s the most valuable thing.
H: Before marriage, I didn’t have any idea of what I wanted to do or be. Marriage gave me a set of clearly defined goals so it simplified my life a lot.
What has been the hardest part of married life so far?
T: We come from different backgrounds so it’s hard to adjust to his perspective. The most important thing is to be on the same page and if not, at least agree to disagree. I’m not going to compromise what I believe in just because I don’t want to fight — so we fight a lot. Instead, I try to accept his views and be considerate of them.
H: The hardest part of marriage has nothing to do with the relationship. Not having enough money to make rent or buy groceries, work stress, getting no sleep because of a newborn kid — if they’re not handled properly, the real-life things will sour the relationship.
What is your favorite thing about it?
T: My favorite thing about being married is having a family of our own and when sometimes Hewlett and I will jump and scream, “I can’t believe we’re married!â€
H: The best thing about marriage so far has been accomplishing things together that I might not have been able to do on my own. When Twiggy and I are pulling in the same direction, nothing can stop us.
What should young people know before getting married?
T: Young person, you should know yourself, what you love to do and what you want in life. You have to let your partner be his/her own person, too. There are a lot of responsibilities, but at the same time, I don’t believe that you should let go of being young, discovering the world or doing what you love. But let’s be realistic ha — magpayaman muna kayo!
H: Don’t mistake romance for love and think that marriage means a lifetime of romance. Once the novelty wears off, the only thing that’s going to make it work is if you and your partner are best friends.