What I’ve learned (from music)

Here are some thoughts and memories — and possibly even wisdom (such as it is) — from a lifetime of obsessive listening:

Like any secret language, music is a shortcut to friendship. I have waxed ecstatic about The Sundays and Aimee Mann with utter strangers in an HMV, and once gave one of my year-end music mixes to someone I had just met in a bar — who later became one of my best friends. It also deepens already existent friendships: I loved two of my friends a little more after I had long conversations with them about the exquisite neon-lit melancholy of The Blue Nile.

They say that the golden age of science fiction is “between 12 and 14.” This is true to an extent of music as well: like everything else happening to you around that time, your experience of it seems newer and more intense and leaves deeper imprints on your soul. This doesn’t mean you won’t discover your New All-Time Favorite Act tomorrow, though. Sometimes the idea of that New Favorite Act is what keeps us going.

Befriending — and of course, dating — musicians can be tricky. Make sure to only get involved with those whose music you really like. Otherwise, awkwardness, recriminations, regret, and possibly bodily harm are in your future. (This applies tenfold to writers and their writing, btw.)

Hip-hop got me through the worst breakup of my life. It’s hard to feel too sorry for yourself when you’re blasting Jay-Z’s “‘The Blueprint.”

Never pretend to be familiar with an artist you don’t know, especially not to impress an attractive member of the opposite sex. This can end in any number of ways, but it never ends well. Repeat after me: “No, I’m not familiar with their stuff. What do you like about them?”

Do not be ashamed of the music you really love. I learned that by example. One of my fellow staffers on a music magazine was unapologetic about his love for Boyz II Men, Kyla, Slayer, and Pantera, and vocal about his dislike for The Beatles. I did not necessarily agree with him, you understand; I just found his attitude refreshing and worth emulating.

I grew up in a time when you could not magically pull music from the air and onto a wearable electronic device and enjoy it as much as you wanted. (I remember, when I had my first regular job, wondering how I would ever manage buy a car or a place to live when I was blowing my salary on CDs.) Circumstances and opportunities change; what you love does not.

The only upside to Metro Manila traffic is that it allows you to road-test your music mixes, and reacquaint yourself with, say, the less celebrated corners of the David Bowie catalog, or the new Beyoncé.

There is nothing like live music. Having said that, you should realize when you are being ripped off by a greedy concert promoter. You should also be aware that awesome acts play every week at venues all over the city with near-negligible cover charges. And that just listening to music in a parked car in the rain with the right person can be magical too.

Most people don’t listen to new things past a certain point. You don’t have to be one of those people — but it does take effort. However, the search is one thing; the effort to convince yourself you like something when you really don’t, deep down, is something else, and to be avoided. Life has too many compromises and half-truths already.

You will get sick of the music you love. Then you will come back to it after a while and it will sound like the best thing ever, again.