Once upon a time, there was this TV commercial of a forlorn nine-year-old boy eating alone, pretending to smoke using the lumpia as a “cigarette stick.” The caption right under it said: “Studies show that the less often we eat with our children, the more likely they are to smoke, drink and use drugs when they grow up.” No source of the study cited. Towards the end of the commercial, the celebrity endorser invited the parents to be home early on a particular day so they can eat together with their families. I felt the ad discriminated against the OFWs, the working parents and others who can’t make it early during dinner time.
Family meals are a wonderful opportunity for children and parents to bond. It’s the perfect time and place to reconnect and show our kids that they are our priority. Sitting across the table is where and when I find out more about my children’s likes, dislikes and daily life. Our discussions often led to “Is this the right choice, Mom?” or “What do you think, dad?” Not that we had all the answers, but it provided the children the opportunity to make choices with our guidance. The family meal felt like a comfortable place to even chat idly on the latest gossip, and laugh and be merry as we picked on the food.
Each family’s situation varies. If only mom and dad went home early from work in time for dinner. If only papa or mama did not have to work abroad. If only mommy was not a solo parent. A friend told me that her parents “worked long hours, and even had to travel often. On one hand I understood why they weren’t around; on the other, envied her friends who had dinners at home with their entire family to talk and laugh with.” She adds that “family dinner conversations ARE important — they are one of the few times parents can find out what their children are up to (and vice versa). I didn’t grow up to have any kind of substance abuse or delinquency problems, but it doesn’t mean I don’t feel like I missed out either.”
As a stay-at-home mom, I ate with my girls during dinner time. Their daddy often worked late at night and I didn’t want the kids to get hungry waiting for their dad to arrive. Weekends when we were all home made up for those lost dinner times. Time’s article on The Magic of the Family Meal does not specify dinner.
Research on family meals does not explore whether it makes a difference if dinner is with two parents or one or even whether the meal needs to be dinner. For families whose schedules make evenings together a challenge, breakfast or lunch may have the same value.
A family unit decides on their family meal time. It could be breakfast, lunch, dinner or late night snack. It must be remembered that the definition of a family unit varies. A family may be composed of two parents or a solo parent, a guardian, grandparents, siblings, the yaya, or combination of all. It is not right to alienate the OFWs and the working parents. The magic of a family meal is in the preparation of the food, enjoying the cooked meal, and having great conversations. Shut the TV off. Don’t reply to that SMS. And see where the magic takes you.