MANILA, Philippines – Given that a certain guy’s dignity has been watered down significantly, it’s highly likely the guy is never gonna dance — or screw — again in front of a camera. Still, you can’t deny the love doctor’s gotten us all interested in actual video cams again (seriously, those candid camera shows are so ‘90s) and more so in the responsible gathering of footage. Of course, it isn’t just about asking your subject if documenting “the deed” is okay with him/her, but about capturing quality. No sporadic blurring, no bad lighting, no reason for your audience to squint and ask, “Wait, was that a boob or a bicep?”
Taking all of our camera conundrums into account, the people at Sony have come up with a new range of handy cams that can even turn the smut a supreme idiot douchebag like Hayden (wow, he’s created a climate of stupidity, hasn’t he?) records into arthouse fare. We whip out our camera connoisseurship and test out Sony’s new Handycam models to determine what makes this set so sizzling hot.
For hidden cameras, not Hayden cameras: Sneaking your cam between your medical ethics books will be easy what with extra-slim models like the Cyber-shot T90, T900, DCR-SX60 and SX40. And with the latter’s “Exmor R” image sensor, you can be assured of crisp and clear pictures in dimly lit rooms and for night scenes. 12.0-megapixel still image recording (8.3 megapixels for dual recording) means you can keep the mystery and churn out Playboy-worthy photos. And if someone decides to whip some glowing balls out for a dance, Optical Steadyshot technology in the XR-series keeps the shake out of your shots — just so you can join your partner and smoothly capture a cheesy song and dance number.
It wasn’t me... it was the camera: In case your hairy ass gets caught with a vulgar recording that looks way premeditated ‘cause of its quality, you can cry out camera features. Tell the defense the camera has a mind of its own, what with a 60x zoom lens in the SX series that just happened to remarkably record your sexy time. These models are so proficient they’ve even got Smile Shutter, Face Detection technology, and Auto Backlight Correction — so if you were really on drugs, dilated pupils will show. And the Hard Disk Drive series has Dolby Digital 5.1 Creator and a built-in zoom mic so you can hear all the moans, er, conversations that might even help in court.
Yes to Careless Whisper but no to careless storage: Guys like Erik Chua may have a bit of trouble grabbing your video gold with the new SD Memory Stick series. These babies have 8 GB (the SX series has got double that) of internal memory and direct movie recording on a memory stick as well, so you can stash that private moment-carrying card deep into your safe, where it belongs. Also, a Highlight Playback feature makes it easier to splice some background music in there and share it with a loved one — or several angry senators.