Dear Nanay,
Just like your other letter sender, Us Against The World, I am in a similar situation where my girlfriend’s parents do not approve of our relationship.
My girlfriend is Chinese and I am Filipino and according to her father, it is against their culture and tradition for their daughter to marry a Filipino. He says he has nothing against me and that I am a good person. He treats me well and with respect but he says that we just cannot get married. But we love each other and want to get married. What do we do now? — US AGAINST HER PARENTS
Dear Us Against Her Parents,
As you know, there are many Chinese families who believe that their children should marry only fellow Chinese. There are also those who do not believe in that tradition anymore. You have to understand that one’s cultural traditions are very important and must be taken into serious consideration when deciding on marriage.
I am glad that your girlfriend’s father treats you well. That may not make your situation any easier to deal with because he still may not give his blessing to your marriage. But for whatever it is worth, at least he is nice to you.
I think your only option is to have a heart-to-heart talk with him when you are ready to get married. Both you and your girlfriend should have a conversation with her parents and try to see where that leads. You can try to persuade and prove to them that you really love each other. I do not know if it will work. If it does, then well and good. If it doesn’t, then you and your girlfriend should decide whether to follow your hearts or her parents.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Marriage can wait
Dear Nanay,
I just want to comment on the letter sent to you last May 12 by Us Against The World (UATW).
UATW, why do you want to get married so soon? Especially now in these days when the youth are getting married later and later in their 20s or even 30s. I am 34 and I am not yet married and most of our friends, men and women, are not married. Why? Because you should go and enjoy life first! Travel, eat, build your career, meet new people and just enjoy life! This way when you get married you have experienced more things and you will be more mature and prepared to settle down. I think this is a better situation than our parents who used to get married in their early 20s. For them it was like: go to college, find a job and then immediately get married. But our world is different today. So I think the more you can postpone it and the later the better. Besides if you are having any kind of doubts and still have to “think about it†then almost for sure you are not ready.
As for your parents not liking the boy, well, there may be very little you can do about that. But as long as you do not get married yet, there still is time. When given some time many parents end up warming up to their children’s significant others. Just be patient and show your parents that both you and your boyfriend can be mature people and handle the situation with maturity and respect. And hopefully your parents will eventually warm up and get along with your boyfriend. And tell them that, besides, you are not getting married yet. You are only dating and getting to know each other. Assure them that marriage is still the furthest thing from your mind … isn’t it? I hope it is! —M. DE LA COSTA
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