Last week The Philippine STAR published my article, “25 Reasons Why My Autistic Son Is A Blessing.” One of my aims with that piece was to encourage parents with autistic or special needs children to have a paradigm shift and see how wonderful it is to have a special child as opposed to seeing one’s offspring with special needs as a burden. However, honestly, I did not expect my son Mike, who is five, to read the article as well. His reaction was unexpected; he didn’t tell me directly but he asked his nanny: “Am I also a blessing?” There was, from the nanny’s retelling, a bit of jealousy in Mike and when I saw him afterwards, although I didn’t refer to it, I started to call him my “little blessing” and instantly his eyes lit up.
For parents with both special needs kids and so-called “normal” kids, it is often a challenge to provide the children with same amount of attention and care. Ultimately, one child will demand more time, resources and intervention, and often it is the special child. While as adults we can easily understand and accept the reality of a special needs child requiring more help and care compared to normal children, the other child may not see things as clearly. As with Mike, he often wonders why we are more accommodating to his older brother, Santi, who has autism, particularly when Santi is throwing a tantrum.
Admittedly, it is an impossible task to love all our children with perfect equality in terms of time, care and affection. However, it is very possible to love our kids equally, although that as well is quite difficult. Human as we are, we may have a stronger attachment with one child in comparison to our attachment with our other children. What is important, if we are to help our children to grow up with a healthy sense of self-worth and dignity, is to not be overt in our favoritism, meaning that if we care more for a specific child, it is best to keep that as a parent’s secret. Favoritism will only foster jealousy and may undermine the emotional development of the less favored children.
Honestly, I can say that I love both Santi and Mike equally. But because of Santi’s special needs, I must take extra effort to assure his younger brother that he is as loved and as valued.
So for you, Mike, here are 25 reasons why you are a blessing:
1. Because you are my son. Full Stop.
2. Because you are my alarm clock, waking me up at 6 a.m. to borrow my iPad before you leave for school.
3. Because you are patient with Santi, especially when he throws a tantrum.
4. Because you have inherited my sense of humor — and my lack of ability to properly tell a joke!
5. Because you are the very spirit of inquisitiveness.
6. Because your inquisitiveness reminds me to remain curious about the world.
7. Because you always want your family together in one place.
8. Because you have your mother’s smile.
9. Because you are — and this is totally biased — a physically handsome child.
10. Because you tell the worst — and so the funniest — knock-knock jokes.
11. Because you aren’t afraid to be the center of attention.
12. Because you encourage Santi to play with you.
13. Because your happiness infects the whole family and household.
14. Because you aren’t afraid to say no to things you don’t like, which reminds us not to be pushovers.
15. Because your simple presence recharges me after a long day’s work.
16. Because you ask me so many questions that I’m forced to study all the time.
17. Because you make your mother laugh.
18. Because we enjoy the same things, which includes shopping for books and clothes!
19. Because you allow us to change the channel when Kuya Santi wants to watch another show instead of your Disney Junior.
20. Because you tell us that you missed us when we don’t see each other.
21. Because you are affectionate with your relatives, which reminds us to be likewise.
22. Because you are brave enough to dance in public, which teaches us to let our hair down and relax.
23. Because you say sorry right away when you make a mistake.
24. Because you laugh at my corny jokes and my lousy magic tricks.
25. Because you are a child, and children — whatever shape, color, or condition — are blessings.
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@adeltamano adel.tamano@yahoo.com