Dear Nanay,
My parents did everything for me to finish college. I am a graduate of BSC major in accounting and according to them it is for my own good so that someday I won’t have to resort to hard labor. What they said was true. I got a good job after graduation and after almost two years I got married. I resigned from work because I got pregnant. My husband worked abroad and he wanted me to just stay at home and tend to our three kids. I know that my husband told me to resign only because he was just jealous, but to keep peace in our family, I followed.
So finally I settled down to be a full-time mom. During the early years we were still well off. Now, my children are all in college and we are just relying on my husband’s income. I can’t make both ends meet and I am almost drowning in debt. I am 47 years old and, as you see here in our country, even if you are qualified, age matters a lot. I can’t try call centers because I am anemic. Sometimes, I blame myself for giving up my work but I have no regrets because my kids grew up well and that’s the only consolation I have. What pains me is I cannot find work because of my age and the companies say I am very much qualified. I can’t figure out what to do. I’m really in dire straits and need a job to help my husband sustain our children’s college education. — SI
Dear Si,
Unfortunately, for whatever reason, there are a lot of companies who do think it is important to hire younger people. But you also have to realize that job search is not an easy thing to accomplish. It is not something where you can just send out a few résumés and expect that an offer will be made to you. Hindi ganoon kadali iyon. (It’s not that simple.) Like in everything else in life, you have to work hard, very hard.
Keep sending out your résumé. Keep looking at the classified ads and apply for as many positions you think you are qualified for. Ask your friends and business contacts if they can give you a referral. Tailor your resume and cover letter to each job. Hindi puwede yung isang klase lang ang resume mo tapos iyon ang ipapadala mo sa lahat ng kumpanya (Don’t write just one kind of letter and résumé to send to all prospective companies.). That is unprofessional. Start a Facebook account and try to get as many friends as possible to widen your network. Use every tool available to you to find a job or a referral that may lead to a job. But, most of all, do not give up.
As I mentioned earlier, job search is not an easy task. Take it seriously. Be professional. Put as much effort into it as you would any other important task. Keep at it and I am confident that one of these days, you will find that all your efforts and hard work will pay off … regardless of your age.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Having To Choose Between His Mother & Girlfriend
Dear Nanay,
I am 37-year-old bachelor in a relationship with a single mother of three beautiful children. Everything between us is good as we have been together for five years. Although there are problems in our families with regard to our relationship, we try not to mind it too much because we get along very well.
My mother does not consent to our relationship but she cannot do anything about it. I am the only boy with two sisters and am the youngest. My father has passed away and my sisters have their own families as well. I would have wanted to live together under one roof but my mother does not want to do that. She says if I end up with my girlfriend “bahala na daw ako.” My mother also says that she just wants me to have a child so she can see her grandchildren.
My mother is too idealistic and moralistic. I do not know why I need to always please her. My girlfriend can no longer have a baby because of some complications during her last pregnancy. I love my mother. I love my girlfriend. And I love her children whom I consider my own. My mother always says, “They are not my family so why don’t I look for someone else?”
Sometimes, I think about having my own children but I know my girlfriend’s situation. I do not want to put her health in danger. And no girl in her right mind would agree for her husband to have a child with another woman so I do not even bring that up.
Thank you for your advice.— Nel
Dear Nel,
I think you just have to ultimately list down your priorities. What is most important to you? Your mother’s happiness? Marrying your girlfriend? Having your own children? Be as honest as possible with yourself and list down your priorities in order of importance. Then based on that list, you can probably decide what is best for you.
It seems like regardless of what you do, someone will get hurt. If you break up, then obviously your girlfriend will be unhappy. If you marry her, your mother will be sad. But, as they say in life, you cannot please all the people all of the time. Sometimes, you just have to choose the least of the evils.
So I suggest make your list and use that to help guide your decision. Do what makes you happy. Do what you think is best for you. Follow your conscience and follow your heart. In the end, I am sure you will make the best decision.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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