Dear Nanay,
With regard to the Facebook problem in your column last week, I, too, have a wife who is so addicted to social networking. Her every waking hour is spent online with her 1,217 Facebook friends. They chat and talk and post all kinds of things.
The only difference between me and Survivor Wife is at least for me there are no affairs involved. My only problem is that she is on Facebook for hours and hours and I feel we do not get to talk enough or spend enough time together as a family.
So what do I do with her?
— Surviving Husband
DEAR SURVIVING HUSBAND,
I think your perceived problem with your wife’s Facebook habit is no different than if your wife was spending too much time at work, doing a hobby, or seeing her friends too often. The bottom line is that she is spending all her time doing something that does not involve the rest of the family. And because of this, kulang na yung oras na naibibigay niya sa inyo (she doesn’t spend enough time with you).
As you said, it is good that her FB addiction seems relatively harmless and there are no deeper problems other than just not spending enough time with the family.
Having said that, I think a simple talk with her might do the trick, kausapin mo lang. Tell her how you feel. Maybe she does not realize that she is not spending enough time with you. Do not stop her completely from being on Facebook. That’s not what you want. What you are looking for is balance. Tell her she is free to do as much Facebook as she wants, as long as she also gives some time to the family. Maybe you can agree on a certain number of hours that she can give to the family every day, and anything beyond that she is free to do as she pleases.
The other thing you can do is to also open a Facebook account for yourself. This will show her that you are not really mad. Perhaps more importantly, she will see that you just really want to spend time together. Just like you are asking her to be a part of your world, you are also making an effort to be a part of her world.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Dear Nanay,
May I reply to the letter of Survivor Wife (Aug. 29)? By your own words, your husband gave you a “break” only because you threw the book at him, so to speak. But it seems he is an incorrigible Facebook fiend with a battering-wife syndrome to add. So the next time, why not throw the entire Facebook configuration, TV included, at him? What I mean is: teaching him a lesson by pulling your punches (filing a complaint merely at the barangay level, then desisting, after perhaps a well-rehearsed “I am sorry” from him) simply won’t do. Assess your situation well and be ready to file a legal case against him in the proper forum and, this time, resolutely.
— Jacqueline Ramos
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Social climbers everywhere
DEAR NANAY,
With regard to the letter wherein the maid is spreading rumors about her having an affair with the husband (Aug. 15), I completely agree with Merry Widow (Aug. 22).
But I just want to add that it is not just maids who tend to magpapabonggahan (outshine each other). Everyone does that! Especially when they are drunk!
There are social climbers everywhere in our society. There are people who are mayabang (arrogant) and like to show off! And if this maid thinks that it is sosyal for her to be having an affair with her boss, then that is what she will brag about. That is no different than other people in our society who make unfounded claims about their accomplishments or conquests. Or try to take credit for things that they did not do.
Maybe what the wife should do is to just simply fire the maid. Or at the very least bring it up with the husband. Let’s see how he reacts. If he just shrugs his shoulders and says, “Okay, up to you,” which is the way I expect most husbands would react, then I guess he has nothing to hide. If he rushes to her defense in an unusual way then maybe there is reason to be concerned. I think she will learn a lot just from his reaction to the thought that the maid might be fired. I think even just getting drunk in the neighborhood and coming home intoxicated is already reason enough for her to be fired. So just fire her!
— JUST FIRE HER
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