I almost ran away on the first day. Every hour we meditated felt like 10 years. We were asked to just focus on our breathing, the flow of air inwards and outwards through the nostrils.
Sounds easy enough, but my "monkey mind" kept wandering off every five seconds! The teacher’s voice gently reassured me by telling us to "smilingly bring the mind’s attention back to the breath." It was important that we not agitate ourselves during meditation.
After two days of just focusing on my breathing, I realized I was actually more relaxed during meditation than during our two-hour lunch break or the other mini-breaks scattered throughout the day.
It was becoming clear to me that meditation was allowing me to focus my mind as it had never been focused before. I began to comprehend what real peace was by experiencing what it was not – not living in the memories and hurts of the past, not worrying obsessively about the future, not creating imagined "worst case" scenarios in my head. I began to understand that the reason I was so stressed in my everyday life was not because I actually had reason to be stressed. My own mind was making me miserable, imprisoned in its habit of constantly warring with the present moment.
The following days took us on a journey where we explored the truth within the field of mind and matter. Vipassana in the ancient Pali language means "to see things as they really are." This scientific meditation technique teaches one to explore the senses of one’s own body in order to experience personally the law of nature or dhamma: everything is changing; nothing is permanent.
Although many of us know this on the intellectual level, true wisdom divined from this fact can be life-changing only when it is experienced firsthand. As one explores the senses through each two-to-three-inch section of one’s body, one is told to simply observe the sensations, whether pleasant or unpleasant, painful or pleasurable, with complete equanimity.
Being able to face life’s ups and downs with equanimity (non-reaction to sensations and outside stimuli) is the key to getting to the root cause of misery in one’s life. When one is no longer a slave to one’s cravings and aversions, one is liberated from the "I" that once was trapped by them.
For the first time in my life I appreciated what Jesus meant when he asked the wealthy young man to leave everything he owned in order to follow Him. And what does one hold dear that is difficult to sacrifice? Whether one is attached to material things, food, achievements, or the good opinion of others, these all point to one thing: an attachment to one’s ego. What we fear most is not the loss of anything we have, but the diminishment of the self that seeks completion through these things. In essence, Jesus challenges us to leave the ego behind, with its fears and desires; stop burnishing the statue we have made of ourselves and put on a pedestal, for that very act is what gives us pain.
I cried as I realized that I had always loved myself too much, and my preoccupation with that self left no room for others. Not only that, but my egotism caused the stress and tension prevalent in my daily life. I was tired all the time because I spent so much energy parrying the perceived jabs on my person, proving that I was right and others wrong, creating constant arguments in my head so that I would always be well equipped if the need to defend myself should arise.
Yet those tears were also of gratitude as I realized that I had been given a precious gift, the chance to live a conscious and peaceful life.
I wish I could tell you that meditation was a cure-all and that I lived happily ever after when I returned to Manila, but that would be a cruel deception. Every day since then has required great effort to stay committed to breaking the habits of a lifetime. Knowing the truth is not enough; one must experience the truth in order to attain true wisdom. That is what meditation does. The practice brings the realization of the truth from the realm of intellect to the realm of feeling. The journey from head to heart can take a lifetime, but it is probably the only journey worth taking.
Our teacher, Sri S. N. Goenka, said: "Each person must walk his own path to salvation." We must work hard for our own liberation, each and every day. In this way can we bring the Kingdom of God to the here and now. We may have taken 10 steps or a hundred, but what truly matters is that these are steps taken on the path to enlightenment.
And now, I can truly say to you all, "May you know peace in this life. May all beings be happy."
There will be a 10-day Vipassana Meditation Course on Oct. 18-29 at Sico Farm Dasmarinas Cavite. For inquiries please call 639-3047 or 632-6506 or text 0917-8004464; 0916-9708578. You can also e-mail vipassana_rp@yahoo.com and fax application at 636-2361. Application forms can be downloaded from the website: www.dhamma.org.