I usually work at home and I have to admit that each time my kids and husband walk out the door, I get anxious thinking, what if something happens to them?
Each of us has our own way of coping and facing our fears. Here are some personalities who have gone through loss and survived it. Hopefully, it will help our readers who are now going through a tragic loss.
REY LANGIT, broadcaster: It has been over two months since I lost my son Reyster. Like most parents, I found that losing a child, and losing him in such a tragic manner, is almost more than a father can bear. It should not have happened. Parents do not normally outlive their children. But here I am. Throughout Reyster’s brief life, he had been more than my son – he was my friend, my colleague in the industry, my sparring partner, my kasangga. I cannot even begin to explain how much losing him has changed my life forever.
However, no matter how debilitating my loss is, I take comfort in knowing that he had lived his life meaningfully, always putting others’ needs before his, and as a result, he died in much the same way – trying to save other people’s lives from malaria.
Because of this, I have dedicated the rest of my life to keeping his memory and mission alive in everything that I do. When I do this, I know that he is with me, if not in flesh, in spirit. The greatness of his short life serves as my inspiration and it is this that gives me strength to continue what he started.
Reyster has been my director for our two television programs for several years now, and today, I feel that he is directing me still from his seat in heaven.
CATHY BABAO-GUBALLA, Health Today and Moms & Babies magazines editor in chief and Migi’s Corner Foundation executive director: First of all, and perhaps most difficult, is the acceptance part. You can’t really move on until you are able to accept in your heart and mind that your loved one is gone.
Once you have done that, then you slowly, little by little, re-organize your life and build yourself a "new normal." Do not expect your life to return to what it previously was, that things will eventually return to normal, because they never will. A loss has happened – that’s the reality, painful as it may be to accept. So you begin building a new life with the people who are left behind. During this period, take extra care of yourself. Avoid unnecessary stress as much as possible. Be kind to yourself. Get enough rest, eat well and exercise. I know it’s very difficult to do but it can be done. Grieve but don’t wallow.
Through all this, prayer is constant. I don’t know how I could have pulled through the loss of my son Migi if God’s hand had not guided me. He’s really the only one who can see you through your pain. The pain of loss has been allowed for a reason. I found my mission in life when my son died. As Pastor Rick Warren says in The Purpose Driven Life, we find our purpose through the most painful experiences we’ve had in life. Use the experience to serve others and always give back the glory to Him through your work.
GINA DE VENECIA, Congressional Spouses Foundation Inc. president: By anchoring my faith in the Lord, believing that someday, I’ll see my child again.
JENNY PEÑA, InterContinental Manila public relations director: It is very difficult to accept the death of a cherished friend. It has been 18 months since Joe Salazar passed away, but there are still moments when I find myself teary-eyed when I think of him. I was disconsolate for some time, often visiting his house to linger in his office and in the beautiful garden that he loved so much. Sometimes, I would gather some ornamental leaves from his garden to bring to his crypt. I visit him regularly during my lunch break or after work in the evening. This may sound crazy but I bring magazines and news clippings about him and read them out to him like I used to do over the phone when he was alive. (He was a late riser so I usually get to read them ahead of him.) I still leave him little notes on special occasions.
Deep in my heart, I know that my friend will always be there for me, even if his soul has moved on to a more beautiful and kinder world. This has been manifested a couple of times in special projects when, out of the blue, things and persons would materialize without my having gone out of my way to seek them out. Always, these things and persons had been part of his life in the past.
A friendship that is so sincere and giving is a rare gem that should be treasured. This I was so fortunate to have found in Joe. The mind will always remember. The heart will always care. I will continue to be there for him as he had always been for me.
Rep. CHARLIE COJUANGCO, 4th district, Negros Occidental: My "A-more" and I were connected from day one, and we got to grow together throughout our 10-year union. It just fell into place, being with a person who was beautiful inside and out, someone who was better than a best friend. An understanding and caring partner in life, selfless, bending but not breaking, like the finest bamboo. She had a marvelous sense of humor. A food freak. A TV and movie fanatic. A loving and responsible mother. A gracious and loyal friend. An inspirational role model. An affectionate daughter. One will not run out of descriptions for one of God’s great blessings to me. I truly miss her.
I cope by relishing the memories of our happy times together, by rejoicing in being blessed by God to have had a wife such as her. I accept God’s plan to take her in the time He did, and I humbly thank the Lord for 10 glorious years together, with all the ups and downs, and the wonderful blessings of Claudia, Jaime and Ali. I humbly thank the Lord for our supportive families and our loyal and sincere friends. I choose to dwell on God’s promises, not on earthly negatives. God has a plan for each of us. I move on to continue God’s plan for me with great anticipation and excitement. Whatever it is, it should be good.
MARISSA FERNAN, SM Group-VISMIN senior assistant vice president: Because of the way he lived his life, my dad made it easier for me to cope with his passing. Since prayer was a significant part of my dad’s life, I turned to it for solace and in the expression of my feelings and emotions. My Dad’s life was marked by dedicated service to the community and that inspired me to carry on with some of the causes he pursued through my civic and social involvements in the community. On a more personal note, my Dad was a good friend and family man. Each day, I find myself striving to be as best a friend and family person that I can be. All the memories of the good my dad shared in his lifetime have made it possible for me to cope with his passing through the way I live life.
JAQUI DAYRIT BONCAN, Miladay Realty vice president and businesswoman: My parents passed away seven years ago, 20 days apart from each other and, though my memories of them remain vivid, I need to let go and move on. I find comfort in knowing that they are now in a better place with no more pain and suffering and that someday we will all be together.
MERCY TUASON, civic-minded lady: In 1970, at the age of 39, I lost my husband. He often left for business trips to different parts of the country and to various parts of the world, but no matter how often he would travel, I never really got used to it. Every single time he took a plane, I would pray to Our Lady to wrap him in her mantel and protect him from harm. I would ask my guardian angel to assist the pilot all throughout the flight. It never got easier. It was physically and emotionally draining.
One night, the night before my husband was to take a morning flight to Baguio, exhausted during my prayer, I ended with "Thy will be done." It was difficult, but I meant it and I was ready to trust in His infinite wisdom. I felt peace.
That morning, as I was about to put on my black sweater, I couldn’t take its color. I immediately changed to a red floral duster and awaited his arrival. God had accepted my offer and on that very day, the Lord took my husband. In His infinite compassion, He gave me the grace of complete and total resignation. I was devastated. I did not understand but I trusted in the ways of the Lord. I went where the wind blew. Sometimes it blew hard, sometimes it blew fast, but it always carried me to where I was supposed to be.
I was left with seven children, the youngest of whom was only 11 months old. I had nothing to comfort me but the knowledge that this was indeed His will.
It took me a long time to finish my prayers with "Your will be done." I was afraid that He would once again accept my offer.
Thirty-four years later, the Lord called my son Iñaki to His side.
Many times I have been asked how I was able to cope with such tragedy. My answer is found in a beautiful prayer: "Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can change and the wisdom to know the difference."
The serenity that comes with resignation is truly the grace that has kept me going. The courage to try to make a difference in the lives of others and help in any way I can is a reward itself, for it has left me no time to dwell on misery. Wisdom in discernment is my beacon of light, the gift I continue to pray for and strive for every day. With this, tragedy is made tolerable. No matter the magnitude of loss, life will always be complete in the Lord.
They say it’s harder to lose a son, but in my case, it was harder to lose my husband because I was very young when I lost him.
CYNTHIA ALMARIO, interior designer: With great difficulty. I find comfort visiting my brother Dondi’s crypt all the time, and talking about him with my family and friends. I also find myself watching family videos, looking at his pictures, and listening to his favorite songs over and over again. Knowing that he is no longer in pain and is at peace gives me the most comfort and makes it easier for me to accept his death. I know that one day the emptiness I constantly feel in my heart will be gone.