The lure of a younger man

Last Sunday, I wrote about why younger men prefer older women. This was inspired by the movie Something’s Gotta Give where the topic of May-December affairs was tackled. The feedback I got from that article was positive. And neither was it controversial that I was emboldened to write about my next topic: Why Some Older Women Prefer Younger Men.

Last night, while I was together in the car with my eldest daughter Liaa, a male friend of hers sent a message referring to that Sunday Star article. He said something like I was the epitome of what I wrote in that article. I jokingly told Liaa to reply, via text too, to tell her friend to be sure he wears a carnation in his lapel so I could recognize him on our first date. Liaa and I had a laugh. Was I flattered? Not really... well, maybe amused... but it did encourage me to write this article. I decided to pick up from where I left off, do the reverse and delve on the question – what’s in it for older women?

Okay, let’s get the obvious out of the way first. Older women prefer younger men because they are brutally more handsome and their bodies, more trim, something like Adonis? Maybe. In ancient times, women were programmed to ignore men’s potbellies and be seated with a partner with a beer in his hand watching the sports channel or do the housework while he sat around. Well, not anymore. Now, it’s no longer degrading for many husbands or lovers to help around the kitchen and the house. A younger man will probably help more swiftly than a prouder older man. He helps his mother do the dishes in all humility.

There is a certain mindset that women, as they age should be less interested in their partner’s looks and more in their partner’s brain. Not all the time. Women don’t exactly lose their eyesight as they grow older. It might blur a bit but they surely will recognize handsomeness. Older women, like older men, are also drawn to the physical beauty of their partners and the recklessness or adventure they provide. Plus that thick upper lip, chinky eyes, a strong jaw. Hair over his forehead or strong firm arms.

Another obvious reason is – yes, great sex. Women have not only taken over the boardroom but the bedroom as well. Many women have become more unabashed and their desires less hidden and desexualized. And did you know that research shows that "the full power of the sexuality of a woman emerges usually after her child-bearing age?" I didn’t know that either but is it any wonder that women are drawn to younger men because of this sexual endurance? A younger man, I am told, can keep up with the sexuality of an older woman. He doesn’t need to pop a viagra like his older counterparts and this is his edge.

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Anyway, social interaction for women has evolved with the passing of the years. With the many opportunities open, women don’t have to choose a man solely for his capability to provide. Majority of women then, or at least parents did, choose prospective partners according to their ability to financially support a family. Many still do but I know of many women who are independent and earn money for themselves nowadays. This independence gives them more freedom to choose whoever they want to be with. Usually, women in their late ’40s or early ’50s are financially stable. Either they are done rearing their children, widowed or accomplished in their chosen fields. Thus, this is the time for them to explore, have a little fun and do the things they couldn’t do before. For some women, younger men provide this "fun" factor, because older men are sometimes too spent to do anything else, usually whining that their jobs are wearing them out... even if they may have a younger mistress actually on the side! That’s where perhaps more younger men are more honest than those old fogeys... as they’re probably just learning how to lie.

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Then, it is a fact that older women like to be in control of the relationship. They feel they’ve earned that superiority having gone through the travails of life. This isn’t possible if she’s with a man the same age as hers or an older one who wants to prove he’s "on top of everything" with his machismo complex. Biological factors and societal influences and pressures won’t allow it. Thus, women run to younger men who are more at awe as she relaxes as the queen.

Younger men are easier to manipulate. Of course, the fact that younger men tend to be more appreciative of older women’s intelligence and experience, also makes it all the more easier for women to control the relationship. Older women may feel they deserve to be the center of the universe, but the wiser women won’t abide with this thinking. Older women will turn that thought around and make the younger men king in that center.

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There are other factors why women fall for younger men, some of it you may find ludicrous. Like older men acknowledging the fact that younger men are more receptive and showy of their feelings than them. Younger men are more attentive, more spontaneous to provide love and support to older women... and you know what a little hug, stolen or premeditated, can do for a woman. All that youngish aggressiveness is so exciting.

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Then, let’s not stereotype the young ones and say that they are all immature. Some of them are actually more mature, more philosophical, more analytical in their search than the relaxed, know-it-all older men.

Because younger men are usually more idealistic, they are prone to engage in more lively and meaningful debates and books that show "some ways." There are younger men who are actually unspoiled, responsible and reliable without an executive secretary.

The older woman knows in her mind and heart she mustn’t spoil her younger man lest she be taken for granted. She remembers she did that when she had an older man who spoiled her. If women think that once upon a time they didn’t know what to do, they know all men generally don’t know what to do and like being led.

Psychiatrist Dr. Theodore Abas says that he knows of "many elderly men who have sent their children to older prostitutes they know, to teach their sons the act of making out, to put it subtly. As the woman directs her youthful man or what she wants, he makes him learn about the key to unravel her passions. The male lover need not be a 100-meter-dash runner. He ought to be a marathon man in every sense. The emotionally and sexually mature young man on a long distance run with all the resistance, waiting for the woman to peak and holding him back." I’m quoting, mind you!

So after all the hype, I believe that relationships between older women and younger men do happen. You can say it’s a new option for romance. But at the end of the day, regardless of age differences, chemistry – standing, sitting, or lying, speaking, acting, or silent – is truly what makes relationships work.