DEAR EPPY,
I’m a 23-year-old guy, a fresh grad from college in 2011 and still unemployed. I’ve never had a girl friend since birth. It’s been five years that I’ve been visiting massage parlors regularly. Last January, I met a girl in a massage parlor, and I was so much attracted to her. We are of the same age. She is single and very beautiful. I don’t know why I’m so comfortable with her. I think it’s just love at first sight. Since I met her, I’ve been regularly going to that massage parlor where she works. I would always request for her to be my attendant because that’s the only time we could be together. We have lots of bonding time inside the room and I always make an effort to let her feel how special she is to me. Whenever I visit her, I always bring her stuff like her favorite food, chocolates, fruits, etc.
Right now, my feelings for her are getting deeper every time I see her. Even though I’m not in the mood for having sex, I would spend my time and money just to see her. I trust and care for her. I even want to help her start a new life by using my savings and connections, but I don’t know how much money it will take for me to help. I also have no idea if she likes me the same way that I like her. Sometimes I wonder if what she’s doing can affect her health. I also wonder if what she does leads to some sickness? Is too much sex for females bad for their health? My situation is very difficult. What should I do? Please advise.
PATRON OF MASSAGE
DEAR PATRON OF MASSAGE,
Your question “I also wonder if what she does leads to some sickness?†is kind of vague. If “what she does†refers to her job of giving massages, then we need to qualify that. Bacteria are microscopic, but they can affect us. There are bacteria that can be good for us but there are those that can also be one of the most dangerous elements in our surroundings. When two or more people are in contact through touch, the chances of bacteria increasing are quite high. In an experimental study done by Nozomi D, Tetsuji W, Tadashi T, Eiko I, and Yoshitoshi I, entitled “Washing Hands Before and After Performing Massage? Changes in Bacterial Survival Count on Skin of a Massage Therapist and a Client During Massage Therapy,†it is shown that human contact increases the number of bacteria, making two people more susceptible to sickness. Nozomi D, et.al explain that the way the therapist conducts the session will determine the amount of bacteria present in both the therapist and client. Thus, your female massage therapist is at risk of getting sick due to the number of clients she has if she does not conduct the sessions properly.
If you refer to your therapist’s sexual activities when performing massage, then of course the chances of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases are high for her. Because you indulge in sex with her, then your chances of acquiring sexually transmitted diseases are just as high.
Your last question is just as vague as the other. I can only assume that your question “What should I do?†may be referring to one of these two things: One is that you are asking me about what you should do about this female therapist’s sexual escapades; and the other is, you want to know what you can do about your feelings for her.
My answer to the first reference is that you don’t do anything about her sexual escapades because she didn’t ask you to come into her life to judge what she does to herself and to change that. My answer to the second reference is that only you can say what you are willing to risk when it comes to emotions.
You are right that you have a difficult situation in your hands. Being in love with someone who entertains sex from others is difficult for you because if you were raised in an environment that promotes the sanctity of sex between two people, then it is difficult to accept that the person you fell in love with is not morally upright when it comes to sex.
However, when you allowed yourself to fall in love with this woman, you did that with “eyes wide open.†That is, you allowed yourself to fall in love with this woman knowing she provides massages with the benefit of sexual pleasure to other men. If you try to have a relationship with her, your obvious response would be to change her ways. Right now, trying to help her by giving her a “new life†is obviously trying to pull her away from her job. You are already trying to manipulate her into doing what you think is “right†for you, not for her. If you were doing it for her, then you would have told me that the two of you discussed the matter of her life and she has realized that it would be best for her to get a “new life.†But this is not the case.
You may be manipulating her because of your perception of what society thinks is “right.†Also, you may be doing this because you are becoming jealous of other men that she is giving sex to. But her morals may have deteriorated already, which makes her see that touching the genitals of other men and having intercourse with them are just like changing clothes. For her, the issue of sex is not important anymore.
To stress my point, I would like to cite the study of Teela Sanders of the journal Gender, Work, and Organization, written in 2005. The position of Sanders tells us that in the workplace of giving sex to men, a woman will have to create a different “identity†from how she really is. This is a necessary mechanism to protect herself from the experience of having to “sell sex.†Also, the woman (or man) will have to show a certain behavior that will attract and maintain his/her clientele, giving the impression to the clientele that they are liked. Unfortunately, these people who sell sex have calculated responses to manipulate their clients.
What does that say now about your concern? You fall in love with this female massage therapist because you find her attractive. Part of this is also about you predicting that she can also fall in love with you. However, Sanders tells you that the probability of her falling in love with you is quite low because your therapist has a certain way of thinking, and that is, “… every male client is an addition to my income.†Therefore, you are a means to her financial survival. If you wish to continue falling in love with her, then you will have to accept that she may decide to be with you for your money, especially because you have shown her that you are willing to spend all your fortune for her. Notice I did not say she will love you for your money because if she has already tagged you as a client, it will now be difficult for her to consider you as a romantic partner. Thus, it is inappropriate to use the word “love.†This is what you have to live with if you consider her as a partner. I am not saying that you shouldn’t fall in love with her. I am saying that if you do decide to continue falling in love with her, you will have to take the consequences. It is unfair to her that you get surprised and angry one day when she tells you she does not love you or that she has been romantically connected to another man.
EPPY
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E-mail eppygochangco@gmail.com..