I read your article about how getting married can prolong one’s life. I’m 29 and single. How can I find Mr. Right when I don’t even have a boyfriend? — Ms. B.
Yes, I received a lot of feedback on my article on “20 strategies to live longer,” especially regarding the getting married part. To all the single people out there, don’t worry because I have gathered 10 scientifically-sound tips to improve your love life:
1. Ladies, don’t show your IQ. Guys admire smart girls, but they don’t marry them. If your BF’s car broke down and you repaired it, that’s a blow to his ego. Guys are secretly afraid, too, that they can’t get away with their vices with a very smart girl. So, ladies, play it smart or, rather, play it dumb.
2. Find a complementary mate. If you’re a bookish person, you’d like to marry a street-smart guy. If the girl has an average IQ, she’d like to marry an intelligent guy. According to Leil Lowndes, author of wonderful book How to Make Anyone Fall in Love With You, we instinctively look for somebody who complements our weakness. In fact, studies show that dominant firstborns get along well with baby-like last-borns (their personalities mix well). This will bloom into a strong partnership later. Hence, showing what you have that the other lacks can make you attractive to the opposite sex.
3. Smile. Studies (yes, studies) have shown that the most effective way to attract the opposite sex is to smile. In a study of 750 encounters between men and women, 56 percent of conversations were initiated by smiling. Flipping the hair for ladies, and taking the direct approach came in second and third in effectivity.
4. Be helpful and generous. I know that helping may not be your thing, but nobody likes stingy and thrifty guys. Buy her take-home snacks. Volunteer to help in her work. Do errands for her. Who says you can’t mix work and courting?
5. Look near, not far. Again, studies show that the average distance between the homes of future couples is less than five blocks. That means your soul mate is just lurking within walking distance from your home right now. Forget about long-distance affairs. They’re tedious and prone to get intercepted by enterprising girls.
6. Don’t date a model. Unless you look like Richard Gomez, leave the Lucy Torreses alone. Studies show that most happy couples are about equal or come close in physical attractiveness. Be honest. Look at yourself in the mirror and rate yourself from 1 to 10. If you’re a 6-boy, you should only aim for an 8-girl at most. Look around, 75 percent of couples rank within two points on the attractiveness scale. An average-looking 5-guy shouldn’t go for a 9 or a 10-girl. It’s not possible and doesn’t portend a happy marriage later.
Of course, there are exceptions that tilt the balance: being rich, being influential, or having some other outstanding quality. If an old balding guy is walking with his young and pretty wife, what instantly crosses your mind? That guy is probably filthy rich. Or if you see a handsome guy with an average-looking girl, wow, she must have a nice personality! These are the exceptions but all in all, the attributes balance out.
7. Consider marrying someone in your line of work. In my experience, most doctors end up marrying a doctor. The belief is that it’s difficult for a layperson to understand the doctor’s lifestyle. Being called in the middle of the night and canceling family affairs due to an emergency can put a strain on a marriage. The same is true with other professions. It could be advantageous to marry someone in the same profession as yours.
8. Ladies, marry before 30. Factoid for ladies: The farther from graduation, the lower are your chances of marrying. Look around and see the multitude of unmarried ladies in their 30s. Even if you have a steady boyfriend, you’re still not safe. Ladies can easily lose their attractiveness during years of hard work.
And when you’re pushing 30, suddenly you’re competing for your BF’s attention with 21-year-olds. My advice: Tie your BF down. Threaten him if you must. Ask support from your parents and marry early. You can earn later. Sorry, but there’s no space for the many sob stories of ladies who lost their BFs to fresher competition.
For guys, your options are open.
Guys are lucky in that as they get older, their stature, confidence, and attractiveness grow. That is why most guys, especially professionals, find it easier to find a partner as they reach middle age. In fact, many Filipinos find a mate even after they’re married! Just the same, I would advise guys to plan (and commit) early.
9. Pray that you find the right one.
To our readers, no need to be so choosy when finding a mate. Don’t look for a perfect person. There isn’t one. God, however, has a plan for you. Pray for the angels and the cupids to open your mind and heart. Your future partner could be the person seated beside you right now.
For me, loyalty, honesty, and diligence are good enough already. The money and the good looks you can work out later.
10. Lastly, there is always blessed singleness if one misses the boat. Anyway, there are lots of advocacies and projects lined up to fill your time. But never say never. A relative of mine postponed her marriage to her BF when she was 30. Then, 25 years later, she reunited with her long-lost BF (still single and now 55) and they finally tied the knot.
Friends, your life partner is as important as your career. Consider these tips and have a happy love life.
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For your comments, e-mail at drwillieong@gmail.com.