Are you a victim of self-sabotage?

You may not know it, but you could be sabotaging yourself. "Is that possible?" you ask. Yes, you may be doing things consciously or unconsciously which may be detrimental to your overall health and well-being, and you could even hurt your personal relationships, financial prosperity, and peace of mind. We are all subject to everyday problems and tensions for these are inevitable. But problems by themselves have no power if we don’t let them rule and mess up our lives. It is our reaction to these problems that causes the mental and emotional stress that we commonly suffer. Having good control over how you react is of utmost significance. If your neighborhood is on fire and you take the disaster cool-headedly, your mental faculties would not be clouded too much and you might even be able to save your belongings and help other people to safety rather than be emotionally fraught and useless. There are many ways by which we sabotage ourselves. Identify which of the following you are guilty of and start to unlearn the conditioning that has been programmed into your system. Then make the necessary changes to improve yourself and reduce the unnecessary mental and emotional stresses in your life. When you are a victim of self-sabotage, only you can help yourself.

• Pessimism. Thinking solely about the negative things in life will just make you sink deep in their murky waters. The seeming difficulty or impossibility of a task or goal will prevent you from achieving it. Be more positive. Think of difficulties as hurdles to be conquered, and failure as a temporary setback. Focus on the wonderful benefits you are bound to gain and glide your way to success through optimism and positive vibes.

• Negative self-talk. That inner voice you hear criticizing and discouraging you is your very own. Every time you say, "I can’t do it; I am not good enough; it’s not possible!" and hear all of those other gloomy thoughts in your head, that’s your inner critic ranting. It sabotages you to defeat. Whenever you hear yourself thinking or speaking negatively, arrest the words and declare aloud the positive instead.

• Lack of self-confidence. Belief in yourself is paramount if you want to be successful and in control. A little of self-love, self-pride, and properly placed vanity is healthy. When you have confidence, you have faith in yourself and belief in your capabilities. With self-confidence, you can develop an assertiveness that will command attention and respect from others.

• Self-pity. Having a real low regard for yourself puts you down in the pits. If you feel inadequate, useless, undeserving, and powerless, no one and nothing can help you. Stop feeling like a loser and suffering like a victim. Feel like a winner, project a victorious attitude, and great things will start happening in your life.

• Refusing to let go of the past. Many people cling on to memories of the past and old emotional hurts. They actually enjoy this kind of drama in life, soliciting pity and sympathy from others. By telling and reliving their misfortunes, they derive pleasure from wallowing in the attention they get from others. They don’t realize that replaying the drama prevents them from closing those unpleasant chapters and moving on.

• Too much ego. A misplaced high regard for oneself can ruin your relationships with others and in the end, result in contempt and people avoiding you. When you have too much ego, you deem yourself as God’s gift to mankind and thus, become offensively demanding and aggressive. You develop an overbearing presence, and treat others with hostility. People get turned off by this attitude and instead of getting them to help and support in your favor, you’ll be repelling and driving them away.

• Addiction of any kind. Whether it is addiction to smoking, food, drugs, shopping, sex, material things, power, and even addiction to a person, addiction when uncontrolled can become unhealthy. Dependency on unnatural and even natural things can turn you into a zombie craving for the temporary high derived from such. Addiction distorts physical and emotional perception and judgment and must be kept in check.

• Poor problem-solving skills. If you feel that you have inadequate problem-solving skills, consult a specialist, a guidance counselor, or someone older with greater experience. Conflict resolution is an art and skill that one should learn in life. Knowing how to do it properly puts you ahead in the game, resulting in a more organized existence and effective problem-solving and coping.

• Taking on too much. You may be taking on too many things, and putting yourself under undue pressure. Tackling more than you can handle can put you in a state of constant stress. Avoid being overscheduled, hurried, and harassed. Learn to diplomatically say no to others’ demands for your help, time, and resources. Know when to relax and learn how to take it easy.

• Being closed-minded. A mind that is not open to new ideas, solutions, and amazingly unorthodox ways of doing things will atrophy and self-destruct. Flexibility and creativity are needed if you want to live out of the box and thrive healthily. There are a million and one ways to solve a problem and sticking to old formulas can be truly limiting. Remember that it is never too late for any old dog to learn new tricks. All it takes is an open mind.

* * *

For your comments on this article and inquiries on the author’s life-enhancement seminars, e-mail deroseminar@yahoo.com or text 0905-3130990.