Emotional hunger, though, is harder to determine and detect. And yet, it propels us to eat more than if were just physically hungry. I know only a couple of people who eat entirely for physical reasons – my paternal lolo and my dad. "I eat to live," my lolo told me many times, "I don’t live to eat!" And it’s true because he put just enough food on his plate and took him many minutes to finish it, to my lola’s lament. My dad "eats like a bird," my mom used to say. He eats just enough so he won’t pass out.
The rest of the people I know at one point or another, use food for comfort.
My husband is overweight and he has been on a diet all his life. When we eat our meals, he whines that all of us eat more than he does and wonders why he is the one gaining all the weight. Until one night, I caught him raiding the refrigerator at 2 a.m. for sweets and junk food.
We came from a big dinner party the other time. The food was wonderful all the way down to a luscious dessert. I did not deprive my husband any of the eating because he has been exercising and sticking to his balanced low-calorie diet. So he ate what he wanted and I know that he had his fill. When went home, he reached for the chips (like he thought the whole night was free-for-all) while I was in the bathroom. So I ran out when I heard the crackling sounds and asked him why he was eating. He could not possibly be physically hungry after that feast. He said, "Because I have been working so hard, I need a reward!"
Emotional eating is phenomenon that has been given focus only lately even if it has been around for ages. My husband’s patterns were probably taught to him early on as everyone adored him as a child because he was chubby. Maybe when he ate a lot, it looked cute and he didn’t give his parents problems because he finished all the food on his plate. So eating a lot probably became a pat in his back signaling "good boy!" And as a reward, he was offered more food.
I notice he often grapples with self-esteem and when he is feeling low, he turns to food to make him feel better. It’s almost like saying, "At least food never puts you down!"
Food gives him back the "you’re a good boy feeling," which tides him over till the next struggle.
I caught myself feeling tired, sad, and crabby one night and – after a week of long and hard work, being pulled in different directions – I wanted to attack my favorite comfort food, ice cream by the half-gallon, to soothe my burnt-out, bruised spirit. So my husband accosted me, aghast: "Why do you eat ice cream from the gallon?"
Then I wondered, do I really soothe my spirit if I soothe my stomach? I thought it could work because the way to man’s heart is through his stomach. So then maybe food could find its way to my sad spirits. . .
So I dug deeper. Someone said that vanilla ice cream is comforting because it is closest to breast milk. But ice cream comforted me because my maternal grandfather used to work in the Magnolia Ice Cream plant. He brought me to the Magnolia plant frequently when I was about 8 or 9 and I saw all those wonderful machines churning out all those frozen delights. He also introduced me with pride to all his subordinates as we sampled the newest flavor. He also always brought half-gallons of Neopolitan-flavored (choco, vanilla, and strawberry flavors in a tub) treats as pasalubong and those were definitely the happiest days of my young life.
So maybe it’s not the ice cream, but the memory of my lolo’s love, that soothes my spirit. Eating the ice cream from the gallon is like being with him. By the way, he also brought me chips and chocolates, which I would rip open, and we would share stories by the swing in the backyard. So Lays Barbeque flavored chips (used to be in cans) will always make me happy. I even used to collect all the wrappers. In fairness, he also brought me books (my favorite one was the riddle and joke book). So then, when I was really sad, I read a book.
Fitness Expert Bob Greene sites five reasons for emotional eating:
• Boredom – Boredom is the easiest reason for emotional eating to remedy. If this is the reason you eat, try doing something else when you reach for a snack, like playing the piano, cleaning your closet or starting a craft project. Sewing or crocheting are good because your hands are kept pre-occupied, thus you can’t reach out for that snack.
• Stress – Our lives are more stressful than ever before, and food is one of the most common ways we deal with stress. To avoid eating out of stress: identify the sources of stress, record them in your diary, minimize your to-do list, and do relaxing activities: Watch a movie, get a manicure, take a break from your situation, take a walk – instead of eating. Relax
• Loneliness – Using food as a replacement for human interaction is a very easy habit to slip into. It’s no surprise that comfort food has become one of our culture’s most popular catch phrases. Food has an almost mystical quality of disguising itself as your "friend." Keep a list of friends and family members to call on a moment’s notice to keep you from eating when you’re alone. Join a gym or dance class and make new friends. Maybe you can get a dog that you can walk. He will keep you company and the sunshine will improve your mood. • Emotional issues – Depression is often the result of deep-seated sadness, fear and anger. It is one of the most insidious of all the causes for emotional overeating, and it often has its roots in some form of childhood trauma.
In our society, we are raised to hide our feelings and put on a happy face. Oftentimes, we use eating as a temporary fix for our unhappiness.
Many people can trace their emotional eating binges back to a specific traumatic event in their past, such as abandonment, abuse or lack of proper parenting. Try and get to the root of your problem.
If you are clinically depressed, see a doctor or get into serious daily exercise. (It has been proven to improve your mood.) If you are eating because your were abused or neglected, try something that will make you feel less hurt. You can nurture your inner hurt little child by being kind and gentle with her, like treating her to a movie or simply trying to forgive the past in her own time. You can also reach out to abandoned and abused children and spend some time making it better for them.
• Filling a void – First, try to pinpoint what you think you’re missing. It’s often a lack of/in a romantic relationship, financial security or feeling safe or loved. Write these feelings down in your diary. This will help you realize what is missing in your life.
Find activities and relationships other than eating that will reinforce your self-esteem and sense of well-being. Greene suggests yoga to balance your inner self. Or take up your favorite hobby. Ask yourself again why you use food to make your feel happy.
Sometimes, it’s impossible not to seek solace in comfort food. But the key is being aware of the reasons behind emotional eating so as not to develop emotional overeating.
So now, my husband and I try to guide each other. If we are not physically hungry, we try not to eat. So he keeps nagging me, "How do you know I am not hungry, I am!" and I say, "You won’t die of hunger if you don’t eat that bag of chips and that cake. I know what you had for dinner and I promise you, you are not hungry!"
When he needs re-assurance, I shower him with praise (when I’m not so tired myself) and when he’s down in the dumps, I offer a patient ear. And when we both need to soothe our spirits after seemingly infinite grueling days, we call the masseuse and have those precious and relieving massages or we go watch a movie and concede with popcorn and a large diet soda.
"A movie is not complete without the popcorn!" my husband declares and unveils yet another emotional connection between the movies and food. . .