Dear Nanay,
I am 46 years old, and have three daughters. I have a problem with my eldest, po. She is graduating this coming April with a degree in AB English, but she has a hearing problem.
She used to take med tech, but because of the constant teasing and problems from her classmates, she transferred. Nanay, she excelled in her course. But one time, she even tried to commit suicide from depression. She can do more and wants to do more but her hearing problem is an obstacle. With prayers and words of encouragement, she was able to finish. But now she has fears and anxiety about finding a normal job. What will I do? She is a good writer. But with all these interviews, she is thinking that the employers will choose a normal person.
The doctor said that there is no hope for her hearing to become normal. What should I do?
L
Dear L,
I think what is most important is for your daughter to realize that she was able to finish college with her problem. So what is stopping her from living a normal life and getting a normal job? If she can finish school, what is stopping her from a successful career? Finishing college is just as difficult as finding a job. And if she can do one, then certainly she can do the other!
So perhaps she really just has a problem with her self-confidence. You need to think positive and focus on the things that she can do as opposed to the things that she has difficulty doing.
The other thing you can look into is getting a second opinion with regards to her condition. Perhaps a hearing aid? Maybe there are new technologies we are not aware of that are available today and can help her hearing? Do your research and talk to more than one doctor.
Don’t forget that a handicap is not a reason or an excuse to fail. It just means that you may have to work harder than the next person. They can be physical, financial or otherwise. But successful people overcome all kinds of handicaps every day. Why should your daughter be any different?
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Not Being Properly Compensated For Working The Family Business
Dear Nanay,
My family has a business selling various chemicals related to the construction and industrial sectors. After graduation, I worked for one of the big commercial banks to try and gain work experience. Shortly after I resigned, my father forced me to work for him. It was timely because he was awarded the distribution rights for a line of construction-related products. So I took on this new challenge. Luckily, I was able to make this line grow and make a profit.
As I grew the division, it was always due to the fact that I took the initiative and worked against his decisions, which were very conservative. Had we followed his decisions, the business would not have flourished. Therefore, my image as a son looked more rebellious, arrogant, and self-centered instead of hardworking and persevering.
My brother joined the company as well but working menial jobs — jobs that even a messenger can do. My brother acts more like the SOO (Son Of Owner) going to work late in the morning and leaving the office whenever he feels like it.
I am still treated like an employee, Nanay. I earn a salary and I have to live with that salary, not like my brother who still charges everything to my mother since my mother loves him the most. And my sister, who is literally a bum. They used to say that they would reward my efforts but they only rewarded themselves. I asked my mother for advice and all she tells me is that “this is your dad’s money, it is not your money.”
Is it safe to say that what I have done is not enough? I have a family to raise also. My eldest daughter began schooling already and I have to say I cannot live off what they are giving me.
I don’t want to be a bad son, which I feel I really am not. But my parents think otherwise.
Swiss
Dear Swiss,
I can understand your situation where you are in your family’s business but you feel like you are not being compensated properly for the amount of work you are doing.
My advice is for you to talk to your father and approach it professionally like you would any other job. Be professional. Be polite. Tell him exactly how you feel. Present your achievements and present your self-imposed targets. In exchange, tell him what you want in terms of compensation. Then tell him that if you do not meet your own targets, then you will voluntarily resign.
If he does not give you the compensation that you are looking for, then maybe you do not have a choice except to find a job elsewhere. Explain that you also have a family to take care of and a daughter who is attending school.
You have to understand that maybe your parents do not realize the increasing cost of living these days. Maybe you have to be the one to tell them because it is very easy for them to think that salaries that were appropriate 10 or 15 years ago are still appropriate today.
Just make sure that you are professional, polite and respectful. In the end, I think they will understand. Good luck.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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