Dear Nanay,
I have been a reader of yours for quite a while now and I can say that I greatly look up to you because of your wise and motherly advice. I am hoping that you can clear my thoughts and give me advice on what I should do.
I’m a 21-year-old college student. I am supposed to be graduating by this summer but I had to stop because I got pregnant. I am now almost seven months pregnant and due to give birth early next year. I myself am truly disappointed with what happened to me. My whole family has been in chaos and I lost my parents’ trust because of what happened. I can’t tell them how I truly feel, can’t voice my thoughts and how sorry I am for what I did. I had to put a halt to my education and I don’t know when I will be able to continue it. Aside from that, I’m still not yet physically, emotionally and financially ready to support a child. I can’t ask the father for support because until now he vehemently denies that he is the father of the baby I am carrying right now. I can’t help but feel so depressed.
As bad as it may seem, Nanay, I don’t view this baby of mine as a blessing. Until now I am still looking for ways so that I can spontaneously have a miscarriage. I know it’s a bad thing to do, but it’s the only way I know of remedying my mistakes, graduating and getting a decent job. I am so sorry I did all the things I did and I want to get a chance to right all of them. I just want to abort this baby but I know the process is dreadfully scary.
I don’t know what I should do. I am more than confused. Please help me, Nanay.
Stricken Girl
Dear Stricken Girl,
I hope that you reconsider the abortion and put it out of your mind. Parang hindi tama iyon. (That does not seem right.) Please don’t do it.
You do not know the happiness that your child will give you until you hold her in your arms. Give your baby a chance to succeed. Give her a chance to make you happy. You will not be disappointed.
Please also realize that you are not the first one to have this kind of problem. I know it may seem like the end of the world, but believe me, it is not. Many single mothers go through life every day and do a fantastic job of raising their children. Why should you be any different?
You can still continue your studies after you give birth. Mind you, it will be very difficult and you will have to give up all your free time, because being a mother to a newborn baby is a full-time job in itself. But it can be done. You just need to be ready to make the necessary sacrifices.
And believe me, your parents will support you. They love you and what parent does not want to be a doting grandparent as well? You just have to show them that you are responsible and doing your share in raising the child. Show them that you are willing to make the commitments and sacrifices necessary to be a good mother and I am sure they will be more than willing to help. Don’t give up.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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Love Must Go Both Ways
Dear Nanay,
First of all, I would like to commend you on the continued success of your column. I have been an avid fan of your responses ever since you began and now I desperately seek them as I face a troubling yet unique hurdle in my life.
It has been three years since my ex-girlfriend and I parted ways. She is my first and only, even after quite some time has passed. I loved her, and I admit that I still do. But I also know that she does not feel the same way for me.
I sometimes feel that I’m going nuts because the cause of the breakup was my being the jealous type and her infidelity. I often thought, how could I love such a person when I myself never gave her any reason to be jealous or suspicious of me? But no matter how many times she cheated, no matter how many times she flirted, I did and will probably still accept and love her.
Eventually she broke up with me and I have never been the same since. But she makes me believe that getting hurt a thousand times for a single moment of happiness is worth every tear. Despite everything, I never found myself mad at her for the things she did. I only know that I love her and that’s what should matter, right?
I’ve tried looking for someone else but to no avail. On the other hand, I can’t continue loving her because she is now happy with someone else. We’ve kept communication to a minimum and most of the time there is none at all. I feel stuck and lost. I’m ashamed to admit that it has indeed affected my college studies. Your advice will really help.
Milo
Dear Milo,
Love is a symbiotic relationship. It must go both ways. Hindi puwedeng bigay ka lang nang bigay. (You can’t just give and give.) Kailangan makatanggap ka rin. (You need to receive, too.) Kailangan may bumabalik. (Something must be given in return.)
If you feel that she never really loved you and she is already with someone else, perhaps it really is time to move on.
I know it hurts and it feels like you cannot get over her, but you can! And you will! It sometimes just takes a little time.
And perhaps you should not keep communications to a minimum. Dapat wala na lang! (There should be none at all!) There are so many other girls. Why insist on someone who does not care for you and will not repay your love? I know you have heard it before, but realize that there really are many fish in the ocean.
Sincerely,
Nanay
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If you have a question, e-mail us at asknanay@nationalbookstore.com.ph or just drop your letter at drop boxes in all National Book Store branches nationwide.